- Date posted
- 27w
Anxious ab HIV
I’m anxious about HIV. What if I get it? That’s a scary thought to me. And then I’m scared/worried about giving it to others, not knowing if I have it, etc.
I’m anxious about HIV. What if I get it? That’s a scary thought to me. And then I’m scared/worried about giving it to others, not knowing if I have it, etc.
Lots of hugs to you. Can I ask you, are you aware of how HIV is contracted? What helps me is exploring the facts of something. My fears are rooted in C-19 because I am a healthcare worker.
@Anonymous Yeah, I’ve googled lots, but like I accidentally touched trash in the bathroom (at an hiv/std testing clinic) with my sleeve and then what if it got from my sleeve into the cuts on my hands, etc. I might ask about Prep or something even though I feel like it’s silly but I would rather be safe than sorry I guess 😣 I’m sorry you have anxiety about c-19 too ❤️
I have this same kind of OCD. Constant intrusive thoughts about if I was careful enough during intimacy, what if I got something I’m unaware of even though used protection and get tested after every partner. What if they lied to Me? It has burdened me so badly in the past to where I stopped dating all together and was bed ridden with fear for weeks on end. My body would create false symptoms to go along with the lies I was telling myself. It was the only thing I could think about for weeks on end. While isolating myself from opportunities for intimacy helped in the moment, I realized isolating myself from love long term wasn’t going to be helpful. What has helped me in the past when Im spiraling over which make believe std I have that day, I get tested to ease my anxiety, even when realistically I know I have been safe. Talk with any potential partners you have about their sexual health status. Go get tested together! Use protection. Remind yourself that even people with hiv live long lives. I have general health anxiety, but I believe the social stigma of shame and embarrassment made up surrounding stds is what makes these OCD thoughts feel so powerful sometimes. Remind yourself you are healthy and here right now, with nothing to be ashamed of.
@Emmy Jay Thank you for this, and I can relate- the anxiety can be crippling at times 💔
I know this post is old but how did you get tested? if you look at my post I have this fear after experiencing sexual things no vag intercourse with a man for the very first time last year and after months of fear I got a urine test and it came back negative but I feel its not enough and that I need to get tested with my blood. Eventually after the test I did ask the man ( I no longer talk to now) if he's clean and he kept reassuring me but deep down I don't know if I can believe him. we did oral but nothing got in my mouth because I personally think its gross, tried it analy and he didn't have a condom one time and I don't think he was all the way in but he didn't get anything in me.sorry if this is gross I just want someone to understand me. the very last time we seen eachother he had a condom but we didn't do anything really because of the pain so I stopped and that was the very last time. still to this day I'm scared of HIV. these fears started the day I first ever experienced oral sex and I got home and a TikTok popped up saying " God said to leave that man alone.hes going to kill you and give you HIV" my heart immediately started racing and yet we continued seeing eachother for a few months (we didn't see each other every day and at one point we didn't see each other for 2 or 3 months ) but this is the only man i touched and let touch me I just wanted to experience things at that time but I no longer want to do anything until marriage
You can follow rules AND do ERP to handle this. Before any new partner, you can get tested- it’s simple and easy and recommended. But make that the only action you do (rule) or else you’ll be feeding the ocd with compulsions. You need to do ERP and sit with the uncertainty and fear and it WILL lessen and leave you less anxious 1. Have rules about actions to take. Do them 2. Do ERP for remaining fears
So everything has been going well recently. The only thing pressing is for peace of mind I am getting STD tested on Wednesday morning and I am pretty anxious about what the result will say. I go to certain massage parlors that offer extras. And I have made a point to not engage in intercourse but other non-intercourse things I have done. I was afraid that since those women do other things with people that maybe virtual things were left on the beds I would lay down on or something. I told this to a doctor I saw recently and they said it was highly unlikely. But I still have the health worry. But we will see come Wednesday. The only reason I am going is because I went to the urologist and they wanted me to rule things out since I had what seemed like a UTI but it turned out to not be the case. What's a good way to not focus on catastrophizing the situation. I keep worrying that my life is over if I am diagnosed with something and my future relationships will be tainted or I'll put someones health in jeopardy
This fear keeps coming back and it’s to the point I cry and what to panic. I no longer talk to the man simply because I wanted to move on and find something meaningful to have with someone (relationship wise). I still keep fearing I need to go get my blood checked. Thoughts like “what if I have it and don’t know it and give to someone?” “What if that urine test I took months ago didn’t work” I got tested for stds but it came back negative. They took a urine test but google says you have to have your blood drawn!! I’m so scared. My mind tells me “you have HIV” and then a sense of peace comes and scares me even more!!!
In September I had unprotected oral sex. I haven’t had sex in five years because even before that I was so ashamed and worried about sex. I finally did it and then a few weeks later while I was at work I started to be very itchy all in my underwear area like up to my butt. I didnt see any blisters or anything but when I googled it, herpes came up. Eventually I thought maybe it was the new underwear I bought and it went away after I stopped wearing them. However it’s returned twice, mostly when I’m really worried about herpes. I know this makes little sense because I don’t thinking about it would cause an outbreak but, either way I’m really nervous to go get tested because I heard there’s a high false positive rate and if I get a positive there’s a huge chance I will just become a recluse and never speak to anyone again. I already have so much trauma with sex, vaginismus, etc. I can’t imagine telling anyone I have herpes and then they 1) don’t want to be with me 2) now know this and could tell anyone they want Even if I don’t have it I was reading it could be asymptomatic and 80% of people who have it don’t even know, so now I’m worried I will get it no matter what sex I have. I can barely handle staying alive with just OCD but now with social stigma with herpes I will feel like I can not even live a normal life. I am already freaking out about it and don’t know what to do. I am worried to go get tested and it saying I have it, and then I’m worried to not and potentially spread it, I’m not even having sex with anyone right now so it’s not like I would. But I’m worried I will forget to wash my hands and touch something and someone else will touch it and then get it. I’m just having a really bad time.
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