Imaan7
- Date posted
- 3y
OCDHaver OCDHaver
- Date posted
- 3y
Do you have a psychologist that you can talk to about this?
Imaan7Imaan7
- Date posted
- 3y
No
OCDHaver OCDHaver
- Date posted
- 3y
@Imaan7 I’m sorry to hear that. It is really tough, OCD is really terrible. If you don’t mind me asking or if it’s too triggering for you just tell me and I’ll delete my comment, but what exactly makes you fear the possibility of you being gay, not that you are because OCD VERY much plays with our minds and emotions to the point it feels real, but I just wanted to ask
Imaan7Imaan7
- Date posted
- 3y
@OCDHaver I dont know frankly, maybe its internalized homophobia? That has to be it. I fear being stuck only liking guys, or changing into someone else( even if dowm the road I become ok with it still) never being able to like or feel desire or attraction for women again. If I am gay, which Im pretty sure I am, then my other thoughts are also true.
sofiaraaah7sofiaraaah7
- Date posted
- 22w
@Imaan7 How are you doing now. Are you actually gay?
Imaan7Imaan7
- Date posted
- 22w
@sofiaraaah7 I think so unfortunately. I'm not fully certain but I think i might be
sofiaraaah7sofiaraaah7
- Date posted
- 22w
@Imaan7 Are you in therapy? Have you received any treatment for OCD?
Imaan7Imaan7
- Date posted
- 22w
@sofiaraaah7 No
sofiaraaah7sofiaraaah7
- Date posted
- 22w
@Imaan7 I think that’s why. OCD can be very convincing for everyone who suffers from it, and it can even create false feeling of ‘liking’ things. I highly recommend you get in touch with a specialist to help you see through the OCD fog. I’ve looked at your posts and it sounds a lot like OCD, not a sexuality change.
Imaan7Imaan7
- Date posted
- 22w
@sofiaraaah7 I've felt many things, have had many realizations these past 5 years. It's not a sexuality change but just a realization that Ive always been not straight. I'm like 98% positive tbh. I still have ocd but that doesn't mean I can't be gay at the same time. I might not be fully gay but rather like 90/10 or something I need to do therapy and meds but I dont have money for it, ocd therapy is costly.
sofiaraaah7sofiaraaah7
- Date posted
- 22w
@Imaan7 Can you explain your symptoms for HOCD? What makes you think you’re actually gay?
Imaan7Imaan7
- Date posted
- 22w
@sofiaraaah7 Eh, its complicated. I've explained it to so many people over the years. I know I have OCD, but it doesn't really matter. I've accepted I'm gay now to some level. Telling you isn't gonna change anything for me. Sorry
sofiaraaah7sofiaraaah7
- Date posted
- 22w
@Imaan7 I want to tell you something. I’ve heard stories of people who were convinced that they were gay for years until they finally got OCD therapy (some people even went as far as coming out to their families.) I’m not trying to invalidate your identity in any way, and not trying to downplay you if you TRULY think you’re gay, but I do know based on facts, that OCD fears can never come true. It can’t, because it’s a false threat detection in our brain mechanism. But I know how excruciatingly real it feels. It can create false feelings of arousal and enjoyment, and will do anything to make you believe your feared outcome is real. If OCD didn’t FEEL real, this app wouldn’t exist, treatment wouldn’t exist, and nobody would suffer from it. It has to feel real otherwise themes wouldn’t stick. I am in no way trying to “convert” you in any way, nor am I trying to invalidate your presumed identity. But if your case were that of a gay person, I would speak to you differently. This clearly needs to be approached on an OCD level, not a sexuality level. Based on your post history, and your earlier comment on here that says “I fear of being stuck liking guys, and never feeling desire or attraction for women again” shows to me that this isn’t the case of a gay man in denial. Gay men don’t fear their lose of attraction to women, there’s nothing to lose there. Sure, gay men may THINK they’re attracted to women in their closeted stage, or they may force themselves to like women in their denial stage, but they don’t fear loss of desire and attraction to something that doesn’t exist. There is no attraction or desire there. What they fear is social stigma and family rejection, not any type of loss of attraction, which is something I can see you so deeply cherished. And they do not fear being stuck attracted to men. They KNOW that they’re attracted to men and want men, even if they’re in denial about it/repress it. They may fear what it means to be attracted to men (stigma, discrimination etc.) but they don’t fear being stuck in that desire. I know what you might be thinking. You brain might’ve went “But that doesn’t apply to me. I’m the exception” or your brain might’ve tried to convince you that you fit the description of gay men that I just explained. And that is soooo common and normal with OCD. Again, I have no means of invaliding you here, all I really want for you is to get better. I know just how hard and convincing OCD can get, and it’s rather important to treat this as an OCD problem first, not as a sexuality problem, as your whole thing started as OCD.
sofiaraaah7sofiaraaah7
- Date posted
- 22w
@Imaan7 I know you said you can’t afford therapy, so I’ll drop some free resources for you that can really help you in this journey. There is a woman that provides referrals for OCD therapists near you if you contact her, which can be lifesaving. https://youtube.com/@chrissiehodgespureocdadvocate?si=w3NYZxutqgpt3pFu This is her channel. She also creates amazingly thorough OCD videos that you will likely relate to. https://youtube.com/@ocdandanxiety?si=yz9Bz818xtVnadjb He’s a therapist and also offers tremendous help through his videos about OCD. https://youtube.com/@ocdhelp?si=Nh_YtHwZFrNpffwg Now with this one, I don’t recommend her method that she promotes, however I DO recommend her videos. Her videos itself will likely come helpful to you, but as far as her treatment method, (The Greymond Method) you’d be better off sticking to a different one. Her videos come in great handy though. Seeking help is a sign of strength. I know you think you’re gay, but this clinically doesn’t present as a sexuality change. If you’re not fully convinced, you can still seek out help to discover your sexuality after. But let’s treat this as an OCD issue first, as that’s what it presents as.
Imaan7Imaan7
- Date posted
- 22w
@sofiaraaah7 I appreciate your reply. But while my posts might suggest I dont have a sexuality issues I deleted this app 2-3 years ago and alot happened between that time. I don't think I was straight to begin with, I just thought I was supposed to be straight because that was the default I saw around me growing up. It's called heteronormativity. There's a lot of proof that backs this theory up for me as well. I also just feel like Im being attracted to guys more, a little bit to girls too but it feels inauthentic in a way and not exciting, with guys it feels way easier to be able to initiate things. In any case, its not just Hocd, my cognitive ability, to think and feel clearly is very damaged due to ocd, and my sense of self is super distorted. Try not reassure me on any of the points I mentioned. Well, whatever you say my brains just not going to accept it or feel anything. Yeah I'm trying to save up some money for medication to get rid of this non stop anxiety and maybe some therapy. Again thanks for you reply, you're very nice Lastly the people you mentioned, I used to watched them 5 years ago lol, Im desensitized to all ocd material now. Nothing helps unfortunately. ( I'm a real deep mess)
sofiaraaah7sofiaraaah7
- Date posted
- 22w
@Imaan7 Thank you for your response. I’m sorry you had to find out in such a troubling and debilitating way. I have a question. Do you think you ever had OCD? Specifically OCD on this theme? In other words do you think you actually had OCD on this theme and it came true or do you rather think you were actually discovering your sexuality and you were using the OCD label as a way to avoid acknowledging it? (or the symptoms weren’t actually OCD but overlapped with them/were similar to them) Not trying to be invasive or anything, you don’t have to answer this question if you don’t want to. I’m not doubting you’re gay, I believe you now, I’m just curious to what your insight is on this.
Imaan7Imaan7
- Date posted
- 21w
@sofiaraaah7 I had ocd and still do. I had most Hocd symptoms. I'm still obsessing over it after 5 years, feeling severe anxiety and doing compulsions.
Related posts
Anonymous
- Date posted
- 22w
I need help.
First I want to start off with, as a kid, my brother touched me inappropriately, I watched him do the same with my cousin, than later on I did the same to my cousin. I feel great shame for it and I have yet to forgive myself. Now, since than 10 years later, I have always loved women, fantasized about women, constantly prayed to have one and do things to be with one 1 day. I struggled with porn a lot as a kid because I was shown it at such a young age. I remember first watching lesbian porn, than moving to guy and girl, than countdowns, etc. I was so hooked that it took an identity crisis to end this porn addiction. (I have only been sober for 3 weeks.) Now I only mention this because I think my porn addiction somewhat ruined me, same way as what I did in the past did. A year ago, I started to talk to a childhood crush I had, and things felt so great. We started to get along but I knew all I wanted to do was have sex and move on as wrong as that is. I ended up falling in love with her and asked her to be my girl. 9 months in, we were having constant arguments and she had this problem where she couldn’t give me a break. We were with each other 24/7 and it felt like dealing with a sister at some point. I remember talking to my friends and asking them what would they do and they always advised me to leave but I was not willing to because I knew I loved her and the way I was feeling was temporary and couples argue. Couple weeks in, I started to have these thoughts that we weren’t going to work out and that I no longer found her attractive. I kinda ignored them because it simply wasn’t true, I still found her attractive and would get hard ons for her yet, I still had this mindset that, “Oh, there’s other hotter girls” and, “Your ex looked so much better.” and I couldn’t stop these thoughts. One day I randomly woke up and remembered what I did as a kid, my whole world felt like it flipped. The thoughts were now, “what if you don’t like her because you’re secretly gay?”. I first laughed at the thought because of how ridiculous it sounded, but than it just kept going. Two weeks from a cycle of unwanted thoughts (1st stage of my ocd), I finally got over the thought with simple toughness and determination, I did lots of research on what was going on with me and went with the, “thoughts are just thoughts” method. I was doing well until we watch a netflix documentary “American Murder: Gabby Petito” and all of a sudden my mind began to think, “What if I’m secretly a psychopath and want to kill my gf?”. For about a week straight, It’s all I was able to think about. It scared me so much and I didn’t know what to do. I started to get urges to KILL my gf. I didn’t know what to do so I left the room and crawled up in a ball, crying to god asking for help.These thoughts went away but were quickly replaced by, “You want to kill your gf because you’re just gay”. This sent me into such great panic, I couldn’t eat for days and couldn’t feel anything but anxiety. Days went by and I finally went to a doctor, at first I started to feel better as If I was getting help and things were going to be okay. The thoughts went away again as I began to start doing more things and get out of my room (head). I felt like I was back again, I was able to love my gf, I started to go to church, I felt that god was real and than boom. Here I am again and this time things have gotten really bad. I can’t stop “checking”. As soon as I wake up I check if my gf is “good” enough for me. I check my past and see if I have ever done anything that show signs of being gay. I check out other girls and guys to see whether or not I like one or the other. Even when I accepted the possibility that maybe I am just gay, my mind will fight me and tell me that I’m more than just gay. Truth is, I don’t know anymore. I’ve always loved girls and my gf. I don’t know if this is OCD anymore but I wish for my old life again. I’ve always been so proud of my sexuality and loved everything about it. I never been homophobic but gay stuff does make me uncomfortable. Each day feels like I lost another part of me. I feel like I can’t live like this anymore. I lost all my belief in god, my morals and value feel so weak, and my life is no longer a fun enjoyable thing to look forward to. I need help.
Vee <3
- Date posted
- 22w
Heyyyy!
So my OCD has been bad lately. I’ve been ruminating and obsessing over my sexuality again. And it just keeps getting worse. I hate it so much. I try to sit with the discomfort but then my ocd does the backdoor spike. And the groinal response is what keeps me looped. It SUCKS. I am not attracted to men, but my OCD is trying SO hard to convince me that I am. There have been days where I’m just so mentally exhausted that I “accept” what my ocd tells me and I just walk around a hollow, lethargic shell. But then I rethink it and I feel better. It feels like I can only find my TRUE self when I tire my nervous system out enough that it literally breaks down and has me suicidal and hopeless. And then accepting my OCD’s “truth” (that I’m attracted to men) feels like a burden and a chore. I woke up today from an OCD dream, tried to go back to sleep, and my stomach kept cramping bc I was so anxious and ruminating over my intrusive thoughts. I’m starting to doubt it being OCD anymore. My brain is too tired to fight and cry about it anymore.
ryan_12
- Date posted
- 14w
What is this ?
Hey everyone, I’m reaching out because I’ve been going through one of the hardest mental spirals of my life, and I’m hoping someone can relate or shed light on what’s happening to me. About 4 months ago, I accidentally came across a trans porn scene. It didn’t do much at the time, but later it triggered this overwhelming intrusive thought: “What if I’m gay?” Since then, it’s been absolute hell. I’ve always been into women—emotionally, sexually, everything. I’ve been in a long-term relationship with a girl I love deeply. But after that moment, my brain started spiraling into nonstop analysis. I began checking how I felt around men, whether I felt attraction, whether I was in denial, whether I was lying to myself. Literally everything became a test. I got stuck in this loop: • A thought pops in → panic • Try to solve it → brief relief • Another thought → worse panic • Repeat. At times, it got so bad I couldn’t feel anything at all—toward my girlfriend, toward women, toward myself. I started doubting everything. Some days, I feel emotionally flat, like I’ve lost my personality. Other days, I wake up with a full-body jolt of “truth” like “I’m definitely gay”—only for it to fade into numbness again. I’ve also noticed that I get short bursts of peace when I stop reacting, but then the fear comes back louder, like “See? Now you’re accepting it. That means it’s true.” Therapy hasn’t helped much so far—it felt more like general counseling. They told me to sit with the thoughts, but didn’t clarify if this was OCD, identity questioning, or trauma. That just made it worse because now I’m back to thinking “What if I’m just rejecting my truth?” I’m exhausted. I’ve lost connection to everything I used to love. • I want to love my girl again the way I used to • I want to feel desire without overthinking • I want to trust myself again I’m not looking for reassurance—I just want to know if anyone else has gone through something like this, and if this sounds like HOCD or identity OCD. Thanks for reading.
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