I think me not enjoying intimacy is probably proof I’m not attracted to him because 1.) I’ve always been insecure when it comes to intimacy and always feel slight discomfort no matter how much I enjoy it 2.) I’m not aroused by naked body alone and sometimes it feels like I find my partner’s genitals unattractive 3.)It always take effort for me to enjoy intimacy, and once I do start to enjoy it I still feel scared and unsure of myself 4.)I don’t have the natural urge to reach out to touch my partner during intimacy, I want him to touch me but I get scared to touch him and I want to have that Desiree to touch him but in real life it doesn’t come naturally at all 5.)I’m aroused by women in p0rn just by looks, but I hate the idea of having intimacy with a woman 6.) I have only been able to get out of my head during our first kiss, the second kiss, and when we first did the deed. 7.) my partner usually always initiates 8.) I have to really put myself into it to enjoy it 9.) I always want to stop after some time because I get too overwhelmed and feel overwhelmed at the prospect of reaching that standard of pleasure I want him to have 10.) him being close to me can make me uncomfortable at times but I really want to not be uncomfortable 11.) not a big fan of FaceTime intimacy, I’d prefer him with me All of these signs point to me not being attracted to my beautiful boy but I want to be and I might be because 1.) I’ve always loved fantasizing about him and I engaging in intimacy, but i don’t fantasize as much about touching him , I have more now that I’ve had more enjoyable experiences with him 2.) our first kiss was amazing and the second one was amazing , I loved him being close to me and I wanted to keep kissing him. He’s the best kiss I’ve ever had and I love just making out with him and having him wrap his arms around me 3.)When we engage, I get ummm very physically excited, it’s very easy for me to get physically excited around him it’s just my head that won’t stop buzzing 4.) before quarantine I really enjoyed our intimacy, again I would not enjoy pleasing him as much because of my low self esteem I think 5.) when I’m around him even little things can make me aroused but it still takes effort 6.) Even though I’m not fully present, I like knowing I can give him pleasure and when I’m in the rhythm I really love being able to please him and be close to him 7.)I so so so badly want to be attracted to him and I have a lot of things I want to really try and enjoy but my mind doesn’t ever let me 8.) I get very aroused when we text things 9.)I love physical affection from him and I love being held and everything I don’t want this to be the end, I don’t want to not enjoy it. Even though I kind of have to force myself to get into it I still really want to and I still enjoy it once it’s begun a rhythm. What do I do??? I’m so scared….

Hi everyone, I’ve been really anxious lately, and I just need to get this out of my head. Someone recently told me that maybe I’m bisexual — that I might be more sexually attracted to women, but more romantically attracted to men. That bisexuality is not 50/50. And ever since I heard that, I’ve been spiraling. The thing is: I don’t want this to be true. It scares me. I don’t feel romantic attraction to women, I’ve never wanted to be in a relationship with one. But yes, I get aroused by fantasies involving women — and that makes me feel broken or like I’ve been lying to myself. I love my boyfriend deeply, I don’t want to lose him. I want to feel fully connected to him, physically and emotionally. But now I’m stuck in this obsessive loop of questioning: “What if I’m just in denial?” “What if I’m not really straight?” “What if this is why my libido is low?” It’s exhausting, and I don’t know if this is OCD, anxiety, or if something is fundamentally wrong. Has anyone else felt this split — romantic feelings for one gender, sexual feelings for another? I feel so alone and scared. Thanks for listening.

hi guys i added to list. i’m freaking out i just need some help. signs of comphet (comphet is when lesbians who don’t know it and just follow norms and believe there straight) ive felt: “I never felt anything when kissing boys and totally thought that was normal… I talk to men, go on dates, but I think it’s to keep my life ‘interesting’ and have something to talk about with friends.” • lack of deep, natural emotional connection • • talking about my boyfriend to other people made me feel “cool”, “worthy”, “interesting” and felt like a way to prove myself • being able to clearly articulate all the reasons I liked a guy crush/my boyfriend (he’s smart, funny, kind, handsome, etc) whereas with a girl crush I can’t exactly put my finger on why I like them but I’m just naturally drawn to them • never missing my exes or feeling heartbroken about them (i would feel sad from being lonely and no longer having that daily routine of having someone to talk to, but didn’t necessarily miss that specific person) • i was always very hesitant about “becoming official” with a guy i would be seeing and would make him wait before deciding to date because i “didn’t know if i really liked him or not” only being aroused by their the man’s desire for me • Thinking I was cooler than other girls because I didn't spend any time thinking about how cute boys were or being "boy-crazy". I was under the impression for a while that I must just be less shallow than other people because I didn't really take looks into account when I had a crush on a boy, I only factored in their personality. chasing the ego boost more than emotional closeness agreed with friends or mom about someone being attractive even if you didn’t feel it—another big flag being bored, ditching serious commitment, chasing the drama again it also feels like i’m acting a lot of the time to make it more romantic cause i cringe When you fantasize about men, it is mostly just enacting a kind of narrative. More focused on movement than features- the men in your fantasies might be faceless or blank-featured or their bodies might symbolize some emotion. you might not even be in the in the fantasy, but instead another faceless woman might be. You might even imagine yourself as the man. The narrative follows the sexual script, but the details are more vague and abstract and might even shift and change throughout the fantasy. i dont care about like what guys looks like. like my sister saw a video of a guy working out and was like got damn omg gotta like that. if i saw that i would prob be like damn to try and prove something to myself but i don’t really understand what i should feel it feels like i relate to so much comphet after i read it on reddit and it doesn’t even make me want to cry and die anymore. it feels like i tolerate men or have done it for attention or because i thought it was going to happen at some point cause it was what was happening around me like sister and friends. i’m scared ill never find someone i want to marry that’s a man it feels like it’s all just comphet and i don’t want to actually be with a man the more my meds work and anxiety lessens the more the fear feels real because i can’t get myself anxious about it anymore. i can about other stuff but not this. i always told myself i don’t chase i attract. maybe thats cause i never wanted a big badly enough. maybe what im missing is a girl what if that ends up feeling more real Straight people don’t need to talk themselves into what’s hot. like during the hocd break i would try and like see what was “hot” and and be like yeah that’s hot. i also i refused to masturbate to women and not think about it because i didn’t want it to prove that i still liked it but i mean idk if that was left over hocd

could this be normal for a straight girl with hocd backdoor spike and meds or am i more likely attracted to women: basically i gave chatgpt my story that i wrote about basically my whole life and asked to give a list of what can’t be explained by hocd backdoor spike avoidant attachment and platonic feelings for women and it gave me this long scary list now im tweaking out because it says im like lot genuinely attracted to women more then men even tho i thought i was straight my whole life. i also deleted some that i didnt think were accurate and sounded to real and scary please help 1. i have vivid, detailed fantasies about women—like dominant, feminine women pinning me down or wearing sexy outfits—that feel rich and really arousing that don’t always feel like just abstract mental tests but still cause questioning 2. i get crush-like butterflies around girls that come from excitement, not from panic or obsessive questioning like when im excited and want them to like me 3. i really long for close emotional bonds with women—i prefer hanging out with my girlfriends, feel so much closer to them, and daydream about vacations or shared lives with them which might be platonic but idk does it sound like it’s more? 4. i feel avoidant or indifferent about dates, texting, or missing my boyfriend—i notice i don’t look forward to those things the way i do with female friends. 6. sometimes i feel genuine arousal around thoughts of women that doesn’t instantly trigger panic or compulsive checking. might be meds idk or backdoor spike but idk what do you think 7. imagining a life with a female partner—vacations, emotional support, happiness—brings me comfort and a sense of fun 8. even when my anxiety is low (on meds or pausing ERP), attraction to women stays strong or even becomes clearer which makes me wonder what if it’s real but it doesn’t cause me anxiety 9. i recognize comphet signs—like chasing ego boosts with guys 10. i replay past crushes on guys and wonder if i only did it for social validation rather than genuine desire. 11. i don’t feel strong emotional connection or romantic longing for men i’ve dated seriously after like 6 months 12. i’m more on edge or sensitive around women—nervous, protective when they make new friends im scared it’s not platonic 13. i can picture myself in both traditional gender roles with women—sometimes imagining being the “girl,” sometimes the “boy” 14. romantic or sexual excitement with men often feels performance-based or like acting, rather than natural desire but maybe that avoidant attachment 15. i’m way more drawn to certain women’s personalities and energy—like confident, dominant women—than to men’s emotional depth. 16. i’m scared that attraction to women might feel “too real,” which is what happens when new parts of identity emerge through HOCD BUT MAYBE ITS BACKDOOR SPIKE 18. my strongest emotional connections and sources of happiness have always come from female friendships, not male romantic relationships. 19. i feel little curiosity or excitement for typical guy, 21. i want to be straight so bad 23. i’ve had orgasms with men, but i question whether it was emotional or romantic—whereas with women, the emotional connection feels more strong but friend wise lily with my girls and girls i want to be friends with 25. when my anxiety drops (thanks to meds and therapy), the attractions that remain feel so real but still with dread and some anxiety