I’m so confused right now. I feel really calm about my intrusive thoughts and I feel calm overall. I can still get moments of feeling uneasy but overall I’m calmer. Yesterday was really difficult. Does that mean I don’t have OCD? I just don’t get this. Even today I was scared with the thought of what If I’m lying about my intrusive thoughts and my experience with OCD and I’m really just a crazy person.....and then later today when I felt calmer I was like omg what if I really don’t have OCD and I really I’m just making it up. I feel so calm right now. I’m kind of guessing maybe because I talked to my mom about my some intrusive thoughts have and have had in the past and I was worried about telling her but she understood and so I feel a weight lifted off my shoulders. Is it possible to suddenly feel ok?

I have been feeling the same. Some days its like do i even have it and if I don’t whatever i have been denying is true and if that doesn’t cause me anxiety too my brain just litres tries to shut off cause i am exhausted

It’s so strange. I don’t understand ...and sometimes when I have the calm moments it causes more doubt and I start to think am I accepting my intrusive thoughts? I haven’t started ERP yet. Also when I feel calm I start to try to think about my intrusive thoughts or more accurately I want to hold onto them which sounds weird but it’s almost like if I’m not stressed about this thought what does that mean?...is that normal?

This is all normal as far as I can tell. I was diagnosed years ago but didn’t truly accept it until fairly recently. You will have good days and bad days. Once I accepted this, I needed to motivate myself to get further help. I began ERP a few weeks ago and it has dramatically helped me. This mental illness is so challenging and all consuming as it permeates your life. But it doesn’t need to be that way. What your experiences are, many people have had the same things. But it is also so personal because its our fight that we confront by ourselves. This place is a great spot to share and know that you are not alone and that what you are going through, most of is have or are right now.

I feel the same way, it's also the reason that I don't want to help myself before getting professional help. If I suddenly got better it would feel like I was faking it. It would invalidate my suffering.

I feel this

OCD comes with ups and downs in its intensity. this is part of the disorder. when you have a period of being okay and then your symptoms suddenly worsen, this is known as a relapse. it is very common for people going through treatment to relapse as well.

also, of course OCD comes with brief periods of feeling relief. that is part of the cycle - have intrusive thought, obsess, do the compulsion and/or seek reassurance, feel temporary relief. then the pattern repeats.

Good point about the inconsistency of OCD. Most times right bow when I catch myself wanting to confess, I tell myself to live in the area of uncomfortableness and allow my body and mind to do what it needs to do to work through it.

What you are describing sounds like something we call the "backdoor spike". This is when you start to experience less anxiety in response to our unwanted thoughts so then you have anxiety about why you don't have anxiety! You wonder whether you have OCD at all. In reality, there are many reasons you might experience this decrease in anxiety. Try not to figure out whether or not this decrease in anxiety means you do or don't have OCD. When you feel the need to figure it out, see if you can practice the phrase "Maybe I do have OCD, maybe I don't." and then continuing with what you were doing.