WhyMe?
- Date posted
- 3y
Brian K.Brian K.
- User type
- NOCD Alumni
- Date posted
- 3y
Hi Anonymous, like OCD33 said, slipping during the course of ERP is not a failure. It happens, heck it still happens to me after months of ERP, especially when my anxiety is running high from outside stressors or I am extremely tired. The OCD bully is just trying to make you doubt your progress and your strength of will because youare starving it by doing ERP and not doubting yourself. You feeling better makes it feel worse and get desperate and lash out in anyway it can to ty to win you back. ERP will gradually get easier over time, but celebrate even the small victories and don’t be hard on yourself if you slip up. Keep an eye out for any back door spikes from when your anxiety starts leveling out and your OCD will start questioning why you aren’t anxious “enough” anymore about your intrusive thoughts or when doing ERP, stay strong and don’t let the OCD make you start doubting yourself and you progress and convictions. Best wishes, you are strong and you got this.
WhyMe?WhyMe?
- Date posted
- 3y
Hi BK, thank you for your comment. You have no ideal how much that means to me. It is definitely a challenge & like all suffers, I wish I wasn’t experiencing this. However, it is what it is and I will continue to fight for myself. I will work hard on recovering. I also wish you the best on your recovery! Stay strong & thanks once again for your support ❤️
Brian K.Brian K.
- User type
- NOCD Alumni
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anonymous Hi Anonymous, very glad I could help and yep, OCD is definitely not a daily added challenge we ever asked for, but it is one I know we can both overcome. Stay positive and determined with your ERP exercises and in your recovery journey in general and be proud of yourself for standing up to the OCD bully. Best wishes and take care!
Jesse MillerJesse Miller
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
i think the easiest way to give acceptance is to allow yourself to not really know your sexual orientation. you don't need an answer to it, and maybe you like boys, or girls, or both, or neither. the best thing about our sexual orientation is that it is for us to decide, and it doesn't matter what others think of it. we do not need to give into reassurance and we do not need to check it. when you start to get these thoughts, just say to yourself "i like whoever i like today, and that's fine" and keep going. you got this!
WhyMe?WhyMe?
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you Jesse! It is definitely hard, especially when I have never doubted my sexual orientation before (I’m 28 & have always identity as straight). Never had an issue with complimenting other females, however this intrusive thought stuck with me, which in turn makes me confused.. especially doing ERP. It sucks even more to develop ROCD while in treatment.. I feel so guilty and sad that my fiancé have to also deal with my mental health. He’s the sweetest. I am still learning to accept it all, even though it hurts so badly. I appreciate your comment. You’re all very supportive!
Jesse MillerJesse Miller
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anonymous I’ve been there. It is definitely a challenge. Remind yourself though - you can have your thoughts every single day, but your actions is what is going to speak louder. You can love your fiancé everyday and be in a wonderful and loving relationship, and tomorrow you might think “maybe I’m gay”, and that is ok. It doesn’t mean you have to end it, just have the thought and keep going in the relationship you have! It’s amazing he supports you
WhyMe?WhyMe?
- Date posted
- 3y
@Jesse Miller Does these thoughts AND feelings fade into the background over time? For me, the anxiety has dropped over the months while doing ERP. However, I continue to wake up being reminded of what I’m going through & that in turns makes my chest tight and it does makes me feel sad. Very good point! I continuously love him, despite being triggered when he’s around. I won’t let this brain mess up my relationship with him. He is support supportive!!
Jesse MillerJesse Miller
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anonymous Yes, sometimes it’ll be silently in the background. Other times it’ll still be loud. Recovery is never linear and you will have to navigate how to live with your obsessions. Pushing yourself to fight compulsions helps a lot!
WhyMe?WhyMe?
- Date posted
- 3y
@Jesse Miller I think I still have a long way when it comes to accepting my subtypes. Before knowing it was a form of OCD subtype, I went a year undiagnosed until the third flare, I finally found the reason why. However the first two flares didn’t lasted as long and of course I forgot about them. Therapy did lots of good but it has impacted me so much more than the first two flares. I’m just afraid I can’t live like before.
AnimaniashAnimaniash
- Date posted
- 3y
I struggle with it too, and it's super scary, but it is overcomable. Just think "maybe I do like that gender. It's hopeless. I'm never getting out of it" Don't question your thoughts. That only fuels the fire. It makes them more scary. I still struggle but going towards the thoughts instead of running away can help you get used to the anxiety and unhook yourself ☺️
WhyMe?WhyMe?
- Date posted
- 3y
Have you done ERP with NOCD? I’ve had other subtypes before but this one scares me most. Just when I started to feel better, my OCD goes “oh you self diagnosed yourself, your first therapist never said it’s true. You’re in denial”. It fuled my ocd after writing my “worst case scenario”. I’ve been on treatment for almost 2 months 😪
OCD33OCD33
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
ERP for this and for any subtype is worse before it gets better. Try not to ruminate on the thoughts and do not Google!!
WhyMe?WhyMe?
- Date posted
- 3y
@OCD33 I failed today by googling after a month into treatment! I feel like a failure that I gave in to this stupid OCD! Don’t get me wrong it has gotten better when it comes to my anxiety dropping but I’m currently in the “confusion” phase of my sexuality. I feel nothing.
OCD33OCD33
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anonymous That is not failing!! Girl!! I used to not be able to go a day without Google! Celebrate those victories. A mess up today doesn’t mean all your hard work is gone!!! Just know ocd loves the uncertainty and doubt
WhyMe?WhyMe?
- Date posted
- 3y
@OCD33 Thanks for your support! I also wish you full speed recovery ❤️🩹
Related posts
f7nn
- Date posted
- 23w
My current predicament
Struggling with TOCD has probably been the hardest theme I’ve had to deal with so far For reference. I’m a gay male 20yr old Before this theme I was so open with my gender expression, love drag and used to do it for a time. A lot of my friends are trans women and my whole life is queer When this theme hit. It’s like I completely lost who I was. Questioning everything I enjoyed, not participating in anything because it triggered me so heavily. I went through a whole gender journey awhile back and the trans path never spoke to me when I looked into it. I love my physique and my face but now when I look into the mirror i feel like a shell of who I was. I can’t find any sort of pure enjoyment without the accompanying “what if” or “you’re this” intrusive thought I still enjoy how I look. I’ve not looked in the mirror and felt like anything is missing from me or needs to be taken away I just feel like a spectator in my life while this disease tells me I’m not who I know myself to be I affirm myself every day I know who I am and it may change in the future but that’s not important. It’s highly unlikely it will but it may! Giving into the uncertainty has been so hard but it’s worth it! My ocd has really picked up since getting into my first serious relationship I care about my boyfriend with my whole heart but over the course of our relationship my themes have included Health Relationship Irreality Harm I just want to be who I was again before this current theme it feels unbearable to live like this BUT! I’m seeking appropriate treatment and not giving into a majority of compulsions I just wanted to write this to see if anyone can relate and if they do. Know that you will overcome this! I know I will and you will too
What is happ...
- Date posted
- 21w
Questions… I don’t want reassurance just advice
I’ve tried accepting the uncertainty, I’ve accepted I may be gay, bi or still straight. I’ve tried doing ERP myself to the best I can. When I accept that I’m gay or bi why doesn’t my head agree and move on? Why does it still question it? I know I don’t want to be at all. I love my family. But I just want this to move on. I want to enjoy life. Why can’t I find women attractive again? (Brief moments I do). I seriously don’t understand the false attraction? I’ve tried agreeing with it but it won’t let this drop. Why am I attracted to the same sex? Why am I attracted to people I would never thought of looking at? Why does it give me such grief about this? I know I shouldn’t look at adult content but why can I only feel good watching either lesbian or females? I tried to agree with the gay but it makes me sick and horrendous I even considered this? I just want my life back.
anonymous00981
- Date posted
- 19w
Uncertainty sucks.
I’m trying to live with uncertainty but it doesn’t feel right. The “I may or may not be bi/gay” really sucks because I can’t stop ruminating, analyzing, or checking. This especially sucks because I feel like literally EVERYTHING in my life leads to the fact that I’m a fraud which feels horrible. I can’t even talk to my friends the way I used to without feeling like I’m lying about myself. The false attraction and loss of attraction to men is literally horrible because now I feel like the life i fantasized for myself isn’t something I want.
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