- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Judging from the comments, unfortunately this is a common thing that happens to people, including me. Like one person already said, I found porn when I was only a middle schooler and that lead to pretty awful things. An addiction, warped perspective of overall sexual health, taboo videos, really impulsive decisions with other people my age all the way through to high school. I even get false memories about this same thing. Definitely some of the worst things to happen to me that I can think of but I'm glad I've made the conscious effort to keep it out of my life and basically never go into it again. This stuff fades overtime and you'll eventually be able to forgive yourself slowly
- Date posted
- 3y
Yeah, I’m trying to stay away from porn too, especially after I saw something horrific on YouTube, but thank you, I’ll try to stay away
- Date posted
- 3y
@OCDHaver That makes both of us then. In October 2020 I was still trying to cope with porn and ended up seeing some fucked up shit deep inside YouTube by accident. Never again. I honestly don't need to rely on something like porn and I'm glad I made that decision this year. Definitely try your best, but don't feel bad when you relapse back into it. All that matters is you keep trying and don't give up completely.
- Date posted
- 3y
I did the same thing pretty much, I found porn when I was way to young and was exposed to sexual things so I became addicted to it, even reading fanfics and stuff..I watched and read some disgusting horrible sinful things ..they even made their way into my day dreams and fantasies..I hate it now so much. I even did things I regret ..it makes me feel what I have isn't ocd..that I'm a monster. Your not alone and from what i read .. It sounds like false memory, please ignore it and don't give into any compulsions. Sit with the anxiety and it will fade away over time! :)
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you, and I’ve done a lot of bad things as well, but hopefully we can move forward from this
- Date posted
- 3y
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- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you, I'm just really scared, I also something horrible last night, unintenionally, and had to call the suicide hotline. My mom took my phone away because it serves as a compulsion. I don't know, I'm terrified though, because I don't look at anyone younger than two years and think they're attractive, so sometimes that helps, but then I remember some gross stuff like animated porn I used to watch and get really scared, some say it's because of that whole thing that the more you watch porn, the more hardcore stuff you watch and that again, they're just drawings, but I get terrified, my heart is beating 1,000 miles a minute right now
- Date posted
- 3y
First thing you have to do is take a few deep breaths and try to relax. I’m sorry you had to call the suicide hotline, and I hope you and your family will do everything to keep you safe. I’ve been there before and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. And yeah the OCD gives false attractions and false urges as part of it. It’s rough but it can be treated and overcome. And Porn addiction can work that way. And I know it’s not going to be helpful to say things like “it wasn’t anything like the real thing at the end of the day” or “you know it’s wrong and you stopped”, as thats been told to me many times by virtually everyone I know and it hasn’t made the shame and confusion go away. But you have to keep going and getting the help you need, have faith in yourself and in the work, you’ll be able to overcome this. You’re a good person. Try to keep reminding yourself of that.
- Date posted
- 3y
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- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you, I’ll try
- Date posted
- 3y
The show itself was graphic and I may be making a false memory, but idk, I'm really scared and my heart is pounding
Related posts
- Date posted
- 17w
*tmi warning* I'm so worried im a P. Ive been crying daily unable to do anything else but ruminate over my real events. When i was 14 (before ocd) i was watching adult content and it was censored. The woman had similar features like hair and skin color as my niece. I remember noticing that and saying "huh i guess I'll imagine that as the adult version of my niece" and I did and after i was finished i moved on and didnt think anything was wrong. I dont know if i ever thought about that again? Its so blurry ocd keeps saying i did it again in a different time but i dont remember its too blurry and its scaring me so badly! I didnt even remember this till like literally last week and i wanted to die! Im 20 for context. When I remembered i immediately broke down in tears. I vaguely rmemeber this other thought i had of her when self pleasuring when I was 16??? I think it was a testing thought out of distress? But im not sure at all! It was extremely vague image and unrealistic i dont think I liked it but maybe i did?! Im so distressed its like i remmeber 2 versions of this particular event which is why I think its ocd false memories from there. Ive been ruminating and spiraling for almost a week. I keep crying i havent ate well at all in days ive been honestly dehydrating myself and i cannot sleep. I feel like a monster. I did the mistake of researching last night and kept comparing myself to the "criteria" of those sickos and like I felt so distressed. I also have been asking ai for hours on end everyday. I feel so distressed im literally crying rn as i write this i cant calm down i feel like this sick individual even tho I dont even like thinking of that at all i dont think I meant ill intent when i was a teen but its killing me inside. I would NEVER harm anyone nor want to or plan to, deep down i know I would never act out in those evil ways but like whats killing me is what if im attracted?! Is this a sign?! Am i one of those people?! Am i attracted to my niece bc of those 2 maybe even 3(??)thoughts years ago?! Did i mean ill intent?! Am I an actual danger?! Am I a monster??? I have so many urges to confess to my mom im so scared what this all means or could mean. I feel so alone and scared. Like legit whenever i get intrusive thoughts about gross stuff i feel disgusted and anxious and push it away. Those thoughts do not bring me pleasure whatsoever but this real event is making me doubt my own identity 😔
- Date posted
- 17w
I feel nauseous. Extremely sick, i cannot eat, cant sleep well, and I haven't enjoyed things I normally enjoy to cry in bed and spiral for several days already. I feel extremely anxious over my past real events. I remembered something extremely triggering. I used to be morbidly curious about crimes and like I remember when i was a younger teen I watched a dark documentary that honestly i shouldnt have watched. There was this extremely weird scene and i think i felt weirded out but also a little aroused? but only bc I was thinking "lucky, shes already having sex. I wish I was her so i could experience it too." The poor person was like 1-3 years younger than me at the time. I KNOW how wrong that is now i legit feel like im going to throw up rn. Anyway I think I felt a little aroused??? And I think I touched myself a little bit and imagined myself in her place? I dont think I enjoyed it bc i remember it felt forced and weird and i stopped. I never did it again. I feel so sick! I would NEVER watch a documentary like that now as an adult and think or touch myself to it thats just so wrong but im scared that this is a sign im a sicko/p. I remmeber crying at the end of the documentary bc I felt disturbed by the contents but i still put some in my watch later out of morbid curiosity to see more real cases of these crimes bc they scared me. I never watched them again though. It only happened once and it was before my ocd started which SCARES me even more!!! And i wouldnt watch them as an adult either theyre too disturbing! I regret it so badly and feel like a monster bc it was messed up. Like what was wrong with me?! Theyre extremely disturbing to me and I rather avoid such content bc its triggering to my ocd but im afraid now like was that a sign of me possibly being a p? Am I a monster??? Am I in denial? Is this even ocd?! I feel so much shame and guilt it's killing me. 😔
- Date posted
- 10w
I’m 19 I hadn’t had pocd or false memory ocd during this time when I watched porn btw so I trusted my memory back then. I switched back to those themes and now my ocd is telling me I watched immoral porn. I remember being grossed out by titles that had ‘teen’ in it, even wrote down in notes how I’d only watch porn between adults and get off to that. I looked back at my Reddit history/ porn history when I was watching it during that time and it says I clicked on the titles with teen twice, the first time I remember being disgusted and switching to a different subreddit, and the second time covering the screen, now my head is trying to tell me I purposely clicked on those. But I also remember being happy around that time that I don’t associate with gross porn, and that I scrolled past it. Should I confess? I’m so confused, I heard Reddit doesn’t allow that sort of stuff, plus I remember talking to people about how gross that stuff is. Plus I would’ve felt guilty if I actually watched it because I sometimes accidentally click on things with my crappy iPad. Plus I know I’m only attracted to adults because all my crushes are older men and old women, I genuinely can’t bring myself to find anyone under 18 attractive.
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