I’m extremely worried about being “exposed”. (Even tho I haven’t done anything wrong). But I told my best friend most of what I have been struggling with - POCD. And I don’t know why I keep doing it because every time I say something about it I instantly regret it. She understands it and doesn’t judge me or anything because she KNOWS me but in my head I’m incredibly scared like basically fearing that she will say something to someone or accidentally let it slip and then my whole life will be ruined as people would make assumptions due to the taboo nature of my ocd. I’m so worried that if this got out that I would just have to kill myself because I couldn’t live with the thought of people thinking I’m a monster. I know it’s just ocd but so many people see the p word or anything taboo and jump to the worst. I don’t want this to get out and obviously she knows not to say anything and I do believe she won’t but like, what if she does and then that’s it for me. Has anyone ever felt like this?

I recently learned that guilt is a huge part of reinforcing the fears that ocd brings up. To me it sounds like the guilt you have over having these thoughts is causing you great distress. I think part of the reason my ocd has been so strong this time is because I have guilt over what I would lose if I had to share my thoughts or if they were true. It has been extremely helpful for me to practice hearing but dismissing thoughts of guilt. When I realize these feelings coming on I just breathe and say okay so this is guilt brought on by my ocd these thoughts are not who I am or choose to be. I don’t need to feel this guilt. I hope that helps!

Me too, I know it’s difficult to talk about. It took me a couple years of having these thoughts before telling my brother. Since then, I’ve slowly started telling friends about my POCD. Everyone I’ve told has been really understanding and I’ve gotten more support. When it’s not an appropriate situation to explain the obsession, I say I have pure o or am dealing with intrusive thoughts. Or that I’m having thoughts that make me think I’m something I’m not. I’m sorry you’re having these thoughts.