why don't i feel anxious at all? like yeah thoughts whatever? like i literally feel like a lesbian incapable of liking guys, and my so-called crush is just comphet and me looking for attention, i don't even want a relationship with him i can't see myself in one neither can i see myself having s3x with a man. how is this ocd?? i barely obsess anymore, barely do compulsions, have 0 anxiety...this is just me questioning and slowly realising i am a lesbian in denial atp. no anxiety but no attraction to guys :( please anyone just say anything. how is this ocd when it'sso barely present and not distressing at all? even this is not a distress post.

Why am I not anxious? Like at all anymore? Is it because I'm really avoiding and trying not to think of the consequences that come from possibly being a pdfile? Is the only thing that is worrying me about it is the consequences then does it mean that I really am one? But I never masturbated to the thought of a child and actively seeked it. It came as intrusive thoughts while I was doing it yes I've had them when I see kids yes and I question and check a lot if I'm attracted to them and its just confusing me, I know I'll never do anything to hurt a child and I don't even like the idea of becoming a pdfile then why am I not anxious enough about it? The thoughts are just distressing obsessive I feel disgusting and Id say I still do compulsions but I don't know something just doesn't feel right. I don't feel anything and no real attraction to anyone or anything anymore. I just feel so disgusting and I just want to be normal but then again I pretty much did this to myself. It's weird to me I know there isn't a real indication I'm a pdfile and past experiences pretty much prove that and I've always been attracted to older guys so why is this happening now? Why am I getting these thoughts now especially right after I was trying to fix this sexual obsession/tension I had for older guys. Is my brain just leaving one thing to love and be obsessed about and going to the other? I'm really really just confused. Not anxious just distressed confused and uncomfortable. Like I want to throw up but I don't feel intense anxiety in my chest it feels like maybe I haven't processed what's going on properly. I'm genuinely so confused and I don't want to have this stay in my mind. Sometimes I just miss my ex so much because at the time I've felt something I felt so much things even though I had really bad rocd. I just miss loving people again and being alive again. I'm so scared and confused right now can anyone explain to me what is this? I genuinely just want to understand what I'm feeling or thinking because its not making sense to me

hi guys i added to list. i’m freaking out i just need some help. signs of comphet (comphet is when lesbians who don’t know it and just follow norms and believe there straight) ive felt: “I never felt anything when kissing boys and totally thought that was normal… I talk to men, go on dates, but I think it’s to keep my life ‘interesting’ and have something to talk about with friends.” • lack of deep, natural emotional connection • • talking about my boyfriend to other people made me feel “cool”, “worthy”, “interesting” and felt like a way to prove myself • being able to clearly articulate all the reasons I liked a guy crush/my boyfriend (he’s smart, funny, kind, handsome, etc) whereas with a girl crush I can’t exactly put my finger on why I like them but I’m just naturally drawn to them • never missing my exes or feeling heartbroken about them (i would feel sad from being lonely and no longer having that daily routine of having someone to talk to, but didn’t necessarily miss that specific person) • i was always very hesitant about “becoming official” with a guy i would be seeing and would make him wait before deciding to date because i “didn’t know if i really liked him or not” only being aroused by their the man’s desire for me • Thinking I was cooler than other girls because I didn't spend any time thinking about how cute boys were or being "boy-crazy". I was under the impression for a while that I must just be less shallow than other people because I didn't really take looks into account when I had a crush on a boy, I only factored in their personality. chasing the ego boost more than emotional closeness agreed with friends or mom about someone being attractive even if you didn’t feel it—another big flag being bored, ditching serious commitment, chasing the drama again it also feels like i’m acting a lot of the time to make it more romantic cause i cringe When you fantasize about men, it is mostly just enacting a kind of narrative. More focused on movement than features- the men in your fantasies might be faceless or blank-featured or their bodies might symbolize some emotion. you might not even be in the in the fantasy, but instead another faceless woman might be. You might even imagine yourself as the man. The narrative follows the sexual script, but the details are more vague and abstract and might even shift and change throughout the fantasy. i dont care about like what guys looks like. like my sister saw a video of a guy working out and was like got damn omg gotta like that. if i saw that i would prob be like damn to try and prove something to myself but i don’t really understand what i should feel it feels like i relate to so much comphet after i read it on reddit and it doesn’t even make me want to cry and die anymore. it feels like i tolerate men or have done it for attention or because i thought it was going to happen at some point cause it was what was happening around me like sister and friends. i’m scared ill never find someone i want to marry that’s a man it feels like it’s all just comphet and i don’t want to actually be with a man the more my meds work and anxiety lessens the more the fear feels real because i can’t get myself anxious about it anymore. i can about other stuff but not this. i always told myself i don’t chase i attract. maybe thats cause i never wanted a big badly enough. maybe what im missing is a girl what if that ends up feeling more real Straight people don’t need to talk themselves into what’s hot. like during the hocd break i would try and like see what was “hot” and and be like yeah that’s hot. i also i refused to masturbate to women and not think about it because i didn’t want it to prove that i still liked it but i mean idk if that was left over hocd

Well, I'm a lesbian who has been living with this type of OCD for a few years and many things bring me intrusive thoughts and trigger crises. Something that always freaks me out is how people describe their attraction as primarily intense and nervous, and to me it's really more like some mild, adorable enthusiasm and a feeling of fascination and wanting to get some attention from the girl too. But nothing really nervous, something might tighten in my stomach, but it won't be irremediable or so intense,Maybe I don't even really realize it at the time. There's also a bit of a loss of words and a bit of a blur, I seem slightly disconcerted, but not really anxious in a physical way And kind of crazy as some (many) describe it on lesbian and queer community forums. It really freaks me out, like if my attraction doesn't match all this anxiety does that mean I'm not actually attracted to girls?! Am I not a lesbian then? My OCD says maybe I'm straight, Because for me it's much easier to feel anxiety in interactions with some guys than with girls, but it doesn't seem like attraction to them either. In the presence of men I have anxiety about, it's more like hypervigilance about how I'm perceived by them (they'll judge me), It's not all guys I feel this way about, but some guys, This happens to guys I know who have some kind of social status. And the anxiety around them is literally a flight response mixed with hypervigilance, it's literally fear, Even though I feel like he's a nice guy, and I can acknowledge that and I can even find his company enjoyable, I can't help but feel at least a little "please leave" for certain types. In fact, I don't want anything sexual or romantic with men, I absolutely don't identify with the way people who like men say they feel about them. It's just anxiety to me. Furthermore, I feel immense disgust at imagining myself with a man on any level, even without having had any bad experiences with men. I have never been abused by a man and And I haven't experienced any trauma involving men at any stage in my life, so it's an absolutely inherent discomfort for me. I've tried dating men before and it was always uncomfortable, I couldn't touch them, or imagine doing any of that without feeling disgust and repulsion. I couldn't tell them that I loved them the way they expected, or that I simply liked or was attracted to them. It felt wrong, it was simply the wrong answer. But I always thought anxiety was the only thing that showed attraction, so it took me a while to consider not liking men. But I really don't, I don't like them to the point where it makes me sick. I've always been much more friends with girls than with boys. Girls have always been much more in my social circle, I've always learned more social skills from them. Guys were kind of distant,I had male friends, yes, and I still do, but there isn't as much connection, they are more friends. So I've probably learned to be more relaxed around girls, even around the ones I'm even slightly attracted to, it's just like that. But I feel a desire to be with him. When they're closer to me, I feel this desire to be with them, not as a friend, but as something that involves romance with them. I feel happy and comfortable. But I'm terrified now, I'm really terrified now. If all this attraction-related nervousness doesn't suit me, then I'm straight?! What if I am? What if I can't be a lesbian? I really think this might invalidate my sexuality, I'm scared to death. I'm literally crying my eyes out because I can't feel like I belong anywhere else. But then I think "what if I just want to be special?", "what if I'm not really a lesbian?". I don't want to get involved with men at all, I want girls and I desire them and I fantasize about them, But what if my attraction is fake?! What if the fact that I genuinely want to be in a romantic relationship with a girl is just bullshit? What if it means nothing, I don't feel that nervous illness they talk about when it comes to attraction! It's causing me a lot of distress and agony. I've been compulsively checking my reactions for a long time, and it's getting worse during these crises. Any other lesbians with OCD who can relate to this? Please, I need answers, I'm really freaking out.