- Username
- BetterDays
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Yes...Mine also felt like I had to do it to get it out of my system
I just want to get better get my life back cause even that feels so foreign who I was because ocd is making me feel like this isn’t ocd and that I’m not this horrible person and that no matter how many therapist I see I won’t get better .
Just realize this is a setback ...I had a erp session today and it was so so hard. I had to read my biggest fear outloud and I wonder if I will ever get better too. It can feel like you don't know who you are anymore, so out of touch. I don't know if it helps to know that you aren't alone and we are all trying to fight this.
Thank you. I’ve also been struggling to do erp because of the fear and feeling that I like these thoughts and exposures. OCD really tries to do anything to stop me from recovering .
I literally wanted to check myself into a psych ward because I did not feel safe with myself and I was convinced I was a danger to others.
I feel like you questioning your thoughts just proves you more than likely don’t want to do them! Idk if you are into meditating or not but that has helped me clear my mind a lot of the time. And just remembering that if those thoughts disturb me then they are not my TRUE intention ya know? It’s really hard but watching a lot of YouTube videos about it and how to reprogram the subconscious mind and staying up with good habits does help! Lmk if u do any of this🥺I wish everyone the best. Ocd sucks ass fr
All those extra thoughts and what ifs are OCD. I read on this app once that when someone gets what ifs they say, what if I shut the fuck up. That helps me lol
Hi there! Thank you so much for your vulnerability to share on here. I have definitely experienced this with POCD. I absolutely know how you're feeling; please know you're not alone. OCD is the doubting disorder and it makes you question anything and everything. As difficult as it may seem, try challenging your OCD. Tell it, "Just because I thought that wild thought, does not mean that is who I am!" I can promise you that with ERP, you will be able to get your life back. Do not give up. I know that OCD is strong, but you are stronger!
Struggling with the same thing right now
Yes!! I had that during my therapy session today too. I’m just picturing it like OCD is really fighting to stay in my brain, it’s trying to get in the way of therapy 😂 I think we need to do our best to take a step back and notice the thoughts when they come, and label it as OCD. Easier said than done, I know. Because our emotions are tied in, I think.
Yep I get it. My hardest exposure of course deals with a loved one and reading it out loud I fear that it will manifest or Im giving it attention. It sucks
When my OCD got really bad I felt exactly the same...I felt like I had to do something and was crying to my husband that he needed to drive me to the hospital and check me in because I was so scared of myself
Does your harm ocd thoughts ever tell you you want to do the things your worried about? I always worry I’m gonna become a serial killer or just go crazy and kill people. Everytime I worry about this I go no no I don’t want to do that I’d never do that but my thoughts tell me “I do wanna do that I’m an evil person” and “I wanna kill people” these leads me to even more anxiety and I literally burst into tears everytime it’s horrible
I wish I hadn’t have deliberately imagined the the thoughts to test myself. It feels like I’ve confused myself and now there’s no answers. I think while testing myself with these thoughts to see how I would react, I was hoping I would have a strong negative reaction to them with bad anxiety, which did happen but somehow I’ve confused myself into thinking the anxiety made the thought feel like an urge and my body went into fight or flight mode and now I’m thinking that reaction was me liking the feeling of doing that horrible thing in my thought. Now every time I have an intrusive thought and I get anxiety, I no longer feel like it’s anxiety and instead think it’s me desperate to do that because I l understood what it feels like and now I want to do that. Before i deliberately imagined the thoughts and got myself in this mess I would just brush all thoughts off as intrusive and felt okay but now I’ve got myself in this tangled mess of no answers, and it’s more scary than ever because I’m mistaking my own feelings. I feel so sick to the core that I’ve started believing that I like the feeling of doing that and this has all happened because of experimenting with the thoughts in my mind. I’m worried what if I’ve understood something I shouldn’t have and now I want to carry those evil things out but I’m not bad at the same time or the main thing that worries me. When it feels like an urge it feels like that’s about to happen and I keep thinking what if I’m desperate to do that and I’m the future I give in and it’s horrible, how did my life become like this.out of all the intrusive thoughts I’ve ever had this is the worst thing, I was saying it out loud to my dad for the first time yesterday ‘I imagined doing that to test myself and now It feels like I like the feeling of doing that’ and it just sounded so strange like what am I even saying what am I voicing out, what the hell is going on, how did my life get like this, I definitely must be confusing my feelings, I mean is that a thing? Can you have false feelings or can you confuse your feelings and feel like you like imagining something. I know that I don’t want to do that I hate it it’s disgusting but my anxiety and feelings are making me feel like I like imaging doing that and when I get an urge with an intrusive thought it feels like I would like the feeling of doing that, how can I like the feeling of doing something I have never done and that I am crying everyday about and is making me feel so terrible, I’m so confused, I mean people on here say ‘ocd tries to convince me I like the thoughts’ but idk if mine is ocd or me, because it feels like my feelings are making me convinced or that, what if it’s true? I feel so terrible. This problem all started because of this horrible documentary I watched but the man who done the evil things was living a normal life he was married and had kids and suddenly killed them and then I started worrying because why was he living a normal life then did that. I use to think the normal things I do mean that I’m not bad but now I’m thinking what if living a normal life you can still be bad 😞😞😞😞
I am not sure how to even describe what I am going through. And even typing this, I feel like a liar and feel like this is not even OCD. I have Harm OCD. I have had the thoughts, urges, and images. It has felt so real and so scary. I have been able to use ERP for all of that and was mainly successful. But now something new is happening and it does not feel like it is OCD. I cannot even put into words what it feels like, but I will try. It feels like the thoughts have overtaken me and now I’m this evil person who will act on the thoughts. My anxiety is not super high, which scares me because it feels like I have gone too far into the dark side. It feels like I have had these thoughts too long and they are all I can think about. It feels like I’m no longer myself and my identity has changed. I feel very weird. Like not even myself. It feels like there is this dark cloud following me and I try to use ERP but it does not feel like it is working. Not sure if I am ruminating or not because I have no idea what is even going on. I am living my life still, but it feels like it is just a matter of time until I snap. I am very scared right now because I’m not sure what this means and I cannot figure it out. I wish I could explain it perfectly but I do not even know how to put it into words.
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