I’ve been struggling lately with the idea that people are selfish beings and everything we do is out of our own self interest. Like even with my mom, whom I love more dearly than anyone else on this planet, I feel like she doesn’t love me but rather the way I make her feel. Same with friendships and everything else. I feel like my friends don’t like me, but they like the way I make them feel about themselves and how they themselves are happy when they’re around me. Does anyone else feel this way? Any advice?

Hey OCD Warrior, I've ridden this train of thought before to a distressing place and just want to validate your struggle - talk about existential questions! I can save you a Google search on self interest and motive (because I did that lol) and tell you what I found, because it turned my worry into curiosity and then comfort. If anything's helpful or applicable, great! No offense taken if not though - just know I'm here for you in this!! Basically, our brains jumped on a question that has divided philosophical and economic thinkers for CENTURIES. In America, our economic system revolves around a theory that defines the "rational" person as one that acts in their own self-interest because it basically says 1 Person = 1 Consumer, and it makes some sense that someone would go to the grocery store and shop in that "rational" way, I guess. But we aren't just consumers - we are super complex and interconnected beings capable of artistic expression, love, and deep thought - like the questions we've gotten ourselves asking! And it turns out, there are literally thousands upon thousands of pages of research critiquing the whole rational = self-interested thing. Not only did philosophers/economists/people think "This doesn't describe me," but "This does not describe society as we have observed it." You will find someone out there who is confident that we only act in self-interest, but you will find just as many people - in fact, probably more - who are confident that altruism and compassion run through our veins. This helped alleviate my discomfort with the uncertainty in my own life. Just like centuries of academic study, I'm not certain about anything TrULy motivating anyone at all, but I know that I've given more room for deep connection when believing in altruism.

I’ve had similar thoughts and have gotten stuck in the spiral myself! I realized I will never for 100% certainty know what motivates people. Can I research for hours and hours? Yes. Will I find an answer that makes me totally certain? No. No matter how much I Google it ask others. I just have to accept that uncertainty and the anxiety it brings.