- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
hi! i am sorry too you’re feeling this way. i relate so much, but the truth is NO ONE CAN TELL U WHO U ARE! that person doesn’t know you & you have to go inside yourself & truly face the thoughts because that’s what they are...the one thing OCD does is doubt, the “is this really me?!” “have i always been hiding this!” is common questions people with OCD have all the time & i want u to know it’s normal to have that strong doubt. that’s what creates obsession DOUBT! also please don’t ever be too afraid to seek therapy, they’re there for that reason. :) it’s as simple as giving yourself time to heal inside & taking it one day at a time, not putting so much pressure on yourself to “understand” your obsessive thoughts because there usually there with no real meaning, our brains have billions of thoughts a day. please don’t beat yourself up for having thoughts that “aren’t normal” because beleive me YOURE NOT ALONE.
- Date posted
- 3y
also reminder that OCD attacks our biggest fears & will make us think the scariest of things so please don’t listen to it. let your OCD say what it wants & remember there is no true meaning behind OCD intrusive thoughts, they’re just fears that we obsess over. <3
- Date posted
- 3y
Thats a very kind reply ty. The thing is it feels like the thoughts have already become true, it dosent feel intrusive or like ocd at all. I cant really comprehend whats happening, just overwhelmed and sad. How do you suggest I tell my family Im struggling? I cant tell them I think im gay and feel like a woman inside, thats awfully embarrassing which makes me want to isolate myself even more. It even feels like I want these thoughts. Im scared this is just my life now
- Date posted
- 3y
@Imaan7 i truly think the best thing is to open up to a trusted loved one, maybe sitting down with someone you trust & say “hey i am struggling & would really appreciate it if you could just listen.”... or if that’s not comfortable, reaching out to a therapist is always helpful. you should NEVER bottle up your anxiety & suffering. it will only make it worse. intrusive thoughts also don’t always mean things that “pop” into your brain, they can be constant & relentless & last hours. it just purely means thoughts that cause distress. & it’s definitely not embarrassing to struggle...you’re human & i have had a theme where i felt not “woman enough”. from my experience, the feeling of “do i want these thoughts?” “why does it feel like i want to think this or feel this?” always came up & i understand the fear & uncomfortablility. but at the end of the day, there is no such thing as “woman enough” or “man enough”...just focus on you being a human alone & work from there. take it one day at a time, sit with uncertainty. face it & it becomes less scary. open up to people, accept support, never isolate. & don’t let distressing thoughts control your life. don’t put emphasis on defining whats “man enough” & focus more on working on your mental health.
- Date posted
- 3y
@hope Hope-Brilliant!!! I feel like your last sentence is really the key. Awareness of the disorder and emphasis on your mental health. Thank you for all your words. Imaan7, the key here is knowing you have OCD, and being aware of it. Thoughts saying is not OCD are part of OCD. Remember, it’s just OCD. Seek help for OCD!!! Wish you both the best!!!
- Date posted
- 3y
The depressive feelings have been overwhelming these past 2 weeks, ive completely isolated myself, sleeping at odd times and oversleeping, numbing myself to useless youtube videos. Im scared. Why is this happening to me
- Date posted
- 3y
I am really sorry to hear you are going through this incredibly difficult time. I know I am not much help here but I am a good listener, or in this case a texter? This is a safe place to share what is going on. Please continue to do so. Hang in there.
- Date posted
- 3y
Fuck man I feel you it’s really fucking bad people will talk about her or something and I think they talk about me it’s so fucking dumb and senseless but my brain is messed up maybe we both just isolated so much that now our brain is playing tricks idk
- Date posted
- 3y
Hey man I have a question have you had sexual relationship with woman before
- Date posted
- 3y
Hooked up with a girl once, thats about it
- Date posted
- 3y
@Imaan7 I guess it really dosnt matter was just curious
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
I’m sobbing right now. I’m convinced that I’ve been in denial all along and that it’s all real. It has to be now. I don’t wanna be a boy but I feel like there’s no way I’m not one if I’m doing these things. There’s no way I’m a cis girl if I’m doing these things. I’m so fucking done with life I feel absolutely trapped. I don’t wanna be a man but fuuuuuuuuck I think it’s real now I’m so fcking done with living. I really feel like I’ve been using OCD as an excuse/a cover up and I’m scared it’s all a facade. There’s no way it’s not real now I’m literally so fcking scared I want it all to stop. If anyone has advice please send some my way. I need it badly
- Date posted
- 22w
My boyfriend is ftm, and I’m very supportive of him and his journey with gender. It opened a lot of conversations between us about each others gender/sexuality. I’ve known for a long time that i’m pan, but I’ve struggled a lot with my own gender. My OCD causes me to doubt myself a lot, one day i feel hyper feminine and have no desire to identify as a man, but the next day I am extremely dysphoric about my body/hair/voice and wonder if I’m ftm as well? and then it goes away the next day. Some days I don’t even feel feminine OR masculine. I spend a lot of my time ruminating over if i’m trans, and abt the possibility of me spending the rest of my life either not knowing, or settling for whatever’s easiest for myself and everyone around me. I don’t know if I actually believe I’m a man, or if I’m pretending, or if it’s just in my head. Its like I don’t know what to trust since my opinion is different every day, and it feels like I can’t trust my own intuition. It’s starting to affect my sex drive, my sleep, my self confidence, and my self image. It’s really confusing me and I’m wondering if anyone can relate or has some advice. Thank you:)
- Date posted
- 18w
I am very depressed right now. I really feel like maybe I’ve always been a lesbian and never knew. I never questioned my sexuality when I was young, never wanted to explore, I just was straight and didn’t think anything about it, that’s just what it was. I had my first soocd spiral in late high school but didn’t have a name for it, just that I was having intrusive thoughts and it was killing me that maybe I was gay. I can’t exactly remember how I got out of that but I continued to have crushes, talking stages, and dated. It went away and that was that I guess. Looking back now I definitely was still avoiding content and certain people, and still had intrusive thoughts but didn’t think I was gay. I guess they were less sticky. Something about me is that I’ve never had a boyfriend and I’m a virgin. I’m very shy and romanticize things like I love the relationships and scenarios I read about or that I see in movies or the thirst traps online haha. So I want that irl but am disappointed when that doesn’t happen. I have a very interactive daydream (started when I was 13 and still continued that fantasy world now too) with a boyfriend, friends, and a prettier version of me. I enjoyed making up scenarios about sex or romance in those daydreams and fantasies, but when it came to real life, I would get shy or scared when things were starting to get serious with men. I thought maybe this was an avoidant attachment style but now I’m not sure. I never considered female fantasies and I still don’t want to right now. I want to test and see which one I like better, but I’m afraid I’ll find that I’m a lesbian and I really don’t want that. Ive always imagined myself with a man but now I’m worried about comphet. I’m really depressed and I can’t tell because yes, I find some women attractive whether it’s their makeup, face, body, aesthetic, but I never thought that meant I was attracted to them in a sexual or romantic way until this spiral. Now I’m afraid of masc lesbians and pretty women because it triggers me. But I’m also afraid because I feel like I can look at attractive men, but I don’t feel the same way anymore. I can’t even daydream about them bc then my brain inserts a woman. I’m really scared that I’ve lost myself, because I truly feel like I have, but I don’t want to explore with women, I just want to like men, I’ve always liked that idea. But so many lesbians talk about liking celebrities, fantasy men, or just attractive men. Sorry for the rant but I’m struggling a lot right now. I feel like all my memories, even the ones that directly contradict being a lesbian, can be explained away by comphet, internal homophobia, denial, suppression, etc. When I do try and accept uncertainty, sometimes it feels ok, but then something will trigger me and I’m back at square one. I’m afraid if I take my meds I’ll discover something about myself that I don’t want to because I’ve always been depressed and avoidant of life because it never lives up to my expectations. My sexuality is on my mind 24/7! I can’t take it!
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