Does anyone get an intrusive thought about someone like “if I hurt so n so” n then ur like “let me picture it to make sure it causes me distress” to reassure yourself ur not crazy? I feel like a crazy person “what if this really isnt OCD” “What if I am actually psychotic” I would never hurt anyone, or anything n the fact that I have intrusive thoughts about those particular things makes me feel insane. I feel like I’m a failure, bad mom, bad wife… 😕

Comment deleted by user

Yeah I randomly started having terrible POCD intrusive thoughts and they make me absolutely sick. I feel like a terrible mom even though I know who I am and I know I would never ever want to harm my kids, my brain makes me check to make sure constantly. It comes from my childhood trauma I think. But I get the same terrible thoughts like “what if I really am a terrible person and this isn’t OCD” It’s the absolute worst 🙁

When I dove really hard into ERP in August, the first couple weeks I was making really big progress and I was really proud of myself. And thennnn once I started realizing my anxiety was going down but I was still having intrusive thoughts, I started to completely spiral out of control and my OCD was like “see!! I told you that you’re a monster and you really like the thoughts!! There is no help for you and you need to end it” and I felt the darkest I have ever felt during my decades long battle. That was back in August and I am happy to say today that I have a much better handle on things and I am continuing ERP every single day. OCD is a f***er and ERP is not easy and you are going to doubt yourself over and over again. Part of the ERP I do now is “yeah maybe I don’t have OCD maybe I do 🤷‍♀️” and sit with how uncomfortable and gross that feels while still showing your self compassion and acceptance. Literally the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my entire life. Sharing my story because I know how common it is to have these thoughts and these feelings about yourself and how dark and isolating and alone it feels. I promise you are not alone! And you are worthy.

I believe you and I have been there and am even there currently. Every day is a battle when you have OCD. I don’t want to give you reassurance so I will just say that you are absolutely not alone