- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Im a gay guy going through so-ocd and i can tell everyone now its not the same. Its this obsessional pushing that you feel like no matter what you do youre being pushed toward the gender that you arent attracted to. Your brain makes up all these acrobatic thoughts, shoving things on you that you never wanted. For example: "you like women better" which is sudden, startling and spikes your anxiety and you start ritualizing to neutralise it. Also, with being gay being uncomfortable with sexual thoughts (that are usually desireable and arousing) goes down over time the more you become used to them. HOCD and SOOCD does not go away, you continue to spin and question even if you give in and say "fine im [sexuality]!!" It doesnt relent and its just overly distressing and painful. Also, it often comes with physical rituals like chronic and compulsive masturbating to prove or disprove your oreintation. I know, with me, any time i "give in" and try to just accept that it may be true, my body never responds sexually to women. I cant physically be aroused at all. The rest is all the ocd mindgame. Ive been trying to cut back on all my compulsive rituals, and ive been trying to let the thoughts just be, but its hard. They have decreased in the 10 months ive had it but it is still there to some degree.
- Date posted
- 6y
And that decrease is purely from learning to not engage and to distance myself from compulsions, because the more you compulse the harder it gets to get out of it. It becomes more intrisive and winds through your brain like ivy. You need to learn to cut it at the root.
- Date posted
- 6y
AFord15 does this sound familiar: http://www.psychologyandbehavior.com/hocd-homosexual-ocd-sexual-orientation/
- Date posted
- 6y
Same here. I know everyone has a free opinion here but please: Don't trigger more doubts into us... is heartbreaking. You can have thoughts, but thoughts doesn't matter when you are suffering trauma from them. Anxiety is not attraction. First take of that, then you will know what to do. And anyway, this is all reassurance. Even if we all keep telling each other "You are" or "you are not", you all are going to stay the same because is compulsion. Someday this is not even going to help you. The only way to keep fighting this and try to get better is with your own treatment, ERP, CBD, maybe a therapist if you can or even medicaments for anxiety or panic attacks, and a lot of time. We should help each other, so we don't feel lonely or even when you need to explode and let go some thoughts. But just coming here to read a yes or a no is a fucking cycle to all of us.
- Date posted
- 6y
Agreed. Listen I’ve gone though every rumination and thought there is. I’m tired of doing the back and forth. For me it isn’t about being bi or pansexual or whatever it’s always black and white. No matter what reassurance I get it never stops. It’s a cycle, a circle of analyzing. I watch porn to get reassurance I get images during porn and I’m back at square one. You converse with the opposite sex you get images of the same sex. You watch the same sex on TV you get thoughts. It’s just weird. I don’t even want to keep saying what I am and am not. It’s gotten to the point where the thoughts don’t even cause me as much distress and I don’t do as much compulsing, it’s just Pure O.
- Date posted
- 6y
The larger umbrella over all of this is self esteem and self care which we can probably all identify areas in which we don’t or haven’t prioritized this as much in our lives. This is a result of that. I think the better we can grow accustomed to getting to know self better and loving self better the less things that are meant to shake us will break us.
- Date posted
- 6y
It’s really, really hard to figure it out. That’s why we have to accept uncertainty.
- Date posted
- 6y
@gfaux thanks for the education. So how do you know you are homosexual then without a shadow of a doubt? Is it because any and all things that pertain to romanticizing, sex, or fantasies involve men and men only? For example, could you get aroused just looking at a man like a heterosexual man looking at a pair of breasts?
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you @gfaux that's really interesting to know :) keep fighting ♡
- Date posted
- 6y
@shakespeare I’ve never had any reason to think that I’m gay, I haven’t ever had any gay experiences either. When I fantasize or I dream, I dream about women. I’ve never pictured myself having sex with one of my males friends. The first time a male sexual image has come into my head has been within the last month. Although being around very feminine gay men make me a little nervous or uncomfortable. I’ve never watched gay porn, I’ve never gotten erect seeing a male. I have watched lesbian porn to take the male out of it and I have gotten erect. But my mind still tries to say it’s just because it’s sex it’s not because of the male. I’ve always wanted to marry and have a family with a woman. My fear is that this is turning me out and I’m becoming gay. Or eventually I will have the desire to be later in life. I guess my question is: is it possible to live 26 years of life and be in denial and never know you’re in denial without feeling evidently attracted to the same sex? Is it possible to be attracted sexually or whatever without getting erect to someone?
- Date posted
- 6y
Breakthrough my friend ! I learned a lot reading that article and it was very detailed and to the point. Hang tough we’re all in this together.
- Date posted
- 6y
Exactly. We are just in a stay of doubt and obssesion that is continuous. Answers doesn't help us at all. In the end we have to fight this on our own. The theme of your obsession, it doesn't matter that much. We all have the same and that's why ocd can be treated the same for everyone. Those ones with Pocd are not pedophiles. Those with Harm ocd are not dangerous. Those with Suicide ocd are not crazy. The ones with Contamination ocd. Religious ocd. And all of the variations of Sexual orientation ocd: Our brain works different now, maybe it could be just for a period of time, maybe for a long time, but doesn't compare yourself with other cases of people who doesn't obsses because they don't doubt every minute, they don't have impulses and the don't suffer or feel blocked the same as us.
- Date posted
- 6y
That's true. But is hard when you reach a point when you feel like you don't know yourself anymore because of this.. but who cares? If we were once like we were and we were happy, we can redirect our brain in the same way with good and healthy behaviors :)
- Date posted
- 6y
When we find revelations and breakthrough please continue to share them with one another. We are all looking for solutions in our lives and the last thing I want is for any of you to look in the mirror and feel like you don’t recognize yourself. Life is hard.
- Date posted
- 6y
Is normal to have relapses too, so remember to don't push others. And is normal to feel lost and reach for help. Is normal to desesperate or staying the same for a long time. Everyone fight their illness with their own hands.
- Date posted
- 6y
Ive never actually been interested in breasts. Ever. Everything about my sexual experience was about men right from the start.
- Date posted
- 6y
I usually get aroused over certain...aspects of men. Like broad shoulders, the way his back will slope, the certain way his chest looks. Theres a lot of things that factor into it!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
I’m 25 and never ever thought this before my soocd relapse. I have a bf of 5 years. Never been a high libido kinda girl. Don’t get me wrong I do get turned on by my bf but not like every day you know? - That had always been in the back of my head, is this normal and ok? But my ocd has latched onto the most scariest what if EVER. My brain is now saying How do you know you won’t prefer to sleep and kiss girls if you haven’t tried it: and it’s that unknown that is scaring the shit out of me. I DONT AND NEVER HAVE wanted to sleep / kiss a girl. But now my intrusive thoughts is all I think about!!! I don’t want I don’t want I don’t want??? So why does my brain think BUT WHAT IF??? I know ocd thrives off uncertainty which is why I think this is happening? But I don’t wanna find out or work it out because all I want is to be with my bf and marry him!! Is this just the epitome of OCD?
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- "Pure" OCD
- OCD newbies
- Students with OCD
- Relationship OCD
- Sexual Orientation OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- Date posted
- 14w
I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?
- Date posted
- 13w
For me it was a weird intrusive thought and after that I slowly started developing anxiety and I felt a weird thing like I was losing my attraction to girls. Then I woke up one day in complete panic cuz it felt like I had lost feelings for girls suddenly and I started searching online how to know if you’re gay if sexuality changes suddenly and I took some gay tests or sexuality tests online. Chat gpt was a big thing back then too. That was before therapy and before I knew what ocd is.Can anyone relate?
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond