I'm not scared of uncertainty, but I can't stand negative answers to my doubts... Is that rocd? I have doubts that keeps me in anxiety about feelings in my relationship; i feel guilty for even thinking about that and I can't "put them on silent". I was never scared of uncertainty, because each time I have a doubt; I think the answer is the negative one, that make me feel really bad (and I take these feelings as a confirmation), but I really don't want the answer to be the worst one... so is like I'm fighting with myself to find proofs that the real answer is not the bad one (the one that I don't want to be true)! And only then I can have a little peace... but the next hour; I'm sad again for the same reason! Is that rocd, or like I'm just trying to force myself😅?

For example; if he is busy; or he has to study; i ask myself if he really is Busy or is just an excuse because he doesn't want me anymore... when i think this second alternative, anxiety and sadness kick in; and I see that option like the only one possible! So I start asking for opinions to all my friends, i start crying and searching on Internet situation similar to mine to prove that i'm wrong, that he want to stay. It happens olso that I start asking myself if I really want to stay in a relationship with him! Obviously between the two options, stay in the relationship, and break up, I see as the only one possible the second one (because it is the one that make me feel anxious, the other one make me feel nothing), but I really don't want to... so I start to feel guilty for even thinking about that! And that lead me to the most common question that I'm asking myself! "Am I forcing myself into feel something, or all these doubts are useless; and aren't things that I really think?" Or again, an another frequent doubt "Do I really love him/do I love him enough?" As always, between the 2 options I feel like the only one true is the bed one! So I start to think about my man, and to see how that make me feel (usually if I try to see if I feel something, I don't feel nothing and I take that + the anxiety as a confirmation)... I complain with my friends, i search on the Internet situation like mine, to understand what to do... It is like if I have to prove me wrong; I start from the bad option, and I have to prove that is false to keep going! But all the doubts; even If I proved that are not true; came again and again! And the strange part, is that if you take me in a good moment, I really think that two people can stay well together even if there isn't love (not my case anyway)!

It’s another form of running away, escapism. Just like some people use drugs, alcohol etc, we’re finding our escape of pain through reassurance and checking

Could you give me an example of one of these thoughts and then tell me how you would try fight it?

To me I see it as a strong fear of abandonment. Because we fear losing them so much, and we fear rejection and abandonment we fear our own loving feelings towards them because of past experiences, we have equated love with pain and so we can’t have love and fear at the same time so we use are fear to mask the love. We tell ourselves that it’s better to hate them and make them out to be a monster, cheating or expect them to cheat so we can then reject them ourselves so we don’t have to be rejected by them because we’re expecting it. You get me? This is just how I see it thought and many people might see it differently

I think we’re experiencing trauma and the ocd is a symptom of it. We’re trying so hard to protect ourselves from experiencing pain again so we go into overdrive and we check, we seek answers, but obvs as we know with ocd, checking and seekin perpetuates those thoughts and is a mad repeating cycle that also feeds anxiety. The only way to get over our fear of abandonment is to face the pain and sit with it once and for all and to not keep feeding the anxiety. The more you feed it, the more you’re not willing to heal yourself