- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I've had hocd for a long time. Got over it for the most part after treatment had some traumatic things happen (unrelated to ocd), felll back into another theme and then just had a giant relapse of hocd the day before yesterday. I'm already almost completely back to normal. Want to know how? I forced myself to go about life as normal. I forced myself to sit through my discomfort and feel it. I've been doing what I can to seek discomfort. Lean into it and let it happen. The day before yesterday was the first day in a long time that I felt suicidal and I'm back to wanting to be alive again pretty quick. This morning was hell. I made myself go to work. When I was there it was busy and I felt like I wanted to run out of my own skin. I even had a panic attack. I forced myself to stay and feel it and guess what? It dissapaited. Try it. Stop trying to figure out if your gay or straight. Ocd will never let you know the answer to that question. Stick to your values.
- Date posted
- 3y
I should mention that I used to not be able to leave my bed. I felt the same, like I was rotting. Get out of bed, brush your teeth, comb your hair, take a shower, drink water, eat, go outside and take a walk with a parent or someone you trust. Its going to be alright.
- Date posted
- 3y
I appreciate your reply, thank you!
- Date posted
- 3y
Maybe seeing him could be a good thing. I know we have a lot of shame surrounding our mental states. For a very long time, I didn’t let any friends in. I kept my suicidal thoughts to myself, and I felt like I was rotting away. Don’t get me wrong, I still do that sometimes, because it’s easier than asking for help. Once I started letting friends in, it got a little easier. The fact that he’s traveling to a different country to see you says something. I think he truly cares about you. What’s the worst thing that could happen? He wouldn’t want to be your friend- but you’re already keeping him at a distance, so not much would change. I thought it was easier living alone in pain, but when you share some of that pain with another person, even just the tiniest bit, the load gets a little easier to carry. Please know you’re not alone, and if he truly cares, which it sounds like he does, he’ll listen
- Date posted
- 3y
Hes coming on a college trip/project and said he wanted to see me, its been like 5 years since we last hung out but I dont feel like seeing anyone from my old life, I feel strange and different and with how my mental state is right now I just want to be left alone, meeting people makes it worse. I struggle with social anxiety and its just too much going on at once, can barely function. Dont want anyone to see what a shithole my life has become, it hurts so much.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Imaan7 I really do understand the social anxiety. It can be crippling at times for me. Do you think you would want to reach out to anyone for help? Any family?
- Date posted
- 3y
@3Catsandadog I live with my family havent told them anything since this started. Dosent help that they have very conventional thinking. Ive reached out to a therapist but I feel like my fears have already come true so dont have hope that things will get better. I dont even know what I want out of therapy, just come on this app and rant multiple times a day.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Imaan7 For me, therapy provides a safe space to share anything I want to share that day. Sometimes I go on rants about how much I hate the feeling of water on my body. Other days I talk about my experience in childhood with undiagnosed ocd. It really just helps to have someone to talk to, even if it’s just to say “I feel sad.” It doesn’t matter what your sexual orientation is in all seriousness. Figuring that out isn’t a priority. Getting you feeling better and more in control of your life is, as well as helping you to find sparks of happiness. I struggled to figure out my sexuality, but honestly I figured it out once I was in a space where I felt safe and had some happiness in my life. I couldn’t come out to myself until I had gotten back to a more “normal” life with some things I liked doing
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w
(Long post warning) Hi, I’ve been struggling with severe OCD for six years now. it started in 2019 with my theme being getting sick/emetophobia. it devastated my life. I almost didn’t graduate high school from it. I remember washing my hands for three hours one day until they were nearly bloody while crying and asking why I could not stop doing it. I remember id have to write and rewrite sentences when I did my English homework and that’s why I nearly failed that class. I remember how I would spend up to thirty minutes to an hour pacing the halls of my apartment while my mom was asleep until I neutralized the thoughts about throwing up and I could finally go to bed. I don’t know when it happened, but my theme switched. Sometimes in late 2020 or early 2021, it switched to POCD. It started with a single thought, and I focused on it and it’s been my theme since then for four years. It has been absolutely destroying me. I feel so disgusted and lost and just tired. My compulsions are severe now. I thought they were bad before, but now they’re ten times worse. I can’t eat, drink, change my clothes, walk, or even do things on my phone normally. I’ve developed so many mental compulsions that it’s so intricate and complicated yet at the same time I’ve done them so much that they’ve become normal. An example I have is if im putting on a shirt and I have a “bad” thought, I have to take it off and put it back on two more times (that’ll make it 3 times I put the shirt back on - odd numbers are my safe number). I have to have a good thought on the third time otherwise I have to take it off and put it on two more times to make it five times I put on that shirt. If not that then I just put on a different shirt because the original is now tainted with my bad thought. I can’t open apps on my phone. It’s with the numbers again. If I open TikTok once while having a bad thought - I have to close it and open it two more times and so on. Sometimes I do it up to 30 times. So I just don’t do things usually. I don’t turn on the TV because I know I’ll redo it. I don’t open a book or grab it off my shelf because I’ll have to repeat the action. I can’t even lay in bed without getting up and redoing it even if im exhausted. I just feel so helpless. I don’t know what to do. I feel disgusting and even now my minds screaming at me that I am dirty and what I think is true. I just wish I was free of this, I wish I could just live my life. I’ve wasted hours and days because of my compulsions. I mask it so well around my friends. I don’t do them in front of anyone or I’ve learned to hide it well. But when im back home alone, it goes haywire. I just want to live again.
- Date posted
- 17w
So I recently met this girl and honestly she is amazing. She’s beautiful and her personality is perfect. She lives only 15 min away from me and I feel blessed to have a chance to get to know her, we both feel the same. But here comes OCD to ruin it. My OCD has latched onto a friend of mine. He’s a pretty close friend and we talk often. He’s never really one to let out a laugh so I always like to hear him laugh and just be able to have a good time. Partially it’s because I just don’t want to think I’m annoying and unfunny, I’m pretty self concious about myself. OCD is turning this into some sort of scary what if I like him question. I don’t have romantic feelings for my friend and I don’t actually want to be with a man. I am a straight male and getting to know this girl has been a blessing. OCD makes me feel in denial and as if I’m lying to myself. I hate this. It feels awful, when I haven’t felt this way about a girl in a long time
- Date posted
- 16w
I’ve been in a really difficult situation recently and this weekend I’ve been looking forward to for ages. I had a concert and then nights out planned with my cousins. But I’m a tad bit older than them and they’re a lot closer in ages, as are all their friends from uni, so I’m kinda just stuck here with nothing to do. They’re off flirting with people their age and dancing and I’m getting no attraction or even attention (not in an attention seeking kinda way just an I’m lonely kinda way). At the concert they left my 5 or 6 times to go to the toilet and get drinks, when I went to the toilet I went alone. I was left alone to the point people around started to notice and I had one guy say “left alone are you? You need to get better friends” I just feel very left out. I’m a lot older than them and I know I have to keep a mature head but I’ve already fallen into a pit of depression recently and very very low self esteem to the point I barely wanna go out in public, that I’m now sat here all anxious and in a really bad mood. I don’t even know exactly why or when it changed but last night I just snapped. My sister was off meeting new people, my cousin was dancing with creepy men, a guy I found attractive was more interested in my cousin, she started dancing all provocative on him and I was just kinda there. I then had people asking me if I was neurodivergent and bisexual which just sent my ocd spiralling and nobody quite understands how horrible it is to be in my head. There was this lovely guy saying how amazing stunning and beautiful I was but it kinda just made me go “you’re saying that because you feel bad for me, because you know they’re getting all the attention and I’m this ugly duff person on the side”, it’s insanely exhausting. I’m tired of it now. I don’t wanna be in a mood anymore but I can’t seem to shift it, I’m stuck
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond