I’m extremely worried about being “exposed”. (Even tho I haven’t done anything wrong). But I told my best friend most of what I have been struggling with - POCD. And I don’t know why I keep doing it because every time I say something about it I instantly regret it. She understands it and doesn’t judge me or anything because she KNOWS me but in my head I’m incredibly scared like basically fearing that she will say something to someone or accidentally let it slip and then my whole life will be ruined as people would make assumptions due to the taboo nature of my ocd. I’m so worried that if this got out that I would just have to kill myself because I couldn’t live with the thought of people thinking I’m a monster. I know it’s just ocd but so many people see the p word or anything taboo and jump to the worst. I don’t want this to get out and obviously she knows not to say anything and I do believe she won’t but like, what if she does and then that’s it for me. Has anyone ever felt like this?

I can’t help but feel so anxious because of guilt. I feel guilty about not sharing everything about my OCD to my partner, but because I understand that confession itself is a compulsion and would not help anyone. I feel so anxious too that if all my fears come true and she finds out, then it would be so devastating for everyone especially her. Does anyone feel the same thing? How could I change my perspective on this?

How do u stop worrying about if ur going to prison if u tell ur therapist about ur ocd or real event ocd ive told a therapist before about it but i dont know if how im feeling is rational like what i keep imagining her judging me finding me weird then calling the police and the police saying infront of everyone what happened and then me being locked up for the rest of my life .?????

TLDR; i'm terrified that my past confessions/need for reassurance to the wrong people will get back at me one day from them not knowing it was undiagnosed OCD/not understanding. back when i was 17/18 i began struggling severely with POCD. at the time, i wasn't diagnosed and had not much idea what OCD was, so naturally i just thought i was a terrible person. i needed reassurance from everyone - even coworkers, friends, anyone, some who barely knew me. i'd tell people about the thoughts i was struggling with and when i look back it upsets me because i know deep down they thought it was weird. i don't know why i felt the need to tell these people about my POCD. i even remember one of my supervisors looking at me with this horrified look on her face. the job i worked at back then, i sometimes had to do parties for children so naturally i refused because of my theme, i was (still am if i'm honest) scared of children. i ended up not being kept permanently at my job (i was seasonal) due to me not doing the parties. i ended up going back to that job a year (ish) later after being diagnosed. i made it clear i had OCD and wore lots of pin badges about it and made it my mission to spread awareness of what OCD really is. i was on meds (still am). some people had left naturally, so i know there's some people out there who never actually found out i had OCD and i am terrified they think of me as this dangerous, weird p*do because of my intrusive thoughts whenever they hear my name/think of that job. i'm terrified that my old coworkers talk about me and describe me as a bad person. i had someone come into my new job a few months back, and being in customer service, we were having a friendly chat and she mentioned she just started working at my old job. i said i used to work there, she then asked me if i was *my full name* and i said yes, she said she'd heard about how bad my manager was back then. she tried to follow me on instagram and i blocked her. i'm terrified on how she knows about me, what does she know? what was she told? it haunts me to this day. what if she thinks i'm a bad person, because my old colleagues have told her stories of my POCD? why was i even mentioned? but yeah - long story short i'm just mortified that i was so open about POCD and that there's people out there who know about it that probably shouldn't, some who i know didn't like me very much anyway, and that it might come back to me later in life and i'd lose everything, and just overall the thought of someone thinking of me as a bad person. anyone else relate?