- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
i’m so sorry you’re experiencing this, it sounds like torture. i won’t reassure you, but you definitely deserve to be a parent. i’m sure you are wonderful, OCD just ruins everything. your perception of yourself included. i’m not sure if you’re looking for advice, but i think minimizing googling & checking compulsions would help you a bit. instead of looking things up or masterbating to check if you actually feel something, try sitting with that uncomfortable feelings. i know it’s scary, but it WILL pay off in the end. you can have these uncomfortable thoughts & do nothing about them. they can just be there. overtime they become less scary. please never feel alone, this community is ALWAYS here for you. i am here for you!
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you for your response I know ocd can convince me and trick me into thinking I’m my worst fear before and while I was masterbating i wanted to cry I just knew I didn’t want to do it I felt sick that’s why I was trying to think of normal things as hard as I could but intrusive thoughts kept popping in my head I had to keep testing myself and I just felt so angry that I felt like I had to masterbate to test myself or to find some kind of proof that I was or wasn’t a p. I know I’m my heart and soul that I’ll never hurt my kid’s ever. The ocd just really got the best of me and tricked me into thinking that’s who I am when I know I’m not. It just makes me really sad makes me feel like I’ve done something so unforgivable and disgusting but I know I was just trying to prove & test if I was or wasn’t a p. I can see that now because there was no joy while doing it only pure disgust, uncomfortableness, and uncertainty. It’s like a missing puzzle piece where I can distinguish weather it was ocd or not and it definitely was 😢
- Date posted
- 3y
yes OCD can be so tricky & SO SCARY. i totally relate. i know it feels like you have to check & see, but i really think resisting that compulsion will help you! OCD doesn’t respond to logic. it doesn’t care that you KNOW deep inside that you aren’t a monster. it’ll tell you to check over & over again without ever reaching certainty. i know how awful OCD is, but you can recover! you seem like an amazing parent.
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you !🥺 i wanted my kids so badly they make me so happy never want to see them hurting always want them to just be happy.. that’s why I’m trying to get back to myself as hard as I can not only for me but for them they deserve the mom I was not the mom that’s always in her head, not the mom that’s afraid of cuddling with them because I feel like I’m doing something wrong.. I know who I am but I loose myself for weeks at a time sometimes and it breaks my heart
- Date posted
- 3y
you are doing everything right! continue reaching out to the community & advocating for yourself. it’s okay to need extra support. i would definitely reccomend therapy if you can, too! just remember, you might fall down sometimes & feel like you can’t do things (cuddle, etc.) don’t beat yourself up when struggling! show yourself compassion & remember how hard you are fighting. you can do it!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
Please read and comment kindly. Really looking for support. My child was laying across me and every time I breathed a certain way I was getting a groinal sensation. I kept breathing like that anyways (ugh idk why), and then my mind told me I had hurt them that I might as well do something else because what's more. So idk why or what overcame me other than the thought of doing it and causing another feeling (I literally had to question what to do during this and the only thing I could come up with was to move my elbow towards her groin area) but it came across my mind to elbow my child, and I elbowed their crotch or side area. Which caused another unwanted groinal sensation. Then I began FREAKING smooth out and asked my child to move. Then I've been stressing since. I feel like as a mom I don't deserve to be theirs anymore. Idk what overcame me, and in the moment, it felt like I wanted to move my elbow, but I know that can also be my OCD speaking. Right? I clearly regret it all and hate myself. I would never intentionally hurt my child; I don't know what happened in my head when this happened. I was doing SO well! Is this my POCD that I've been diagnosed with by my OCD specialized therapist? Just a struggling mom who used to be the best of the best. I'm very depressed by this. Idk what to do with myself. I live in regret now, and I just wish it would've never ever happened. I can't stop ruminating and being depressed thinking I don't deserve anything.
- Date posted
- 21w
My child was laying across me and every time I breathed a certain way I was getting a groinal sensation. I kept breathing like that anyways (ugh idk why), and then my mind told me I had hurt them that I might as well do something else because what's more. So idk why or what overcame me other than the thought of doing it and causing another feeling (I literally had to question what to do during this and the only thing I could come up with was to move my elbow towards her groin area) but it came across my mind to elbow my child, and I elbowed their crotch or side area. Which caused another unwanted groinal sensation. Then I began FREAKING smooth out and asked my child to move. Then I've been stressing since. I feel like as a mom I don't deserve to be theirs anymore. Idk what overcame me, and in the moment, it felt like I wanted to move my elbow, but I know that can also be my OCD speaking. Right? I clearly regret it all and hate myself. I would never intentionally hurt my child; I don't know what happened in my head when this happened. I was doing SO well! Is this my POCD that I've been diagnosed with by my OCD specialized therapist? Just a struggling mom who used to be the best of the best. I'm very depressed by this. Idk what to do with myself. I live in regret now, and I just wish it would've never ever happened. I can't stop ruminating and being depressed thinking I don't deserve anything.
- Date posted
- 15w
TW So I haven’t been diagnosed with pocd, but many ppl said that I have it. I was in bed when I remembered this time when I first started experiencing what I hope is false attraction not actual pedophilia, I’m looking back on it rn n I’m worried it wasn’t false attraction, I remember feeling a sense of attraction when I saw that kid, I was about14 at the time and the kid was 11 or 12. I remember constantly searching to see if it was normal for a 14 year old to like a 12 or 11 year old, I was worried when I was doing that i think, I also kept walking pass her to look at her i think to check if i was attracted or not, but it makes me worried that I was attracted to her because im worried that i did it bc i was actually attracted. now looking back on it rn, I don’t feel panic, worry, shame, or guilt, I originally only felt panic and worry, never shame or guilt. Now I don’t feel any of it, not feeling panic and worry now makes me think that I am a p, I don’t want to be a p. I hope im not a p, Ive talked to a therapist and they’ve said that it’s pocd, but it wasn’t a official diagnosis, I’m worried it was a false diagnosis because I lied on one or two of the questions. I also constantly get senses of what I hope is false attraction when I see some kids, and I keep trying to figure out if it is real or false attraction. Also some other time today I was feeling aroused and I wanted to m#sturbate, but then thoughts of kids started popping up, I think that I didn’t like them, I’m not sure any more, but while I was finishing the thoughts kept comigg by, idk what it means but it felt like I enjoyed it, which made me worried, but after I finished the thoughts disappeared a lot more, idk why that happened idk what it means, could someone give me some advice pls?? I don’t wanna be a pedo. All of that happening makes me feel like I am one, can someone give me advice on what’s happening and what I am??
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond