I’m a 21 year old guy (21/M) who’s is straight, at least that’s what I’ve always prefer. I’ve never been in a relationship, never kissed a girl only had a couple of girl crushes back in high school, but they never went anywhere. When I was eight, I started looking at bikini models online. I did get turn on, but it felt so long ago. Several years past, when I was around 11 or 12, I’ve noticed I have been watching scenes of guys kissing online and also yaoi, and this was probably the beginning of my never ending nightmare. Later at my high school age I have been watching straight porn for some time but there were times I never finish quickly or weren’t satisfy enough, I needed more so I started watch gay porn from all kinds of categories of gay porn such as yaoi, cartoon, guys making out, furry and sometimes the aggressive type of gay porn and I could tell I was getting off to it faster than straight porn. For years and years I’ve been watching gay porn from once a week two or four times a day. I could never stop and I still can't. I’ve been getting anxiety and getting worried that, “what If I’m gay?” because I’ve been watching a lot of this porn and getting off easily, I’ve even had a couple of dreams back then doing something very homosexual like making out with a guy or sucking someone off and I didn’t like that. Sooner or later I found a certain subtype OCD called SO-OCD/HOCD online plus other things like intrusive thoughts and ERP/CBT and things. I kept thinking that what if I have SO-OCD, I mean I know I have OCD though I’m not sure if I’ve officially diagnosed. So maybe I do have a porn addiction but yet I don't know if I truly have SO-OCD, yet if I don’t then why do I sometimes cry about this and worry over and over again about this. I keep having these thoughts I don't like and when I do I have shake my head to get rid of these thoughts and say to myself in my head, “I'm not gay, I’m a guy who prefer girls.” even look back and wonder if I’ve ever did anything girly back when I was a kid. Sometimes I even worried this kind of ocd even exist. I have been seeing a therapist about this for serval months now I’ve been telling him about this even I cry really hard about it one time, and we're trying to see if we could do ERP or CBT but I’m worried it may not last long. Also I have talk to my parents about having SO-OCD one time and I started to cry about it real hard but they didn’t say once if I was in denial ever and they understand. So I guess I am asking someone’s opinion if I have SO-OCD/HOCD or I’m in denial, I just don't know anymore. All I know that I feel like I’m going insane and just can't take this shit anymore. I have no ill will to anyone who is gay or part of the LGBTQ+ community in fact I support them but I just don't want to be gay or bi at all, is just not who I want to be.(Also sorry about my awful grammar.)