Saraa
- Date posted
- 3y
SaraaSaraa
- Date posted
- 3y
For example; if he is busy; or he has to study; i ask myself if he really is Busy or is just an excuse because he doesn't want me anymore... when i think this second alternative, anxiety and sadness kick in; and I see that option like the only one possible! So I start asking for opinions to all my friends, i start crying and searching on Internet situation similar to mine to prove that i'm wrong, that he want to stay. It happens olso that I start asking myself if I really want to stay in a relationship with him! Obviously between the two options, stay in the relationship, and break up, I see as the only one possible the second one (because it is the one that make me feel anxious, the other one make me feel nothing), but I really don't want to... so I start to feel guilty for even thinking about that! And that lead me to the most common question that I'm asking myself! "Am I forcing myself into feel something, or all these doubts are useless; and aren't things that I really think?" Or again, an another frequent doubt "Do I really love him/do I love him enough?" As always, between the 2 options I feel like the only one true is the bed one! So I start to think about my man, and to see how that make me feel (usually if I try to see if I feel something, I don't feel nothing and I take that + the anxiety as a confirmation)... I complain with my friends, i search on the Internet situation like mine, to understand what to do... It is like if I have to prove me wrong; I start from the bad option, and I have to prove that is false to keep going! But all the doubts; even If I proved that are not true; came again and again! And the strange part, is that if you take me in a good moment, I really think that two people can stay well together even if there isn't love (not my case anyway)!
domejimenezadomejimeneza
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Heeeyy! I feel exactly the same, and it’s clearly OCD, sometimes it also makes me thing I’m just trying to force things between me and my bf, or that maybe I actually don’t have OCD and I’m just trying to justify what it’s true, but one of the best advices I’ve been given is that OCD attacks what you care and love the most, what is important and meaningful to you, so it’s a clear “sign” that you care about him, even tho sometimes OCD wants to make you thing this is wrong and that if you don’t feel anxiety anymore maybe you stop caring about your relationship! Some days are hard than others, know that I’m going through the same too, you are not alone!
SaraaSaraa
- Date posted
- 3y
@domejimeneza YEAH it is exactly like that!!! You wormed my heart! (is it a way of saying in English? Is the translation of "mi hai scaldato il cuore" in Italian!) It is interesting thinking that my doubts, if I care or not, could be the answer in the first place hahah! Yeah you are rights! It depends on moments.. do you have some tips; for the bad days actually? Hahaha thanks anyway!!
RedyrooRedyroo
- Date posted
- 3y
@Saraa No way, I didn’t know you were Italian, sono metà Italiana 😁 la corretta forma per dire questo in Inglese è “you warmed my heart”. Scusa, mia italiana non è perfetta.
RedyrooRedyroo
- Date posted
- 3y
It’s another form of running away, escapism. Just like some people use drugs, alcohol etc, we’re finding our escape of pain through reassurance and checking
SaraaSaraa
- Date posted
- 3y
I don't like our way to running away though; it turns against us :(😅
RedyrooRedyroo
- Date posted
- 3y
Could you give me an example of one of these thoughts and then tell me how you would try fight it?
RedyrooRedyroo
- Date posted
- 3y
To me I see it as a strong fear of abandonment. Because we fear losing them so much, and we fear rejection and abandonment we fear our own loving feelings towards them because of past experiences, we have equated love with pain and so we can’t have love and fear at the same time so we use are fear to mask the love. We tell ourselves that it’s better to hate them and make them out to be a monster, cheating or expect them to cheat so we can then reject them ourselves so we don’t have to be rejected by them because we’re expecting it. You get me? This is just how I see it thought and many people might see it differently
SaraaSaraa
- Date posted
- 3y
You are probably right! Like always!! I never actually think the situation with this prospective, but It could be true! I always had a problem with finishing things! Like for example I can't watch the last episode of a show, because then I would be left with "the void"! Even with candies; I always leave there one or two, in case in a future I might need or want them... but I will never eat them until I have the new ones!! It could be that plus all the sabotage thing, I prefer to be prepared and to "push away him by myself" than to be left alone!
RedyrooRedyroo
- Date posted
- 3y
I think we’re experiencing trauma and the ocd is a symptom of it. We’re trying so hard to protect ourselves from experiencing pain again so we go into overdrive and we check, we seek answers, but obvs as we know with ocd, checking and seekin perpetuates those thoughts and is a mad repeating cycle that also feeds anxiety. The only way to get over our fear of abandonment is to face the pain and sit with it once and for all and to not keep feeding the anxiety. The more you feed it, the more you’re not willing to heal yourself
Related posts
Mariabae
- Date posted
- 19w
my chest hurts.
feel like I’ve been stuck in this ROCD cycle for so long that I don’t even know what’s real anymore. Everything feels so heavy and confusing. I keep having thoughts like “I don’t love him,” “I never really did,” “I’m just used to him,” or “I’m staying out of guilt or fear.” They come with a strong emotional pull that makes it feel like I’m finally facing some ‘truth’ — but I don’t even know what that truth is. Even when things are going well with my boyfriend — when he’s loving, caring, affectionate — I still feel disconnected, like I can’t feel love or calmness. And then I feel guilty for not feeling what I think I should feel. I overthink everything: memories, how I used to feel, how I feel now, what I might feel tomorrow. I can’t tell if I’m just scared to lose him or if I’m trying to force something that isn’t there. I’ve read so much about ROCD and I know I’m supposed to sit with the thoughts and let them pass, but sometimes they feel so real that I don’t know how to keep going. Sometimes I even feel numb and that scares me too — like if I don’t react with panic, it must be true. I just want peace. I want clarity. I want to stop analyzing and doubting every moment. Has anyone else felt this way? How do you sit with this and not spiral? Thank you so much for reading. 💔
marryyyy
- Date posted
- 14w
is this ocd??
Hi everyone, I’ve already been diagnosed with OCD, and I strongly suspect that I’ve developed a ROCD pattern. I wanted to share a specific situation that just won’t leave me alone – even though it’s objectively been cleared up. I’m in a relationship with a man who is, by nature, a very transparent, honest, and loyal person. Rationally, I know I can trust him. Recently, he got a phone call while I was with him. I asked him to check who it was. He hesitated briefly and then checked kind of slowly – the number wasn’t saved. To me, the whole thing just felt a bit strange. It didn’t seem like “open behavior,” even though he told me afterward that he simply didn’t have the energy to deal with it, since he had generally had a bad day. The problem is: Even after this explanation – which makes sense – the thoughts won’t go away. I keep replaying the situation in my head, analyzing his reaction, wondering if that hesitation meant something – even though I know he didn’t do anything wrong. I feel like I need to bring it up again to feel at ease. But I also know that would only bring temporary relief, and then the cycle would start all over again. It feels just like other OCD loops – only this time, it’s centered around my relationship. Have any of you experienced something like this? How do you stop yourself from falling into the reassurance trap over and over again? I don’t want to overwhelm or hurt my partner unnecessarily – I just want to learn how to manage this inner tension better. did it sound like ocd?? Rocd?? Thanks for reading. It really helps to know I’m not alone. (edited)
marryyyy
- Date posted
- 14w
is this ocd ??
Hi everyone, I’ve already been diagnosed with OCD, and I strongly suspect that I’ve developed a ROCD pattern. I wanted to share a specific situation that just won’t leave me alone – even though it’s objectively been cleared up. I’m in a relationship with a man who is, by nature, a very transparent, honest, and loyal person. Rationally, I know I can trust him. Recently, he got a phone call while I was with him. I asked him to check who it was. He hesitated briefly and then checked kind of slowly – the number wasn’t saved. To me, the whole thing just felt a bit strange. It didn’t seem like “open behavior,” even though he told me afterward that he simply didn’t have the energy to deal with it, since he had generally had a bad day. The problem is: Even after this explanation – which makes sense – the thoughts won’t go away. I keep replaying the situation in my head, analyzing his reaction, wondering if that hesitation meant something – even though I know he didn’t do anything wrong. I feel like I need to bring it up again to feel at ease. But I also know that would only bring temporary relief, and then the cycle would start all over again. It feels just like other OCD loops – only this time, it’s centered around my relationship. Have any of you experienced something like this? How do you stop yourself from falling into the reassurance trap over and over again? I don’t want to overwhelm or hurt my partner unnecessarily – I just want to learn how to manage this inner tension better. did it sound like ocd?? Rocd?? the situation happened a day ago and it still bothers me Thanks for reading. It really helps to know I’m not alone.
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