How do I deal with real event OCD that also have to do with HOCD and POCD regarding h*ntai?

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@POCD/RealEventOCD So you obviously have thoughts about this event with hentai. Don’t judge them. Don’t try to rationalize them. Just let them be. When the thoughts come up “you’re so terrible because you looked at this video” just let the thought be. Be like okay that’s great, now on with my day.

@PRYM It was a couple of times when I was 14, and then it was occasionally from the beginning of 17, to when I just turned 18... I had no idea what the content was or what it represented... and I saw the videos had millions of views and on a public site, so I thought it was safe to watch... 😞😞😞

@POCD/RealEventOCD Yeah I mean first of all it’s fantasy. It’s just drawings so no one is even at a potential of getting hurt like with real porn. Now as to the content of it, we’re all curious as teens and hentai is real vast in the kind of content it has so it makes total sense that a young teen would be curious and spend some time looking at it. Now just because of that, it doesn’t mean you have to keep watching it, if whatever you saw really makes you feel guilty you don’t ever have to watch it again. Find porn that meets your morals more or just don’t watch porn. Either is a good route.

@PRYM I don’t ever wanna be my HOCD... I don’t ever wanna be my POCD... and I don’t ever wanna be what my real event OCD says I am... 😞😞😞

@POCD/RealEventOCD It doesn’t mean you are. I’m assuming by this you saw something that was loli?

@PRYM Yeah... I didn’t know what the content was or what it represented... 😞😞😞

@POCD/RealEventOCD Yeah honestly it’s hard to know with hentai sometimes. What’s considered loli sometimes is really obvious and other times a bit more easier to miss. But a few things to keep in mind. lolis are not made like real children, most of the time they are pursuing sex in these situations and a lot of times are dressed in ways kids would never dress. They’re purposely made to be as sexually arousing while maintaining some level of innocence as possible. Now this doesn’t mean because you found it attractive that you will find real children attractive. Because there’s a big enough difference by physical appearance and how they act. And you don’t have to ever look at it again. It sounds like you have no desire which is a pretty good sign you are not a p****. All it says about you was that you were a curious teen with raging hormones and you came across material on the internet you highly regret. Really isn’t a abnormal situation for a lot of people growing up in the internet era.

@PRYM So what can I do to make this HOCD, POCD, and real event OCD about h*ntai disappear?

@POCD/RealEventOCD You can’t control your thoughts. All you can do is understand the mistake you made, vow not to make it again, possibly look at what behavior got you to that point before and don’t repeat that behavior. Then when your brain wants to remind you and guilt trip you, just let the thoughts in, don’t judge them. You can even laugh a little at them because you’re already working on making better choices. Just let the thoughts be, simply notice them. If you feel yourself panicking try to pay attention to your breathing and try to make it as relaxed as possible as you just let the anxiety run it’s course. If you don’t resist it, the anxiety will eventually go and in the future be less and less. By resisting and trying to find a way out of it, your brain thinks there’s a real danger instead of just a past event you regret.

@ImagineSisyphusHappy I didnt find it attractive… i thought it was safe to consume because they were on public sites and had millions of views… i was a stupid 17-18 year old at the time who didnt know what thay content was… i dont ever want to ever be what my Pocd or real events OCD say about me…

@Givenup Yeah I mean the legality of it varies a lot state to state, country to country but I think it's good to simplify what happened. You were a impulsive 17-18 year old and you got off to drawings that you didn't really consider the age they are likely depicting. It's not very scandalous lol. I don't want to put words in your mouth since that helps no one but it almost seems like part of the problem is you're struggling to differentiate the difference in the potential for harm on at least a emotional level, from my experience and reading many stories of people, they can rationally understand why they might be overexaggerating but the threat and harm seems so real. And here's the thing there's a million different opinions people will give about how bad, good, or neutral it is what you did and you'll always come back to the uncertainty because this is something of a fantasy nature which makes it all even more subjective. To actually start living again you gotta understand not everyone is going to accept you even if they don't know about your past mistakes. That's just because humans tend to be judgemental. So instead I'd start focusing more on who you want to be. What values you hold now. And just start building life in that direction. Also for coping with it, I've found somatic therapy is pretty helpful. You mostly want to pay attention to what you do when you're triggered. Does your stomach drop? Do you sweat? Is your heart racing? Do your eyes lock to a position? Basically you'll try to relax as much as you can, force your eyes to break free, cool down, let your heart relax, basically check in with the body. And as weird as it sounds, a lot of times you'll find your mind has let it go for the moment or you can engage with the thought more without going insane. My therapist gave me some really good advice. He said nothing changes from thinking. It can help you consider things but to change things you have to take an action. And it can be a helpful moment to start thinking what actions you've tried already and failed. You can try new ones or if you realize you haven't and have just been stuck in your mind, it can be a wake up call to start taking action.

@ImagineSisyphusHappy Do you think I have OCD…? The last thing I want is to ever be what my POCD and real events OCD say about me… even thinking about being a P or a chomo makes me gag and puke… i hate kids and avoid them as much as i can… whenever im put in a situation where I have to help a kid (etc. I helped a kid find her parents after she fell off her bike and cried… despite how anxious I was I helped her and quickly left) i get super anxious and panicked because my POCD and real events OCD say im in denial because of it… i dont ever want to ever be anything my POCD or real events OCD say about me… in any way shape or form…

@Givenup I'm not really qualified to determine if you do or dont have OCD but I think you're at the very least a very anxious, possibly slightly paranoid person and you value not harming people and you've had life events that have given you uncertainty you're struggling to cope with. The exact details of what you want to call it matter less than the fact we have a good idea what's happening to you. And I'd say that last part says a lot about your dilemma "I don't ever want to ever be anything my POCD or real events OCD say about me...in any shape or form." You've put your brain and nervous system in a hostage exchange. They have to weed out anything resembling your fears or internal peace isn't allowed. You gotta start changing the rules because here's the issue, pedos are humans too. The chance you will find some vague connection that can prove you're one of them isn't impossible. Probably everyone on planet earth could get to the same conclusions if they took all the uncertainty as gospel. So there's a few ways you can work on this, all helpful but for different kinds of personalities I'd say. What I'd say is a good place to start is to get out of your head. Do stuff that gets you connected with your body again. You don't have to go to the gym, maybe just go on a walk. Try reconnecting with your body and just go on vacation from your mind lol. It'll still be there but you gotta expand your scope of awareness so you aren't a slave to your mind. Your mind is a tool, it's a tool that tends to get overused because a lot of today's problems can be solved with it. But somethings are very subjective, morally questionable, and then you start leaning towards philosphy basically which isn't helpful because philosphy just gives you different angles to look at things. Eventually you gotta put those things down and accept, "learning any more about this is beyond my human capabilities." Because there truly are a lot of questions that are because humans are so painfully mortal and aware of such a limited scope of reality. Gotta give yourself a break for not being able to answer everything.

@ImagineSisyphusHappy I just don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… because its not who I am and its not my identity…