Does anyone else’s OCD come in intrusive thoughts about going crazy. Mine are weird sometimes I question if I’m actually crazy. I get intrusive thoughts about me acting like a child, losing it at any moment, and just be being a mentally crazed person. I get a lot of anxiety when this happens because it feels so real. When this happens I get hyper aware of my movement and my actions. Everything that I do oCd taints ad validation of that’s what a crazy person acts like. For example I was fine today until I started talking to my family. I felt happy but then OCD told me that this is only a sign that I am or going crazy. I also suffer from ocd about getting other mental disorders. I often question if I have split personalities and am a different person. This scares me because I suffer from harm ocd and suicidal ocd so I believe that if I am or not going crazy then I can do things to harm others or even harm myself and that truly scares me. How do I sit with the discomfort when I feels like I am actually crazy and then I feel sadness and guilt because I don’t want to trouble my parents if I’m actually crazy or guilt that how someone who looked up to life and had dream all of a sudden turned into a maniac. What also fuels to these intrusive thoughts is when I feel depersonalized. For a couple a days I feel disconnected to myself and I don’t remember what being me feels like me anymore. When I don’t have these episodes I usually fear then and then they come back how do I get past that fear of these thoughts coming back.

There are times my harm ocd has me convinced that my feelings of self harm or suicide and harm are real and that any moment I could commit the act on myself or my family. Is there anyone who can chime in on this. I feel like all the time I want to leave run away or avoid my family because of these thoughts. Like I shouldn’t be around my children and I don’t trust myself.

Does anyone have any advice for how to know the difference between ocd and real feelings/thoughts? Sometimes an intrusive thought will come in and I immediately know it’s ridiculous and I can just leave it alone and it won’t bother me but other times I really really don’t know. It’s when ocd hijacks and twists my real feelings and thoughts and tries to manipulate me into believing they’re something they’re not or something that doesn’t align with my true morals or intentions. But since it’s twisting and mixing with real feelings I get so confused and scared. Everything gets jumbled and I feel like I can’t trust myself or my own mind. Yet other times and other topics I can laugh off and push away just fine. Make it make sense. And then I start to think well maybe I don’t have ocd at all and I’m just in denial because I don’t want to accept that these scary/concerning things are true about myself. Or maybe that’s just the ocd talking.

I think when people are saying OCD is egodystonic is really triggering me and I was just wondering if this has happened to anyone else? I’m going through a really bad relapse and right now I’m trying to figure out if my thoughts are truly egodystonic, like I how do I know I won’t act on them, how can I trust my emotions and everything. I feel really confused and I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore or how I carry on with life because it’s so long and I’m so unsure of everything that’s going on in my head. Like how do I know that this is OCD and true desires/urges. I’m so confused.