- Username
- WhyMe?
- Date posted
- 3y ago
- Username
- Brian K.Brian K.
- User type
- NOCD Alumni
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Hi Anonymous, like OCD33 said, slipping during the course of ERP is not a failure. It happens, heck it still happens to me after months of ERP, especially when my anxiety is running high from outside stressors or I am extremely tired. The OCD bully is just trying to make you doubt your progress and your strength of will because youare starving it by doing ERP and not doubting yourself. You feeling better makes it feel worse and get desperate and lash out in anyway it can to ty to win you back. ERP will gradually get easier over time, but celebrate even the small victories and don’t be hard on yourself if you slip up. Keep an eye out for any back door spikes from when your anxiety starts leveling out and your OCD will start questioning why you aren’t anxious “enough” anymore about your intrusive thoughts or when doing ERP, stay strong and don’t let the OCD make you start doubting yourself and you progress and convictions. Best wishes, you are strong and you got this.
- Username
- WhyMe?WhyMe?
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Hi BK, thank you for your comment. You have no ideal how much that means to me. It is definitely a challenge & like all suffers, I wish I wasn’t experiencing this. However, it is what it is and I will continue to fight for myself. I will work hard on recovering. I also wish you the best on your recovery! Stay strong & thanks once again for your support ❤️
- Username
- Brian K.Brian K.
- User type
- NOCD Alumni
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Anonymous Hi Anonymous, very glad I could help and yep, OCD is definitely not a daily added challenge we ever asked for, but it is one I know we can both overcome. Stay positive and determined with your ERP exercises and in your recovery journey in general and be proud of yourself for standing up to the OCD bully. Best wishes and take care!
- Username
- Jesse MillerJesse Miller
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y ago
i think the easiest way to give acceptance is to allow yourself to not really know your sexual orientation. you don't need an answer to it, and maybe you like boys, or girls, or both, or neither. the best thing about our sexual orientation is that it is for us to decide, and it doesn't matter what others think of it. we do not need to give into reassurance and we do not need to check it. when you start to get these thoughts, just say to yourself "i like whoever i like today, and that's fine" and keep going. you got this!
- Username
- WhyMe?WhyMe?
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Thank you Jesse! It is definitely hard, especially when I have never doubted my sexual orientation before (I’m 28 & have always identity as straight). Never had an issue with complimenting other females, however this intrusive thought stuck with me, which in turn makes me confused.. especially doing ERP. It sucks even more to develop ROCD while in treatment.. I feel so guilty and sad that my fiancé have to also deal with my mental health. He’s the sweetest. I am still learning to accept it all, even though it hurts so badly. I appreciate your comment. You’re all very supportive!
- Username
- Jesse MillerJesse Miller
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Anonymous I’ve been there. It is definitely a challenge. Remind yourself though - you can have your thoughts every single day, but your actions is what is going to speak louder. You can love your fiancé everyday and be in a wonderful and loving relationship, and tomorrow you might think “maybe I’m gay”, and that is ok. It doesn’t mean you have to end it, just have the thought and keep going in the relationship you have! It’s amazing he supports you
- Username
- WhyMe?WhyMe?
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Jesse Miller Does these thoughts AND feelings fade into the background over time? For me, the anxiety has dropped over the months while doing ERP. However, I continue to wake up being reminded of what I’m going through & that in turns makes my chest tight and it does makes me feel sad. Very good point! I continuously love him, despite being triggered when he’s around. I won’t let this brain mess up my relationship with him. He is support supportive!!
- Username
- Jesse MillerJesse Miller
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Anonymous Yes, sometimes it’ll be silently in the background. Other times it’ll still be loud. Recovery is never linear and you will have to navigate how to live with your obsessions. Pushing yourself to fight compulsions helps a lot!
- Username
- WhyMe?WhyMe?
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Jesse Miller I think I still have a long way when it comes to accepting my subtypes. Before knowing it was a form of OCD subtype, I went a year undiagnosed until the third flare, I finally found the reason why. However the first two flares didn’t lasted as long and of course I forgot about them. Therapy did lots of good but it has impacted me so much more than the first two flares. I’m just afraid I can’t live like before.
- Username
- AnimaniashAnimaniash
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I struggle with it too, and it's super scary, but it is overcomable. Just think "maybe I do like that gender. It's hopeless. I'm never getting out of it" Don't question your thoughts. That only fuels the fire. It makes them more scary. I still struggle but going towards the thoughts instead of running away can help you get used to the anxiety and unhook yourself ☺️
- Username
- WhyMe?WhyMe?
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Have you done ERP with NOCD? I’ve had other subtypes before but this one scares me most. Just when I started to feel better, my OCD goes “oh you self diagnosed yourself, your first therapist never said it’s true. You’re in denial”. It fuled my ocd after writing my “worst case scenario”. I’ve been on treatment for almost 2 months 😪
- Username
- OCD33OCD33
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y ago
ERP for this and for any subtype is worse before it gets better. Try not to ruminate on the thoughts and do not Google!!
- Username
- WhyMe?WhyMe?
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@OCD33 I failed today by googling after a month into treatment! I feel like a failure that I gave in to this stupid OCD! Don’t get me wrong it has gotten better when it comes to my anxiety dropping but I’m currently in the “confusion” phase of my sexuality. I feel nothing.
- Username
- OCD33OCD33
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Anonymous That is not failing!! Girl!! I used to not be able to go a day without Google! Celebrate those victories. A mess up today doesn’t mean all your hard work is gone!!! Just know ocd loves the uncertainty and doubt
- Username
- WhyMe?WhyMe?
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@OCD33 Thanks for your support! I also wish you full speed recovery ❤️🩹
Related posts
- Username
- butwhatif
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Re: HOCD/bisexuality So I'm sure a lot of us here are familiar with the old "no one is 100% straight or gay," "sexuality is a spectrum," etc. etc. etc. Obviously those things don't offer sticking reassurance to those of us with a feelings of intense doubt, urgency & guilt telling us we are liars, need to immediately live in accordance with our true selves, and so on. I'm just curious whether anyone here is actually somewhat comfortable with the idea of bisexuality, like I am sometimes. What mostly triggers me are thoughts that I would like being with the same sex MORE, that I'm MOSTLY gay, that I shouldn't have a boyfriend because it's dishonest to who I am and going to lead to pain and wasted time, that I SHOULD go have sex with a woman because otherwise how will I ever know who I really am? It's basically a desire to have a complete understanding of my orientation and live in a way that perfectly represents that. But obviously this doesn't completely make sense because human behavior is complex and people don't solely get involved with one another to test their sexual responses, lol. They do it because they just follow their motivation and if they make a mistake, they deal with it and redirect. Honestly not sure if this post is just me having a compulsion to vent (I've compulsively journaled in the past, sometimes going until I end on some note of reassurance). But I'm hitting send ?♀️
- Username
- paufli
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I find it really hard to accept the uncertainty of the thoughts. I mean i used to have HOCD and accepting the possiblility that i might be gay was really stressing, but i manage to control it and now i don't have uncertainty with that. I have a boyfriend now but i think i would be with a girl too. The problem is with this other obsesion, fear about being Trans, TOCD? I find it a lot more difficult to accept the uncertainty. Cause it's like okay it's not my sexuality, it's my identity, i have to change who i am, my gender? And not being certain about that scares me a lot. Im really tired of asking myself so do you identify as a man or a woman? It's hard to stop rumiaiting cause it's all in my head. My question is how do you accept the uncertainty of not knowing and being okay with it? Do you have any tips?
- Username
- AnxiousMind24
- Date posted
- 46w ago
Reconciling with never knowing
How can I come to terms that I might never know my sexual orientation for sure? I keep telling myself that maybe I’m straight, maybe I’m not, doesn’t matter, and it helps me for some time. But then my mind still latches onto needing to figure this out. I just can’t understand how I can be so sure of everything else about myself (or at least feel very sure and it all feels right), but with this topic I feel like I will never know and it makes me so depressed… I also always wonder how others without OCD can be so sure or not care to know 😭 it feels almost disingenuous not to try to figure yourself out
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