Everyday I just feel more and more gay. I sit there with my girlfriend and feel like a fraud. Every time I check my reactions to situations I don’t get the answer I want. I’m not anxious or depressed I’m just numb. Everyone on here talking about how awful they feel makes me feel like fraud. I used to feel like everyone single person on here but now It’s like I almost just don’t care. Feels as if I’ve been in denial my whole life now. And the worst thing is sometimes it feels like my life would be better if I just gave in and let the thoughts be true. I’m now convinced I’ve never been attracted to women, even though I’m sure I have. Sometimes I just wish I could just be bi because that way I don’t have to leave my gf but that seems impossible now too. Life just feels hollow. And my whole life up until now just feels like One big lie.

I feel the same just with TOCD. 0% anxious just feeling different and like I finally know who I am. It is sad but I don’t know a way out.

Me too. I've felt the same way a lot; the obsessions and the compulsions have wore me out to a point where I'm numb. I want to be in therapy, but that's not possible for me right now. So, for now, I've tried to sit with my obsessions, instead of doing compulsions. It's hard and sometimes I end up giving into them, but progress is progress. You're not alone

I've had sexual orientation based OCD type issues for most of my adult life (I'm currently 37), and I know how you feel. It's difficult to get out of that kind of self-analytical mindset. I tend to try to focus on love more than sex often, and that helps a fair bit. I'm sure you love your girlfriend and it's worth remembering that when you start doubting yourself 🙂