This might sound weird, but how does one know that they aren’t gay or attracted to the same sex? It’s just weird to me that I actually have to think through it this way and check things off. Can one wake up one day and be attracted to the same sex? I don’t even know how to brainstorm this.

Im a gay guy going through so-ocd and i can tell everyone now its not the same. Its this obsessional pushing that you feel like no matter what you do youre being pushed toward the gender that you arent attracted to. Your brain makes up all these acrobatic thoughts, shoving things on you that you never wanted. For example: "you like women better" which is sudden, startling and spikes your anxiety and you start ritualizing to neutralise it. Also, with being gay being uncomfortable with sexual thoughts (that are usually desireable and arousing) goes down over time the more you become used to them. HOCD and SOOCD does not go away, you continue to spin and question even if you give in and say "fine im [sexuality]!!" It doesnt relent and its just overly distressing and painful. Also, it often comes with physical rituals like chronic and compulsive masturbating to prove or disprove your oreintation. I know, with me, any time i "give in" and try to just accept that it may be true, my body never responds sexually to women. I cant physically be aroused at all. The rest is all the ocd mindgame. Ive been trying to cut back on all my compulsive rituals, and ive been trying to let the thoughts just be, but its hard. They have decreased in the 10 months ive had it but it is still there to some degree.

And that decrease is purely from learning to not engage and to distance myself from compulsions, because the more you compulse the harder it gets to get out of it. It becomes more intrisive and winds through your brain like ivy. You need to learn to cut it at the root.

AFord15 does this sound familiar: http://www.psychologyandbehavior.com/hocd-homosexual-ocd-sexual-orientation/

Same here. I know everyone has a free opinion here but please: Don't trigger more doubts into us... is heartbreaking. You can have thoughts, but thoughts doesn't matter when you are suffering trauma from them. Anxiety is not attraction. First take of that, then you will know what to do. And anyway, this is all reassurance. Even if we all keep telling each other "You are" or "you are not", you all are going to stay the same because is compulsion. Someday this is not even going to help you. The only way to keep fighting this and try to get better is with your own treatment, ERP, CBD, maybe a therapist if you can or even medicaments for anxiety or panic attacks, and a lot of time. We should help each other, so we don't feel lonely or even when you need to explode and let go some thoughts. But just coming here to read a yes or a no is a fucking cycle to all of us.

Agreed. Listen I’ve gone though every rumination and thought there is. I’m tired of doing the back and forth. For me it isn’t about being bi or pansexual or whatever it’s always black and white. No matter what reassurance I get it never stops. It’s a cycle, a circle of analyzing. I watch porn to get reassurance I get images during porn and I’m back at square one. You converse with the opposite sex you get images of the same sex. You watch the same sex on TV you get thoughts. It’s just weird. I don’t even want to keep saying what I am and am not. It’s gotten to the point where the thoughts don’t even cause me as much distress and I don’t do as much compulsing, it’s just Pure O.

The larger umbrella over all of this is self esteem and self care which we can probably all identify areas in which we don’t or haven’t prioritized this as much in our lives. This is a result of that. I think the better we can grow accustomed to getting to know self better and loving self better the less things that are meant to shake us will break us.

It’s really, really hard to figure it out. That’s why we have to accept uncertainty.

@gfaux thanks for the education. So how do you know you are homosexual then without a shadow of a doubt? Is it because any and all things that pertain to romanticizing, sex, or fantasies involve men and men only? For example, could you get aroused just looking at a man like a heterosexual man looking at a pair of breasts?

Thank you @gfaux that's really interesting to know :) keep fighting ♡

@shakespeare I’ve never had any reason to think that I’m gay, I haven’t ever had any gay experiences either. When I fantasize or I dream, I dream about women. I’ve never pictured myself having sex with one of my males friends. The first time a male sexual image has come into my head has been within the last month. Although being around very feminine gay men make me a little nervous or uncomfortable. I’ve never watched gay porn, I’ve never gotten erect seeing a male. I have watched lesbian porn to take the male out of it and I have gotten erect. But my mind still tries to say it’s just because it’s sex it’s not because of the male. I’ve always wanted to marry and have a family with a woman. My fear is that this is turning me out and I’m becoming gay. Or eventually I will have the desire to be later in life. I guess my question is: is it possible to live 26 years of life and be in denial and never know you’re in denial without feeling evidently attracted to the same sex? Is it possible to be attracted sexually or whatever without getting erect to someone?

Breakthrough my friend ! I learned a lot reading that article and it was very detailed and to the point. Hang tough we’re all in this together.

Exactly. We are just in a stay of doubt and obssesion that is continuous. Answers doesn't help us at all. In the end we have to fight this on our own. The theme of your obsession, it doesn't matter that much. We all have the same and that's why ocd can be treated the same for everyone. Those ones with Pocd are not pedophiles. Those with Harm ocd are not dangerous. Those with Suicide ocd are not crazy. The ones with Contamination ocd. Religious ocd. And all of the variations of Sexual orientation ocd: Our brain works different now, maybe it could be just for a period of time, maybe for a long time, but doesn't compare yourself with other cases of people who doesn't obsses because they don't doubt every minute, they don't have impulses and the don't suffer or feel blocked the same as us.

That's true. But is hard when you reach a point when you feel like you don't know yourself anymore because of this.. but who cares? If we were once like we were and we were happy, we can redirect our brain in the same way with good and healthy behaviors :)

When we find revelations and breakthrough please continue to share them with one another. We are all looking for solutions in our lives and the last thing I want is for any of you to look in the mirror and feel like you don’t recognize yourself. Life is hard.

Is normal to have relapses too, so remember to don't push others. And is normal to feel lost and reach for help. Is normal to desesperate or staying the same for a long time. Everyone fight their illness with their own hands.

Ive never actually been interested in breasts. Ever. Everything about my sexual experience was about men right from the start.

I usually get aroused over certain...aspects of men. Like broad shoulders, the way his back will slope, the certain way his chest looks. Theres a lot of things that factor into it!