I have a fear of herpes its basically either scared of getting it or scared that i maybe already got it from someone so i get scared to even go outside in the sun because im scared to have the virus in me and getting a cold sore from being outside i hate this because this fear came out of nowhere like 4 years ago and since then im scared to share a drink im scare of eating in certain places because of the utensils im scared to go to the dentist

Yeah I have an irrational fear of herpes too...like I don’t drink after most people, but yeah I’ve had fairly irrational thoughts about it which have fucked me up, but eventually you just gotta start small, like with eating in a restaurant and work yourself up to bigger things...like you don’t have to drink after a bunch of strangers to get better, but drinking after a loved one you know probably doesn’t have it and sitting with the anxiety until it goes away

Try something small and let me know how it goes!

Creechrteechr thank you!!! Its good to know that im not alone. I am so tired of living like this afraid of so many things. I have been wanting to change my life and for some good time i have even changed my views on life i have been trying to meditate which I didn’t do before and trying to view things differently. Anxiety and ocd have shown me how little i enjoy my life. All i do is suffer and that is stopping me from being in the present and enjoying it

I have the same fear. I constantly worry things are accidentally brushing against my mouth and I will get herpes that way. Especially if I touch my eyes after. It's awful and has completely taken over.

Thanks for the reply! I've done tons of research and of course OCD still finds ways to make these things a possibility. For example I get false sensations so if I pass by someone's drink I think I either touched it or drank out of it or even that it bumped my mouth. Sometimes in public if someone has a cold sore I think I touched it. Same with being near people's toothbrushes, lip balm etc. So then I say to myself ok if someone's lip balm touched my mouth even if it just brushed against it, how much cleaning should I do to try and protect myself.

Wow! That's really insightful! My anxiety spiked just thinking of trying this but I can see the benefits. Thank you! I'm going to hang onto this advice.

Its great to know u guys also feel all this things. I swear my brain is crazy sometimes im scared to order food in a drive thru because im scared that the person that is giving me the food might have a cold sore. I get my food happy wen the person doesn’t have it and then as im driving away my brain instantly makes me believe that the person did have something

@creechrteechr thank you so much for responding! You are seriously a gem on here!! It's so hard for me because of course a person without OCD would probably do some sort of cleaning if they came into contact with herpes infected lip balm (I think) but I've lost all sense of where the reasonable cleaning line is. If I tell myself I have herpes the I'll still constantly be worried about touching my own face or touching my face and then others. Ironically that's one of my biggest fears about actually acquiring herpes but I also go through it trying to prevent it!

@creechrteechr that's great to hear it's helping you also! I never want to be a burden or annoying. Don't they say sometimes teaching is the best way to learn or something? Lol!

Yeah i had panic attacks pretty much my whole life, they got better (out of necessity) in high school... I had a panic attack in front of my “friends” and they made my life HELL for years... Anyway I was okay for a while but I started dealing with OCD and horrible anxiety/depression in my early 20s...it was when I was going through some traumatic issues as well...I started self help a few years ago and I’ve gotten loads better, there are still some issues I’m dealing with but it seems like I’ve recently turned a corner by working ACCEPTANCE into my coping mechanisms, Like literally the last couple times I stressed I got all emo and had thoughts like “life is pain”...it sounds counterproductive, but having these negative thoughts in my head seems to be helping, because I feel like the “everything is perfect and when it’s not I’m inconsolable” way I’ve been living is a bit immature and naive... So even if it makes my day to day life slightly less bubbly and happy, at least the horrific anxiety I was feeling won’t sneak up on me. I think that’s kind of what ERP is about, accepting the pain kind of makes the good times better and more plentiful

Same guys!! I had social anxiety and depression my entire life and was always a more cautious person than most but around early 20s OCD hit really bad it felt like out of nowhere. I had done some therapy right before to help with childhood issues and I thought I was doing better then bam OCD took over. @creechrteechr I'm so impressed with how much you've done all through self help! It's seriously amazing. I'm doing ERP now and still struggle so much. I'm so happy to find people on this app I can relate to and connect with because usually I keep this all to myself!

Yes its just really hard because is a huge fear that escalates. So something might trigger my fear of what if i get it and i start feeling bad and then it switches to what if i already have it so it creates more fears Im even scared to go to the beach or pool because of sun exposure so i fear and i start with the what if I already have it and i get sores and then i feel like ill be judged or i wont want to leave my house etc the weird thing is that i dont know how to work it because its an ocd that doesn’t have a compulsion. Usually i get other ones that i need to wash my hands, clean or shower but this has no compulsion

Yeah I’ve been through really similar things...it is hard to know what the compulsion is, but it’s probably internal, Think about what your first reaction is when you think “what if I have/get herpes?”....do you go online and read a bunch of articles? That’s a compulsion...do you think in your head about all of the situation where you could’ve gotten herpes? That’s a compulsion....do you call friends and seek reassurance that you dint have it or that it’s not a big deal? That’s a compulsion too... But the not going in the sun and not eating out are examples of phobic avoidance, so you need to start there...cause the fear of herpes is never gonna go away completely (everyone is a bit afraid of it) but if you expose yourself to these triggers and learn to manage your anxiety, you should be able to overcome an overpowering, irrational fear of it...I’m working on this too, so you’re not alone

Like my new mantra is “Geronimo!” Cause I mean life is scary, and bad things are gonna happen, but you just sometimes gotta take a leap and leave it up to the universe not to fuck you over, and trust that you can handle yourself if it does... So try it like, right now! Go outside in the sun for a few minutes....or go out to eat, do something that might trigger you, and trust that you can handle the anxiety.... Cause that’s all OCD or anxiety is when you think about it, it’s you being afraid of your own thoughts and emotions, if you get to a place where the anxiety doesn’t scare you as much then the compulsions, everything will lose their power

Yeah...I’ll tell you my recent freak out about it...I’m pretty sure my brother has cold sores, it’s kinda weird he’s not 100% but he’s pretty positive... ANYWAY, I went to a bar with him and his lips were super chapped, could’ve been the weather, could’ve been cold sores, but he kept trying to get me to try his beer and smoke with him and I was like “NAH” But then the leaned forward (the bar was loud) and he yelled something at me, causing him to SPIT right in my FUCKING EYE!!!! Of course this sent me into a pretty bad spike, I tried seeking reassurance and reading articles and shit...but this time, instead of convincing myself it could NEVER happen, I realized that I’d never be able to fully convince myself of anything, So instead of trying, I instead just say with the anxiety, like I’d literally say “hey man, you might get herpes in your eye, it would be HORRIBLE”....it made me feel a vague weird depression, I was really upset for a few weeks, and it seemed more intense cause I wasn’t allowing myself an easy out.... Anyway, it’s been over a month since, and I feel a lot better about it, but it’s not the same as having NO anxiety ya know? It’s like I feel like the possibility that it still could happen, but instead of dreading it maybe happening, I think “well that would suck but today I am fine”... Not saying I’m completely over my fear, but this seems like a step in the right direction

@creechrteechr thank you so much for sharing that story and insight! I really connected to it. I have the same fears I also go through extensive cleaning of my mouth (or other areas of necessary) if I feel like they have come into contact with items. Wet or oily items cause me extreme fear because I feel like it preserves herpes and can't rinse or dry off of me. Do you have any advice like you mentioned in your post for me in regards to extensive cleaning? I always feel if I get something considered moist on my mouth I have to throw away my toothbrush after brushing because I feel like it stays on the toothbrush and will infect me the next time I use it.

Well first I would get educated on herpes if you aren’t...and realize that when something is considered “not likely”. That means that you need to move on from that fear, cause no doctor or article will ever tell you there is a zero percent chance of something, because that would open them up to lawsuits.... Getting herpes from anything other than skin to skin contact, or drinking after someone with an active cold sore is considered “not likely”...so to have a normal amount of fear about this you need to deal with that first... Again you don’t have to drink after a bunch of strangers, but next time you have something oily touch your mouth, hang on to your toothbrush, it WILL CAUSE ANXIETY but you have to deal with it if you want to overcome it But I think a healthy way of thinking about it is to say “I’m going to use recommended protections (condoms, not kissing someone or drinking after someone with a cold sore) and if I still get herpes then I guess i was just fucked on a cosmic level”

It's awful!

Yeah see the brain finds ways of making possibilities then tears you apart with them, So instead of trying to fight the possibilities just fight the anxiety Next time instead of thinking “no I don’t have it because of this this and this”, and beating yourself up for having these irrational fears.... Try just accepting and forgiving yourself for them like tell yourself “there’s a VERY real possibility that I either have or will contract herpes at some point in my life”....and instead of focusing on getting rid of the anxiety, focus on going through your day as normally as possible while having this anxiety.... Do you get what I’m saying? It’s kind of hard to wrap your mind around... OCD makes you feel like you aren’t strong enough to fight it, but really you’re just fighting it the wrong way ya know? Don’t try to get rid of the anxiety, try to get rid of the bad habits that the anxiety causes like avoidance and rumination I’m still struggling too but it’s getting better once I realized this

It is very tough though and at first (because you’re fighting the compulsions) it’ll feel like it’s getting worse, but trust the process Because again EVERYONE is afraid of herpes, but the difference between them and us is that they can feel that fear without it affecting their life and eventually accept and release it

You should do it! And let me know how it goes!

Docoff...I’ve had somewhat similar issues to that...in that specific situation, I think you need to order food from a drive thru and NOT check the person handing it to you, like don’t look at their face, leave yourself in this area of not knowing...you need to destroy these backdoors or “I looked at his face and it was clean, blah blah blah”...so you can sit with the anxiety Because deep down you know that it’s extremely unlikely that you could catch anything other than a stomach bug from a drive through, but your OCD knows that there are no guarantees, I promise that if you practice not reassuring yourself by checking to see if the employees have any cold sores, after a while it won’t even occur to you

Its scary to even think of doing that i guess little by little i can try. Are you in therapy??? I have heard that cbd is good for anxiety have you guys tried it? Thank u for taking the time to talk here it sucks to talk about this with people who don’t understand they get frustrated easily.

I’ve been doing self help for years, I’m trying to get into see a therapist now...I think ERP is more what we need to look into, like we can do all of the talk therapy we want, but at some point we just gotta start facing our fears and dealing with the anxiety

Yes i did talking therapy before because my anxiety was originally panic attacks not ocd then that got better and i started experiencing ocd

Dude...that is EXACTLY what happened to me! I had panic attacks my whole life then when I learned to cope with those better it started acting more like ocd...now I don’t know if ocd caused the panic or vice versa, cause I’ve always been a pretty anxious guy

I'm struggling right now : ( I went to throw away someone's lip balm that could have herpes in it and I think the lip balm which had leaked all over the container bumped against my lip. I'm not totally certain but I feel so unsure if it happened! I've been trying not to do extra compulsions all I did was wash my face as normal but as days go on my brain is saying this is too risky and I should have done more cleaning of my mouth like rinsing my mouth with mouthwash. I haven't touched my mouth or face without washing my hands after because it feels like the lip balm is still on me and might infect my hands or someone else. I don't know if I did enough cleaning just by washing my face and brushing my teeth (but keeping toothbrush) if the balm did bump my mouth. I hate this!!

Yeah been there! Literally tell yourself “fuck it maybe I do have herpes”...lots of people have it and don’t get me wrong it would SUCKKKK but it probably wouldn’t suck any more than the stress you are feeling about it... And don’t beat yourself up if it takes a while for this to sink in...but the stress over this particular instance WILL go away

Yeah well whenever I go through stuff like this I try to say “what would a healthy person without ocd do?”....the answer is usually “wash your hands one time and forget about it”....like you can do all of this research to try and make yourself feel better, because herpes really isn’t all that contagious without skin to skin contact or drinking from the same glass as someone with an active sore...but OCD can literally just make up these fantastic scenarios that seem possible at the time, so reassurance is a dead end... You just gotta try to give less of a fuck, like you said NOBODY can even be sure that they don’t already have it, so when you come into contact with it just tell yourself “that WOULD suck, that’d be terrible”... Like, there’s ALWAYS something to be afraid of, EVERYONE is afraid, afraid of herpes, HPV, cancer, climate change, death, Tornadoes, That’s kind of what we were signed up for when we were born whether we know it or not, you just gotta find a way to have that fear in your head but not let it control you, it’s really hard and it’ll take a lot of practice but you can do it!

@creechrteechr Thanks soo much for encouraging me!! You've honestly helped me process a lot of my thoughts during this severe trigger!

@Doubts123 no problem! And check back here, ya’ll let me know how it’s goin..talking about this stuff is really helping me process stuff too

Heyy creechrteechr thats crazy that both of our ocd was after panic attacks. When i was younger i didnt really have anything so developed it was only noticeable that i had anxiety when i had school field trips or a new experience with friends because i would get nauseous and throw up or sometimes i would just feel sick and not want to go to school because i was scared of something but my parents never paid too much attention to that because they just thought i was nervous and because once i would be having fun already everything would go away. In my 20’s i had 2 big things to go through that were really hard for me to accept during this time is that I developed major anxiety and panic attacks. I was terrified of leaving my house and i was very sad and felt lonely and lost. I ended up seeing a therapist because i felt that I couldn’t live that way and in therapy so many things came out from my childhood that hurt for me to realize i had been through and i still haven’t gotten over. With time my panic attacks got better but I developed contamination ocd and i have been struggling with that for years. A therapist my mom saw in order to understand what i was going through told her that sometimes anxiety disorders spike up in your 20’s and get better in your 30’s that it could be a coping mechanism. One thing thst I notice is that wen i have a real problem going on in my life my anxiety or fear linked to my ocd lowers. Ill notice that ill wash my hands less etc

Yes i agree its great to be able to talk to people who go through similar things! I did therapy, i did emdr therapy and hypnosis but ocd continued i have found meditation to help me and i have heard a lot about cbd but haven’t tried it im a little scared. My doctor told me it was fine but idk what to do

@docoff when you did therapy was it with an OCD specialist doing ERP?

No because when i first went in was for the anxiety with the panic attacks i would like to try a specialist in ocd but therapy is extremely expensive and i cant afford it now

Cbd isn’t anything to be afraid of...worst it’ll do is make you sleepy...it’s like a weak Xanax mixed with Tylenol...it’s just the chemical in weed that relaxes you without making you high

I understand, it's quite costly! Regular talk therapy won't help OCD if in the future if you are able, look for a therapist that does exposure therapy or even an online coach that's works with OCD. That's the only proven effective treatment. The other types can be helpful or used in conjunction but exposure therapy is the only way. Even though sometimes I wish there was another because it's really hard! Not all the time but when you get to the high level triggers. I just say this because before I knew about ERP I wasted a lot of time with traditional therapists all while my OCD was getting worse.

Yes you are right. I wish I could afford it. For now all i can do is try to help myself. I might try cbd

@doubts123 I get the same way about being afraid of having it on my own face. I once kissed a boy in a sort of darkly lit place and then when we went into the light I saw he had what looked like a cold sore - scabbed over but still there. This was the 2nd worse trigger I’ve ever had and I was in emotional distress for WEEKS. I took care of kids and was convinced I had it and would spread it to them while changing diapers. I convinced myself so badly that my lips itched and itched but never had an outbreak (and as far as I know if the itching starts nothing will stop it so since I never got a cold sore I have no proof that I have it). I basically live my life now assuming I have it so I can prevent any other spread and it’s horrible.