My thoughts are so bad. I'm so paranoid I touched my bf's little sister (about 5) inappropriately about 2 years ago. I don't know. I keep switching back and forth to "that didn't happen" and "omg it happened". The anxiety feels so real and it's been over 24 hours ive been stuck on this. It wasn't any private areas. I'm just paranoid one time I was either sitting with snuggling or playing with her that I rubbed her arm/leg and my brain told me to "go higher" (like under her clothes) and I'm paranoid I did. I know it wasn't past her thigh or shoulder but I'm so paranoid. And there's no actual way for me to remember. It could have happened. Or I had an intrusive thought and didn't do it, or it didn't even happen at all. I don't think I'm attracted to children at all or anything, I don't know wtf is wrong with me. My bf is obviously very upset (rightfully so) and is considering breaking up with me for it. I need to know weather this is real or just some stupid false memory. I can't tell between the difference real and "fake" memories. My OCD (or just my brain) also tells me I'm making excuses for all my horrible mistakes by calling them "fake" memories. But I also know all of these are signs of ocd. I really hate everything right now. I'm scared to talk to my therapist because I don't want to get reported. Again I know it wasn't any inappropriate areas for sure, but I'm scared of my brains intent

I just can't live with myself if it is something that I actually happened. And there's no way for me to find out. I don't want to lose everything because of a ocd spiral. But at the same token my boyfriend has every right to leave me if he wants to. This hurts so much

@tiredsoul See your playing the what if game again. If i listened to ocd im a pedophilic child molester murderer who sexually azsaulted her friends anf family. Ocd loves to make shit up. Its like a dramatic bitch, stop giving it attention it shuts.up

@Lucywilefire Thank you. I haven't been able to talk to anybody about this. If I don't listen to it, how do I know if it's true or not? I know that's a stupid question, the possibility of this could be real, and I'd be lying to myself. I'm partially aware that it's spiraling, but what if it's actually real and I'm just trying to lie to myself so I can have everything I want in life. You don't have to answer this, I'm just kind of typing out what's going on in my brain

@tiredsoul Omg its like hearing me talk about ocd. I have a false memory of molesting my sister when i was 14. What makes it worse is hearing about child on child sexual abuse and people who ACTUALLY did it. I spent so much time on that in junior year and it tanked my grades for a bit. You cant answer the question because there is never enough evidence for ocd

@tiredsoul I also struggle with pocd false memory, my ocd says I molested a kid when I was like 13-15 and sometimes it feels so real and convincing and sometimes I’m for sure I didn’t do it, the thing is ocd is a liar and there is no way to know for certain so you have to accept the uncertainty and show yourself kindness. Also refuse to ruminate or do compulsions it enforces the thoughts and makes it so much worse