I have been struggling with depression for about a year and it's taken a toll on my relationship. I know there are a lot of things I do now which are bad for my relationship. For example, I may play video games for 12 hours a day till I am mentally incapable of caring for anything due to exhaustion, then getting irritable when I cant play them so I can't give my partner the time of day they need from me. However, whenever I currently feel anxious about the relationship, it triggers me and I will obsess about what I must have done wrong during this past year of depression and take a "deep dive" into my memory to find what I have done wrong in the past year, in hopes to explain why I feel so depressed and confused about the relationship now. Could this be R OCD? I am finding it exhausting and it is stopping me from fixing myself in the now because it's so hard not to think about the past. I think the reason the past gives me anxiety is due to uncertainty from the constant brain fog of depression that I experienced during that time. Oh I also worry that my actions of the past may have harmed my partner, our relationship, and me. Any replies would be greatly appreciated ❤

Tulipwood

165d ago

I think this is an ROCD pattern. You care and worry about the relationship so it makes you dig into the past looking for mistakes, and it's especially hard when the past isn't very vivid. You need to trust in who you are and look foward and see how you want to be in your relationship instead of looking back.

AnonOCDsufferer

161d ago

Thank you for this, it's what I am trying to tell myself but it's hard when you feel like you are fighting your own brain all the time.