- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Im exactly in the same place as you. When my boyfriend was here and we had sex, i couldnt get out of my head. I kept analyzing whether or not i actually enjoyed it, and it took me 100% out of the experience which my ocd really took hold of. For months i was genuinely in the worst place id ever been in. I feel like youre exactly where i was back when this started, just the reverse. Im not sure if ive made progress or its just started to bother me less, but youre not alone man.
- Date posted
- 6y
Hocd/so-ocd is scary!! Its intrusive and mean. It latches onto whats important to you and for a lot of people (myself included) its their sexuality. I dont want to reassure you because thats not how you beat this, but i can tell you that you arent your brain, and right now your brain has you convinced because youre so wrapped up in this obsession you have no choice but to beleive its true. If you can, look into mindfulness and acceptance and commitment therapy to help you through this. You need to accept that the thoughts are there and not interact with them. Notice them, but don't engage. I know its hard, and i know it seems fucking terrifying but the less i engage with them the less power they have. If you keep pushing and pushing and spinning and saying "IM NOT GAY IM NOT GAY IM NOT GAY" Youre feeding it. Youre giving it power. Whenever my so-ocd acts up and says "youre not a gay man, youre straight" i go "thanks ocd" and move forward. Some days this works great and im in a fantastic mood. Some days it doesnt and i have an awful day. It takes time and you literally need to retrain your brain from this habit youve formed. Ive been where you are and i know how hard it is.
- Date posted
- 6y
i’ve been going through the exact same thing on and off for months and some days it kills me, other days i’m like wtf that’s so stupid. i know it’s so hard to not engage and when it’s bad, it seems like nothing can fix it, but just know you’re not alone and it’s your ocd talking! u can do it
- Date posted
- 6y
I just can’t take this anymore. It’s too much. I swear I’m not homophobic in the slightest I’m just not comfortable with being gay. Though my mind is saying that I am and it can be so convincing. I don’t even know what’s real anymore.
- Date posted
- 6y
I just don’t get how this obsession can be so overwhelming. I had scrupulosity and Rocd and I swear it wasn’t as intense as this.
- Date posted
- 6y
Have you tried not engaging with the thoughts? Just think that you brain is puking out trash because of your disorder. See your mind as a theater, and you're a spectator
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
I keep having this weird feeling none stop that it’s most likely not HOCD and most my feelings. Like I’ve suffered none stop distress and unwanted thoughts the past few days. But those thoughts after a bit just feel weird not the kind of discomfort but are just their and stale. When I look at a guy I don’t feel anything but my thoughts sometimes compliment his looks or personality which makes me doubt my sexuality. I’ve never felt this weirded out. Because I’ve always been straight and still believe I am but I’ve never even had an emotional connection to someone of the opposite gender in fact. My view of the female body has been ruined with none stop pornography addictions. I don’t believe I’m gay but I feel like it may just be denial instead of HOCD but all my symptoms are literally HOCD. I don’t hate the idea of gay people but I can’t imagine or see my heart going off to like someone of the same sex. I haven’t really had any meaningful real life friends besides online but that also ended a few months ago. My only friend ever online that was my friend for the longest of time was a queer but I never really cared about what he liked. Like yes at some point I did try to challenge him with his own feelings but that didn’t last long I just accepted what he liked and moved on. I’ve never even touched let alone held a long conversation with a female. I’ve always been timid and shy around them but I can just say that towards male as well. The gay feelings feel so real. The thoughts feel a bit natural to me but I don’t want this. But I hate how I can’t just move on and be myself and love women when those thoughts demand attention and an answer. It won’t quit it. If I try to do a compulsion it calms down but it quickly becomes a problem again. I’m lonely I don’t have any friends or past relationships I can even think of helping me with the emotions. I still believe I’m straight and I just can’t see myself with a guy. It just doesn’t feel right for me despite my lack of experiences. I just wanna go back to how I was happy and loving girls and not having to question if it was a real feeling or just my natural timid nature. Everytime I think these distressing thoughts I always just wanna sit down and close my eyes and sleep. Because that’s where I can have peace of self. It sucks but I’m so exhausted of having to deal with emotional distress and I can’t even focus on my job as much. I want to meet new people discover my love for women again but I’m scared in the process I may discover I may be gay. Because deep down I know I wouldn’t ever be happy with myself if my greatest fears where confirmed. My dream of always being a father with a loving women and kids would be torn away by something I never asked for. Yes I’m religious, yes I come from a place that homosexuals are usually seen in a bad light. I just hate feeling this emotion that I may not be what I thought and having my dreams torn apart maybe true. I’ve read MUTIPLE articles about HOCD and seen MUTIPLE videos. I’ve come to the realization that I most likely have it. But it’s still hard when the feelings of maybe being gay maybe true you know? I hope I get better I hope I don’t suffer. I just wanna be happy with myself and loving females and I don’t wanna hate myself for feeling an emotion that never occurred to me more then a few times.
- Date posted
- 20w
I’ve completely lost myself. I can’t focus on my studies, I can’t go to the gym. Dang it I can’t even be around my male friends normally anymore. I got no idea why or how this happened but the only thing I know for sure is that I never questioned my sexuality neither doubted it. I never cared in general. I just liked girls. I keep testing and keep testing and keep testing my arousal but no matter how many times I see but I don’t feel the same way for guys that I do with girls my mind will always try to make me believe that I am gay. It’s like it’s forcing me into an identity I never asked for. But at the end of the day like my psychologist told me. Sexuality doesn’t change. So since I never felt anything for guys in my life it’s ocd. I’ve been up and down for 5 months now and while the last week I was feeling way better. Monday now and I’m back to zero. I just want to go back when everything was normal. I can’t keep living with this.
- Date posted
- 20w
Like I can’t think straight. This is making me doubt everything I’ve thought about myself and even makes me feel like I like the thoughts when I know I don’t. Like I would be less anxious at a time while I still have the thoughts and my mind would go “oh so you like it you must be gay” or the other one where I’m not anxious and I think of my attraction for girls that I’ve had my whole life and my mind goes “see now you’re not into them you’re gay” like it’s so stupid but so effective. I clearly remember being into girls my whole life but my mind is making me believe that all these attractions and feelings for women were all fake or “a thing of the past”. But I can still get aroused by women but I have this weird anxiety going on which brings these sensations/feelings and it’s so weird. Today I’ve spent my whole day thinking about it like I’ve been doing for 5 months now. I know that this aint normal but my mind just won’t let me live in peace. I never cared about my sexuality cuz I simply liked women my whole life but now my sexuality is a fundamental philosophy. I hate this.
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