- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I've had hocd for a long time. Got over it for the most part after treatment had some traumatic things happen (unrelated to ocd), felll back into another theme and then just had a giant relapse of hocd the day before yesterday. I'm already almost completely back to normal. Want to know how? I forced myself to go about life as normal. I forced myself to sit through my discomfort and feel it. I've been doing what I can to seek discomfort. Lean into it and let it happen. The day before yesterday was the first day in a long time that I felt suicidal and I'm back to wanting to be alive again pretty quick. This morning was hell. I made myself go to work. When I was there it was busy and I felt like I wanted to run out of my own skin. I even had a panic attack. I forced myself to stay and feel it and guess what? It dissapaited. Try it. Stop trying to figure out if your gay or straight. Ocd will never let you know the answer to that question. Stick to your values.
- Date posted
- 3y
I should mention that I used to not be able to leave my bed. I felt the same, like I was rotting. Get out of bed, brush your teeth, comb your hair, take a shower, drink water, eat, go outside and take a walk with a parent or someone you trust. Its going to be alright.
- Date posted
- 3y
I appreciate your reply, thank you!
- Date posted
- 3y
Maybe seeing him could be a good thing. I know we have a lot of shame surrounding our mental states. For a very long time, I didn’t let any friends in. I kept my suicidal thoughts to myself, and I felt like I was rotting away. Don’t get me wrong, I still do that sometimes, because it’s easier than asking for help. Once I started letting friends in, it got a little easier. The fact that he’s traveling to a different country to see you says something. I think he truly cares about you. What’s the worst thing that could happen? He wouldn’t want to be your friend- but you’re already keeping him at a distance, so not much would change. I thought it was easier living alone in pain, but when you share some of that pain with another person, even just the tiniest bit, the load gets a little easier to carry. Please know you’re not alone, and if he truly cares, which it sounds like he does, he’ll listen
- Date posted
- 3y
Hes coming on a college trip/project and said he wanted to see me, its been like 5 years since we last hung out but I dont feel like seeing anyone from my old life, I feel strange and different and with how my mental state is right now I just want to be left alone, meeting people makes it worse. I struggle with social anxiety and its just too much going on at once, can barely function. Dont want anyone to see what a shithole my life has become, it hurts so much.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Imaan7 I really do understand the social anxiety. It can be crippling at times for me. Do you think you would want to reach out to anyone for help? Any family?
- Date posted
- 3y
@3Catsandadog I live with my family havent told them anything since this started. Dosent help that they have very conventional thinking. Ive reached out to a therapist but I feel like my fears have already come true so dont have hope that things will get better. I dont even know what I want out of therapy, just come on this app and rant multiple times a day.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Imaan7 For me, therapy provides a safe space to share anything I want to share that day. Sometimes I go on rants about how much I hate the feeling of water on my body. Other days I talk about my experience in childhood with undiagnosed ocd. It really just helps to have someone to talk to, even if it’s just to say “I feel sad.” It doesn’t matter what your sexual orientation is in all seriousness. Figuring that out isn’t a priority. Getting you feeling better and more in control of your life is, as well as helping you to find sparks of happiness. I struggled to figure out my sexuality, but honestly I figured it out once I was in a space where I felt safe and had some happiness in my life. I couldn’t come out to myself until I had gotten back to a more “normal” life with some things I liked doing
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
since february i have "POcd". Initial symptoms were thoughts, but then I did a testing compulsion during an intimate time, and I spiraled ever since. I struggle with addiction to smut. I'm cutting that out, but I feel as if it is too late. Ive never experienced this much mental, and emotional anguish in my life. On my time on this application I have given advice to others, and helped around, but I wonder if that even applies to me. Millions of times I wish I could turn back time and be more careful. I want to prevent many things, including what led me to spiral into OCD in the first place. I'm surely having an OCD episode. I have gotten a diagnosis, but I'm still not sure. I feel evil, cause unlike many here, I tested on my body sensations and it backfired (twice) I know I'm not supposed to figure out why that is the case, but now I have to live with it for the rest of my life even if its something I don't desire. This is disgusting for me, it is abhorrent. I could've never seen this coming. Day by day I've become more fearful of living with this, "OCD". I was a normal person before this, I knew what I was attracted to, I know my preferences, so why did this come about? This is singlehandedly the most painful thing that has happened to me and I have nobody but myself to blame. I am scared of death but I also would'nt mind sleeping for years on end. My parents and brother were understanding of my situation, but I failed them regardless. I don't want them to see me this way, nor do I want them to learn more of my predicament. I'm cooked. I know it, Fin, thats all folks. I'm only 20 and I already have other diagnosed mental illness so I recklessly brought upon myself another one. Its agonizing to live through, I wish this on nobody, not even my worst enemy. I can't even identify myself at this point. Its tearing me apart.
- Date posted
- 17w
I’m 21. The 3 year anniversary of my graduation from high school is soon. Lately, I’ve been worried about where I’m going in life and if it’s even worth it because I don’t know why I exist or what my purpose is After graduating I lost a new job I loved due to poor management on my boss’s side, they failed to teach me my job then fired me for it, and moved from my mom’s house into my dads house due to issues with my stepdad, both of which put me into a depression. I got a new job 3 months later. But ever since being fired and moving out, I feel like I’ve been in a depressive cycle of Eat, Sleep, Work, Repeat. I’ll get home and doomscroll for hours, and occasionally play games with friends at nights. Occasionally I’ll do my hobbies but usually feel guilty for it. I don’t see my friends and family nearly as much as I used to. I want to, but it feels like everything I want to do, my intrusive thoughts find a way to keep me at home. “It’s a waste of time.” “You need to be productive on your time off or you’ll go nowhere in life so stay home.” But then if I stay home it’s “you need to go out and do something.” “You’re being unproductive sitting at home all day.” “Seeing them wont make you feel better, you’ll never be happy” My girlfriend lives 6 hours away and is usually the only time I’d go outside and live and feel in the moment, but even then I’d feel guilt. I feel like my OCD makes me feel guilty for everything. She’s helped me a lot, but lately we’ve had a few issues we’ve worked past that made me fear for losing her too. I’ve felt depressed for years now. Before being fired, I usually felt pretty good and was almost normal feeling. I’d had control over my fears and intrusive thoughts of suicide and the meaning of life, and had accepted them and wasn’t afraid. I knew it wasn’t me. But lately I’ve been trying to push myself out of this depressive cycle, and it’s made my OCD and fears of suicide and if life has meaning, come right back. I’m handling it slightly better, but it’s still hard. I just want to move past this and stop questioning why I’m even doing anything, if I want to end it all, when I know for certain I don’t want to and that I get to make my own meaning in life. I have dreams, I want to get back into art. I want to move in with my girlfriend eventually and start a family. But my OCD makes me so scared to even try to make art, and it makes me so scared I won’t be happy or content with my dreams. I feel so alone and sad. I feel like life will pass me by while I’m stuck feeling this sad and scared. It sucks, but I’m trying my best to get there. Gotta keep moving
- Date posted
- 15w
(Long post warning) Hi, I’ve been struggling with severe OCD for six years now. it started in 2019 with my theme being getting sick/emetophobia. it devastated my life. I almost didn’t graduate high school from it. I remember washing my hands for three hours one day until they were nearly bloody while crying and asking why I could not stop doing it. I remember id have to write and rewrite sentences when I did my English homework and that’s why I nearly failed that class. I remember how I would spend up to thirty minutes to an hour pacing the halls of my apartment while my mom was asleep until I neutralized the thoughts about throwing up and I could finally go to bed. I don’t know when it happened, but my theme switched. Sometimes in late 2020 or early 2021, it switched to POCD. It started with a single thought, and I focused on it and it’s been my theme since then for four years. It has been absolutely destroying me. I feel so disgusted and lost and just tired. My compulsions are severe now. I thought they were bad before, but now they’re ten times worse. I can’t eat, drink, change my clothes, walk, or even do things on my phone normally. I’ve developed so many mental compulsions that it’s so intricate and complicated yet at the same time I’ve done them so much that they’ve become normal. An example I have is if im putting on a shirt and I have a “bad” thought, I have to take it off and put it back on two more times (that’ll make it 3 times I put the shirt back on - odd numbers are my safe number). I have to have a good thought on the third time otherwise I have to take it off and put it on two more times to make it five times I put on that shirt. If not that then I just put on a different shirt because the original is now tainted with my bad thought. I can’t open apps on my phone. It’s with the numbers again. If I open TikTok once while having a bad thought - I have to close it and open it two more times and so on. Sometimes I do it up to 30 times. So I just don’t do things usually. I don’t turn on the TV because I know I’ll redo it. I don’t open a book or grab it off my shelf because I’ll have to repeat the action. I can’t even lay in bed without getting up and redoing it even if im exhausted. I just feel so helpless. I don’t know what to do. I feel disgusting and even now my minds screaming at me that I am dirty and what I think is true. I just wish I was free of this, I wish I could just live my life. I’ve wasted hours and days because of my compulsions. I mask it so well around my friends. I don’t do them in front of anyone or I’ve learned to hide it well. But when im back home alone, it goes haywire. I just want to live again.
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