I feel like the worst mom in the world..

I’ve been ruminating everyday since I had and urge to check/m word to the thought of my child I feel disgusting and horrible. The whole time I was trying to think of normal things but Intrusive thought kept popping in my head and I had to keep testing myself.. when I initially got the urge/groinal response/intrusive thought it felt like I was going to m word to enjoy it but while doing it I hated it I wanted to cry and scream because of how uncomfortable it made me.. I feel like I can’t even look at my baby or be the same because I feel so guilty that I had this disgusting urge it makes me sick..

@OneDayAtATime💭 i am so sorry that you have to go through this. i am not a mother, but i know this is probably really difficult and very sad to go through. i am an aunt of 3 nephews and sometimes when they hug me or get really close to me, i have thoughts that i am going to do something inappropriate. it sucks and it’s so painful because it makes me become very distant with them. even though you have thoughts and urges, just you by telling me how stressed and uncomfortable you feel, i can tell you won’t act on it. i don’t want to give you reassurance, but if you really wanted to do whatever you are fearful, you wouldn’t feel this much guilt and shame. i can tell right away that you are a wonderful mom and you don’t want to do these things. this theme is so common within moms and i’ve become scared to become a mother because i think i will do horrible things. OCD is so cruel and loves to attack what we love the most. you are an amazing mom and keep fighting these thoughts. they aren’t your character. best of luck to you. 💗

@luna ✨ Thank you so much you are so kind🥺 best of luck to you as well hun praying we all get through this and can become happy once again☀️

I was, but I couldn’t afford trying to switch insurances so I can be seen by one soon 🙏🏼