That's the same first message that i wrote wen I started to use this app. But like, litterlly the same! I understand you. That's exactly what I felt this days. And that's rocd yes.
No one hates you. You should stop feeling guilty at first. You are fighting against rocd ( so also with anxiety and bad feelings) to stay with your girl. You should be proud of yourself for just not running away. It is not easy. But the more I talk with people here, the more I gain hope! I have a question for you. To stop this thoughts, do you do something in particular other than crying?
When you have those thoughts, try to posticipate them. Like "do I love my half? Mm okay I will answer at 10 pm." And then If at 10 you still thinking about that; write it down. The question and the answer. That's the first thing that I learned when I went to my psychologist because of your identical problems. That helped me so much to understand better the situation, you should try to talk to a professional too!
If you want to talk I'm here! :) And i'm talian so my English is not perfect haha
Hi!! I'm so sorry for the late reply!! The app didn't notify me! Thank you so much for the sweet comments, I'll try your method!! Thank you!