- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I can’t stop thinking about it. How do I pause just for a few minutes without doing and checking or rumination
- Date posted
- 3y
Guys…also remember that OCD causes massive doubt. It’s one of OCDs diabolical tricks. If it can get you to try and get assurance by doubt then you are feeding it. To start feeling better you MUST starve the monster!
- Date posted
- 3y
Any advice? Im not feeling well, can someone talk?
- Date posted
- 3y
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- Date posted
- 3y
Should I still see an ocd therapist even if some of my fears have come true? I mean why should I if Im already gay and know the answers. If that makes sense Im also afraid that i will just be making a big scene of this all by telling my family im struggling and going to a therapist etc and I tried I could heal myself idk.
- Date posted
- 3y
Do you ever feel ‘okay with it’ and then realise that you’re just kidding yourself because deep down your uncomfortable with it and it’s almost like there’s comfort in atleast knowing you’re not okay with it
- Date posted
- 3y
Sometimes? Im not too sure how I feel deep down tbh. Think im just one of those rare cases of hocd.
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- 3y
@Imaan7 Rare cases? Tbf me too. I feel like sometimes that this was some horrible and traumatic coming out process.
- Date posted
- 3y
@BradOCD I used to feel the same that this was a painful self discovery. But lately I think ive rationalized all this im going through is normal/natural for me, now I cant even use anything against it. The thoughts/feelings have felt way too real to have been ocd or a brain trick. Which is why I believe Im those rare cases of hocd that turned out different.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Imaan7 My thought feel too real all of the time. And the feelings that go with them. It genuinely feels like I’d be happy with a man and that I want to be. Sometimes it even feels like I don’t want the thoughts to go away because I’ve dug up so much evidence how could I ignore it again.
- Date posted
- 3y
So, r u taking meds to help? If you are not feeling a sense of relief from giving in to being gay then you are not at peace with it. If you aren’t at peace with it then this is ALL OCD. Don’t underestimate the power of OCD. It’s whole goal is to get you into rumination which obviously it’s succeeding
- Date posted
- 3y
But just reading that is triggering. Because sometimes it feels like it could make me feel at peace but I’m just too in denial to let it.
- Date posted
- 3y
@BradOCD Yeah I get that too man
- Date posted
- 3y
Bro I think you are looking at it way too closely. Is there anyway you can delay thinking about all this and give your mind a break. Sometimes this helps me
- Date posted
- 3y
But I’m so scared that If I let go of thinking about it I’ll become okay with it or even happy. Because that seems to be the way things are going but I hate it
- Date posted
- 3y
I cant, the feelings are too strong
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- 3y
IMO this is ALL from OCD.
- Date posted
- 3y
It takes a lot of hard work but can be done. A little bit at a time. Do something like reading or something that requires you to utilize your mind.
- Date posted
- 3y
Another thing that helps is to track your checking and reassurance. It will become like a game
- Date posted
- 3y
REASSURANCE 6A-9A 9A-12P 12P-3P 3P-6P 6P-9P TOTAL= CHECKING 6A-9A 9A-12P 12P-3P 3P-6P 6P-9P TOTAL=
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w
First I want to start off with, as a kid, my brother touched me inappropriately, I watched him do the same with my cousin, than later on I did the same to my cousin. I feel great shame for it and I have yet to forgive myself. Now, since than 10 years later, I have always loved women, fantasized about women, constantly prayed to have one and do things to be with one 1 day. I struggled with porn a lot as a kid because I was shown it at such a young age. I remember first watching lesbian porn, than moving to guy and girl, than countdowns, etc. I was so hooked that it took an identity crisis to end this porn addiction. (I have only been sober for 3 weeks.) Now I only mention this because I think my porn addiction somewhat ruined me, same way as what I did in the past did. A year ago, I started to talk to a childhood crush I had, and things felt so great. We started to get along but I knew all I wanted to do was have sex and move on as wrong as that is. I ended up falling in love with her and asked her to be my girl. 9 months in, we were having constant arguments and she had this problem where she couldn’t give me a break. We were with each other 24/7 and it felt like dealing with a sister at some point. I remember talking to my friends and asking them what would they do and they always advised me to leave but I was not willing to because I knew I loved her and the way I was feeling was temporary and couples argue. Couple weeks in, I started to have these thoughts that we weren’t going to work out and that I no longer found her attractive. I kinda ignored them because it simply wasn’t true, I still found her attractive and would get hard ons for her yet, I still had this mindset that, “Oh, there’s other hotter girls” and, “Your ex looked so much better.” and I couldn’t stop these thoughts. One day I randomly woke up and remembered what I did as a kid, my whole world felt like it flipped. The thoughts were now, “what if you don’t like her because you’re secretly gay?”. I first laughed at the thought because of how ridiculous it sounded, but than it just kept going. Two weeks from a cycle of unwanted thoughts (1st stage of my ocd), I finally got over the thought with simple toughness and determination, I did lots of research on what was going on with me and went with the, “thoughts are just thoughts” method. I was doing well until we watch a netflix documentary “American Murder: Gabby Petito” and all of a sudden my mind began to think, “What if I’m secretly a psychopath and want to kill my gf?”. For about a week straight, It’s all I was able to think about. It scared me so much and I didn’t know what to do. I started to get urges to KILL my gf. I didn’t know what to do so I left the room and crawled up in a ball, crying to god asking for help.These thoughts went away but were quickly replaced by, “You want to kill your gf because you’re just gay”. This sent me into such great panic, I couldn’t eat for days and couldn’t feel anything but anxiety. Days went by and I finally went to a doctor, at first I started to feel better as If I was getting help and things were going to be okay. The thoughts went away again as I began to start doing more things and get out of my room (head). I felt like I was back again, I was able to love my gf, I started to go to church, I felt that god was real and than boom. Here I am again and this time things have gotten really bad. I can’t stop “checking”. As soon as I wake up I check if my gf is “good” enough for me. I check my past and see if I have ever done anything that show signs of being gay. I check out other girls and guys to see whether or not I like one or the other. Even when I accepted the possibility that maybe I am just gay, my mind will fight me and tell me that I’m more than just gay. Truth is, I don’t know anymore. I’ve always loved girls and my gf. I don’t know if this is OCD anymore but I wish for my old life again. I’ve always been so proud of my sexuality and loved everything about it. I never been homophobic but gay stuff does make me uncomfortable. Each day feels like I lost another part of me. I feel like I can’t live like this anymore. I lost all my belief in god, my morals and value feel so weak, and my life is no longer a fun enjoyable thing to look forward to. I need help.
- Date posted
- 19w
So my OCD has been bad lately. I’ve been ruminating and obsessing over my sexuality again. And it just keeps getting worse. I hate it so much. I try to sit with the discomfort but then my ocd does the backdoor spike. And the groinal response is what keeps me looped. It SUCKS. I am not attracted to men, but my OCD is trying SO hard to convince me that I am. There have been days where I’m just so mentally exhausted that I “accept” what my ocd tells me and I just walk around a hollow, lethargic shell. But then I rethink it and I feel better. It feels like I can only find my TRUE self when I tire my nervous system out enough that it literally breaks down and has me suicidal and hopeless. And then accepting my OCD’s “truth” (that I’m attracted to men) feels like a burden and a chore. I woke up today from an OCD dream, tried to go back to sleep, and my stomach kept cramping bc I was so anxious and ruminating over my intrusive thoughts. I’m starting to doubt it being OCD anymore. My brain is too tired to fight and cry about it anymore.
- Date posted
- 18w
i had recently been triggered to have so-ocd. its been on my mind non-stop. (i am a heterosexual female) and my mind has been all over the place questioning if i have been in denial the entire time. ive always had people tell me they sort of got that vibe it it never really affected me until my own mother had her suspicions. so i would constantly get triggered un public around the same gender, while knowing my true sexuality. ive always been attracted to men but as of recently ive been having super bad anxiety to where i cannot eat or sleep and feel weak all the time. it was like that for a week or so. now im in the calm where i have been trying accept the uncertainty but it still isnt fair as im getting triggered. im a little worried because it feels like i have been lying to my parents the entire time although ive never had the desire to be with the same gender. and i keep getting intrusive thoguhts that make me feel anxious and uncomfortable. its all starting to affect my friendships as im constantly getting triggered with the intrusive thoguhts. i feel a little less anxious compared to how i was a couple days ago. im really scared on why im having these thoughts now when i have been having romantic feelings for a guy the past year or so. ive also been struggling with false attraction and loss attraction to men. it makes me feel uncertain of my life the entire time
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