Someone in my family committed suicide a long time ago. She struggled with schizophrenia and depression, and died by intentional overdose of her depression medication. Because of this, I associate medication with suicide and really struggle with the idea of taking meds for my OCD. I know meds aren’t completely necessary for recovery, but I’m sure they would be helpful if I could get over this very strong association. I’m always so scared I’m going to end up like her. Any advice or does anyone else also struggle with suicide trauma?

Username: OneDayAtATimeOneDayAtATime

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

I would do the same thing and say I should just kill myself woth these pills, I even had a dream about it the other day and in my dream I took the pills and immediatly i started to try and throw them up bc i regretted it. This dream meant a lot too me bc it showed me tht death is the only permanent thing in life and if I do tht I can never take back tht decision

Username: Natalie W.Natalie W.

Date posted: 2y ago

I have this - there have been a few suicides in the past few months that have really really affected me. I’m always extremely scared that because I deal with mental health issues, that I’m going to do the same thing - it’s an association. Correlation doesn’t mean causation though, and I remind myself that on the flip side, there are tons of people dealing with mental health issues/OCD that are doing super well with support and therapy - in your case, there are lots of people who medication has helped! It’s easy to always focus on the worst case scenario - it’s taken about half me ignoring these thoughts and just throwing them away, and half changing my perspective around. You’re not alone!

Username: MCTMCT

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

I love your comment. It’s so true, especially with OCD I know we all compare ourselves to others who actually have done the things we fear. In addition to what you said, we don’t ever know the full story of someone’s life and can’t make assumptions as to why they would take their own life (or hurt others, etc.). And we don’t have to know!

Username: AnthonyAnthony

Date posted: 2y ago

Haven’t experienced this exactly but it seems like you know that this association isn’t true. I actually struggle with associating/implying intrusive thoughts to my religion. Obviously I don’t mean these thoughts but I still struggle with them. If you know that you don’t mean these thoughts, that is what matters. I hope you keep pushing through and you get stronger with every day!

Username: acnh.fanaticacnh.fanatic

Date posted: 2y ago

Thank you! It feels like one of those things I’ve seen friends go through where they aren’t in a great headspace but proceed to take some sort of recreational drug anyway, and then have a bad trip. I’m worried that if I were to start meds feeling apprehensive, my “bad trip” would be suicide. Ugh it sounds so ridiculous I hate it but just can’t quite shake it off yet.

Username: AnthonyAnthony

Date posted: 2y ago

@acnh.fanatic Yeah it is hard. I haven’t experienced that like I said but I’m sure it is difficult.

Username: MCTMCT

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

I’m so sorry for what you went through. My long-term partner went through a period of time where he felt suicidal, and on a couple occasions exclaimed, “I want to kill myself!” This still rings in my head and is a part of my intrusive thoughts. It was a very difficult and traumatic time for me, and while he didn’t try to kill himself and is doing much better now, it’s still a traumatic memory for me that strongly contributes to my suicidal ocd and intrusive thoughts.

Username: JuneW

Date posted: 5y ago

I have comorbid bipolar disorder and OCD. I can’t take SSRIs or SNRIs because they destabilize my bipolar disorder and act against the meds I’m taking for that. Does anyone have experience with non-serotonin-based medication for OCD that has worked for you?

Username: seekingvee

Date posted: 5y ago

How can I accept that I may need medication for the rest of my life? Some background: I have several family members with OCD, my paternal grandmother and one of my cousins on my dad's side. I had anxiety issues from really early on as a kid, particularly around health related stuff. I would clean little cuts frequently, small things like that. Other than that, I never felt majorly affected. That changed when I was 19, a few months after I gave birth to my son. I started having obsessions rooted in hypochondria, like that I might have some disease, or that myself and/or those I love would get some horrible illness and die. I was diagnosed and started taking Prozac at 21 years old. I'm now 27. Medication works incredibly well for me. I have no side effects, I function totally normal when medicated. But I've gone off medication like 5 or 6 times just to see if I'm finally okay, and without fail, I relapse (which is happening to me right now, and yes, I've restarted my meds.) My OCD thoughts don't want to accept this though, and I'm being thrown all kinds of thoughts like what if someday the world falls apart and I don't have access to medicine? Or what if I take it for years and years, just to someday find out that it gave me brain cancer or insertdiseasehere? Does anyone have any tips for accepting medication as a necessary part of my life?

Username: peach cobbler

Date posted: 5y ago

My therapist recently suggested beginning medication for my GAD/OCD. I am curious and open to the idea, but I think I’m more concerned about what will happen to me negatively. I have this thought that I have no ‘self’, and if I were to take medication, I feel that I’m going to change drastically. Can anyone speak to how medication has impacted them? I don’t know anyone who has used medication (that I know of) and this is the once place I feel comfortable asking for stories. Thank you.

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