Saraa
- Date posted
- 3y
SaraaSaraa
- Date posted
- 3y
For example; if he is busy; or he has to study; i ask myself if he really is Busy or is just an excuse because he doesn't want me anymore... when i think this second alternative, anxiety and sadness kick in; and I see that option like the only one possible! So I start asking for opinions to all my friends, i start crying and searching on Internet situation similar to mine to prove that i'm wrong, that he want to stay. It happens olso that I start asking myself if I really want to stay in a relationship with him! Obviously between the two options, stay in the relationship, and break up, I see as the only one possible the second one (because it is the one that make me feel anxious, the other one make me feel nothing), but I really don't want to... so I start to feel guilty for even thinking about that! And that lead me to the most common question that I'm asking myself! "Am I forcing myself into feel something, or all these doubts are useless; and aren't things that I really think?" Or again, an another frequent doubt "Do I really love him/do I love him enough?" As always, between the 2 options I feel like the only one true is the bed one! So I start to think about my man, and to see how that make me feel (usually if I try to see if I feel something, I don't feel nothing and I take that + the anxiety as a confirmation)... I complain with my friends, i search on the Internet situation like mine, to understand what to do... It is like if I have to prove me wrong; I start from the bad option, and I have to prove that is false to keep going! But all the doubts; even If I proved that are not true; came again and again! And the strange part, is that if you take me in a good moment, I really think that two people can stay well together even if there isn't love (not my case anyway)!
domejimenezadomejimeneza
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Heeeyy! I feel exactly the same, and it’s clearly OCD, sometimes it also makes me thing I’m just trying to force things between me and my bf, or that maybe I actually don’t have OCD and I’m just trying to justify what it’s true, but one of the best advices I’ve been given is that OCD attacks what you care and love the most, what is important and meaningful to you, so it’s a clear “sign” that you care about him, even tho sometimes OCD wants to make you thing this is wrong and that if you don’t feel anxiety anymore maybe you stop caring about your relationship! Some days are hard than others, know that I’m going through the same too, you are not alone!
SaraaSaraa
- Date posted
- 3y
@domejimeneza YEAH it is exactly like that!!! You wormed my heart! (is it a way of saying in English? Is the translation of "mi hai scaldato il cuore" in Italian!) It is interesting thinking that my doubts, if I care or not, could be the answer in the first place hahah! Yeah you are rights! It depends on moments.. do you have some tips; for the bad days actually? Hahaha thanks anyway!!
RedyrooRedyroo
- Date posted
- 3y
@Saraa No way, I didn’t know you were Italian, sono metà Italiana 😁 la corretta forma per dire questo in Inglese è “you warmed my heart”. Scusa, mia italiana non è perfetta.
RedyrooRedyroo
- Date posted
- 3y
It’s another form of running away, escapism. Just like some people use drugs, alcohol etc, we’re finding our escape of pain through reassurance and checking
SaraaSaraa
- Date posted
- 3y
I don't like our way to running away though; it turns against us :(😅
RedyrooRedyroo
- Date posted
- 3y
Could you give me an example of one of these thoughts and then tell me how you would try fight it?
RedyrooRedyroo
- Date posted
- 3y
To me I see it as a strong fear of abandonment. Because we fear losing them so much, and we fear rejection and abandonment we fear our own loving feelings towards them because of past experiences, we have equated love with pain and so we can’t have love and fear at the same time so we use are fear to mask the love. We tell ourselves that it’s better to hate them and make them out to be a monster, cheating or expect them to cheat so we can then reject them ourselves so we don’t have to be rejected by them because we’re expecting it. You get me? This is just how I see it thought and many people might see it differently
SaraaSaraa
- Date posted
- 3y
You are probably right! Like always!! I never actually think the situation with this prospective, but It could be true! I always had a problem with finishing things! Like for example I can't watch the last episode of a show, because then I would be left with "the void"! Even with candies; I always leave there one or two, in case in a future I might need or want them... but I will never eat them until I have the new ones!! It could be that plus all the sabotage thing, I prefer to be prepared and to "push away him by myself" than to be left alone!
RedyrooRedyroo
- Date posted
- 3y
I think we’re experiencing trauma and the ocd is a symptom of it. We’re trying so hard to protect ourselves from experiencing pain again so we go into overdrive and we check, we seek answers, but obvs as we know with ocd, checking and seekin perpetuates those thoughts and is a mad repeating cycle that also feeds anxiety. The only way to get over our fear of abandonment is to face the pain and sit with it once and for all and to not keep feeding the anxiety. The more you feed it, the more you’re not willing to heal yourself
Related posts
Mariabae
- Date posted
- 23w
scary rocd
Lately, I’ve been feeling like my relationship isn’t real. I keep thinking: • Why am I even with him? • Do I actually like him, or am I just used to him? • What if I’m just convincing myself that I like him? I feel numb, disconnected, and nothing I tell myself reassures me. Sometimes, I get really irritable when we talk, I don’t feel joy, and I start overanalyzing everything. It makes me feel like the absolute truth is that I don’t like him, and I’m just in denial. I also heard that when you don’t like someone, there’s no anxiety—just relief. But I have moments where the thought “I don’t want to be with him” crosses my mind, and I don’t feel anything at all. And because I don’t panic immediately, I start thinking “Maybe this means it’s true.” I’ve read that love isn’t about feeling excitement 24/7, but my mind keeps telling me that if I don’t feel connected, if I have to search for reasons why I like him, that must mean I don’t. I feel like I’m losing touch with my emotions, and no matter what I do, I can’t seem to feel love or happiness the way I used to. It’s like I keep waiting for some proof that I truly want to be with him, but I never find it. Has anyone else felt this way? I feel like I’m trapped in this endless doubt, and I don’t know what’s real anymore.
Mariabae
- Date posted
- 17w
rocd
I just saw my boyfriend, and even though everything was okay on the outside, inside my mind it was a storm. I kept having thoughts like: “You don’t like him.” “You’re not feeling anything.” “You’re pretending.” “You don’t care.” And then, he said something sweet — something that should’ve made me feel happy: “We should marry.” And instead of warmth, I felt anxiety. A pit in my stomach. A voice in my head saying: “You don’t want that.” “You’ll never stay with him.” “If you really loved him, you’d feel joy.” And I hate it. I hate that I’m in this state. I don’t feel connected. I don’t feel clarity. I don’t even know what I feel anymore. I just feel… numb. And the worst part? It feels like I don’t even care. But I know I do. Somewhere, beneath all the noise and panic and obsessive thoughts, I care. I want to feel close to him. I want to stop second-guessing every word, every touch, every thought. This is ROCD. It makes me question everything. It makes me feel like I’m lying — even when I’m not. It steals the moments that should feel warm and turns them into confusion. If anyone else feels this awful mix of numbness, fear, and guilt — please tell me I’m not alone.
isabella123456
- Date posted
- 16w
Rocd
Im scared that if I start to think it too much, I will start to believe it, and it becomes my reality. I always have thoughts like, “Do I love him, what if I lose feelings, how longs is this going to last, when will these thoughts finally go away, is he the one for me, is this how love feels like or am I just convincing myself?” I start to search things up to make myself feel better but the longest that works for is a few hours and then that gut wrenching feeling comes back. I love him I’m sure of it, but then why do I feel like this? I know if I didn’t love someone I would let them go and would t even fight for it or try to get better, but for him I’m trying ever second of everyday and sometimes I just feel so hopeless. I can’t afford a therapist and I’m too busy to talk to one. I don’t know what to do or how to feel, sometimes I just feel numb and I hate it, sometimes I feel like crying but can’t, and most the time I don’t feel jealous anymore and that scares me because I’m a jealous person. Then I get thoughts and reminders of my ex. Not in a way that I like them but the hatred and the trauma and pain they left me with. The mental, verbal and physical abuse. Sometimes my current relationship reminds me of him and why I shouldn’t be in one because I always fall into this deep hole that feels impossible to get out of. I just get so scared.
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond