I had to tell a white lie and i feel bad for beeing dishonest. How to cope with this?

Tw throwing up The other day my friend and I were making jokes and it hurt the feelings of two of my other friends and they really blew up at us. (Later another friend confronted them about how extreme their reactions were for the situation which is important) I felt so horrible about hurting their feelings I had a horrible panic attack and was crying so hard I threw up. I have felt sick the last few days even thinking about the fact that I hurt any of my friends feelings and I haven’t spoken to either of them in four days to give them space but now since my friend told me she confronted them and I agreed with her they could have been overreacting I feel like I’ve been faking being sick to make it seem like I care about their feelings when I don’t really. I also feel like I’ve been avoiding them to avoid the consequences of my actions like my friends being mad at me. Not looking for reassurance just for advice on things I can say to myself to help or other ways you have felt with something similar.

ocd makes lying SO hard for me. i get stuck on it and feel ridiculously guilty even when it’s nothing important. i was supposed to go to a birthday party thing tmrw for a bunch of people im not really close with, but my one close-ish friend is going so i had originally planned on it and told everyone yes. however im very introverted and i planned on canceling deep down because i just don’t know how to say no. i considered MAYBE going if i felt up to it but i really don’t now that its tomorrow. its also an hour drive and i don’t feel im up to that. i just texted my friends and my closer friend and pretended im sick with a fever as an excuse not to go. im so anxious over it now because i hate cancelling things last minute and i hate lying. ocd makes it impossible and i feel like the worst person even when its the lightest lies!!! i just wanna chill day LOL but i feel im going to be worrying about whether they hate me now or not

FINALLY identified a core fear of mine and it is deceit and lying by omission. My biggest compulsions are confession & rumination. I immediately WANT to confess to whoever the theme is about, BUT since I am NOT acting on the compulsion (*yay*), I feel like I am lying by omission. For example, I will think of a mistake I made in the past, become anxious at the thought that my partner would break up with me over it, and then I want to confess so that he has all the information he needs to make an accurate decision on if he wants to be with me. Otherwise, I feel as though I am withholding pertinent information and his decision to be in a relationship with me is based on lies & fabrication. On one hand I am proud of myself for not compulsively oversharing / acting on compulsivity. On the other hand I worry I am stepping out of my values of honesty & integrity. Or perhaps worse, claiming “compulsion” in the name of hiding from the possibility of whatever consequence may result in me sharing the mistake. Any recommendations?