TW* Feel like Ill still be gay even after recovery. There really is no way out, actually feel like sometimes Im having a strong desire to act on them. These thoughts have definitely changed something in me. And if these thoughts came true then my other thoughts are probably real too. Theres a ton of proof from my past, im completely cornered.

I relate to this!! The past experiences just act like the worst in case of ocd and i feel whatever i think seems so real to me that it might lead me to do it and its like I don’t know if its hocd making it feel real or it actually is cause my mind is just numb right now… and its like if I don’t induldge am i forcing myself not to?!? Is that another evidence of something?!