- Date posted
- 6y ago
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Im exactly in the same place as you. When my boyfriend was here and we had sex, i couldnt get out of my head. I kept analyzing whether or not i actually enjoyed it, and it took me 100% out of the experience which my ocd really took hold of. For months i was genuinely in the worst place id ever been in. I feel like youre exactly where i was back when this started, just the reverse. Im not sure if ive made progress or its just started to bother me less, but youre not alone man.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Seriously, you need to go see a therapist. This has gone way too much, you seriously need help if these thoughts are as distressing as they sound. You know who you are and I know how upsetting these thoughts can be. Seriously get a therapist or enlist on some courses online, but it tears me apart seeing someone that is suffering with hocd as much as you are
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Hocd/so-ocd is scary!! Its intrusive and mean. It latches onto whats important to you and for a lot of people (myself included) its their sexuality. I dont want to reassure you because thats not how you beat this, but i can tell you that you arent your brain, and right now your brain has you convinced because youre so wrapped up in this obsession you have no choice but to beleive its true. If you can, look into mindfulness and acceptance and commitment therapy to help you through this. You need to accept that the thoughts are there and not interact with them. Notice them, but don't engage. I know its hard, and i know it seems fucking terrifying but the less i engage with them the less power they have. If you keep pushing and pushing and spinning and saying "IM NOT GAY IM NOT GAY IM NOT GAY" Youre feeding it. Youre giving it power. Whenever my so-ocd acts up and says "youre not a gay man, youre straight" i go "thanks ocd" and move forward. Some days this works great and im in a fantastic mood. Some days it doesnt and i have an awful day. It takes time and you literally need to retrain your brain from this habit youve formed. Ive been where you are and i know how hard it is.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
i’ve been going through the exact same thing on and off for months and some days it kills me, other days i’m like wtf that’s so stupid. i know it’s so hard to not engage and when it’s bad, it seems like nothing can fix it, but just know you’re not alone and it’s your ocd talking! u can do it
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I just can’t take this anymore. It’s too much. I swear I’m not homophobic in the slightest I’m just not comfortable with being gay. Though my mind is saying that I am and it can be so convincing. I don’t even know what’s real anymore.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I just don’t get how this obsession can be so overwhelming. I had scrupulosity and Rocd and I swear it wasn’t as intense as this.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I completely understand. But you seriously need to have help. The online mood Smith course about hocd is very good. Please try it. You are really suffering and it shows
- Date posted
- 6y ago
This is exactly what I am going through. My thoughts are a little better now, but I was just yesterday in the same place as you are right now. I sure it does get better
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Have you tried not engaging with the thoughts? Just think that you brain is puking out trash because of your disorder. See your mind as a theater, and you're a spectator
Related posts
- Date posted
- 17w ago
It feels like I’m lying to myself constantly and everyone. There feels like there is a weight on my heart from the moment I wake up till I go to sleep. I don’t want to be gay. Idk why it doesn’t register. Now everyone I see I have to see if I’m attracted to them. I see good looking men and I feel like I’m lying to myself that they are good looking, I see women and I see if im attracted to them. I look at everyone and I feel jealous. I want my fucking life back. But now my OCD (if this is even OCD) is telling me I was never happy and I was always suppressing my feelings of being gay. Why is this happening? Can OCD do this? I can’t enjoy anything ever.
- Date posted
- 14w ago
Idk what else to title this. I was watching a film cooper video cuz why not and he mentioned smthn about wall paper customization and icons and stuff and I just kinda had a groinal response followed by the memory of me having my first crush on a woman (my friend at the time) that helped me figure out that I’m bi and I felt kinda intensely for her but that’s cuz a) it was new and b) we were kinda on again off again friends who haven’t spoken in a few years now and I’m over her entirely. It was toxic I think. She was too much like the person who bullied me in elementary school (they were friends as well so my mom made me cut her off which is. Fair. Made me really sad but eh that’s life) I saw her at prom cuz someone brought her. It was nice to see her but yeah that was it. And now I’m mentally comparing what I felt for women in the past (idk intense crush, listening to a lot of gay songs (think she by dodie) dressing semi masc cuz funky, we had nicknames for each other despite not dating or anything) to men (less intense crush but still big crush, I’ve only dated and kissed men so sparks rhere) and now I’m just slightly nauseous and worried that I don’t like men as much as I like women but I think that’s normal for any bi person? To have different levels of attraction to different genders? Idk I feel gross and icky now like I shouldn’t even be thinking about it or her cuz I have a bf. And I do look fondly upon it, now I’m nervous cuz I got more excited about her calling me a specific nickname than I do from my bf calling me honey even at the beginning? Honey felt more traditional and I love it but we do switch around nicknames and it’s always nice, not many butterflies anymore, and sometimes I get anxious when he does lately, if it’s a nickname in Portuguese. Or if he called me a shortened version of my name. What does that mean? I’m nervous now. I was doing half decently today now I’m nauseous again. I’m worried that cuz I liked the nicknames she and I had that means I don’t like the ones my bf and I have and that I just don’t like him or men cuz I’ve been feeling off around him. But I love when he calls me honey, it still feels good when he does it now but no butterflies. Idk what’s wrong with me. Is it even ocd at this point. Even if I do like women slightly more it doesn’t erase that I love my bf. I’m worried I’m leaning too much towards women tho and I’m a lesbian. Idk if my bi cycle is cycling or if I’m just a lesbian entirely cuz I don’t feel much when my bf takes off his shirt, sex feels different, and things feel stale and slow. But maybe that’s cuz I’m checking and comparing. Now I’m anxious fuck. I’m trying not to think about her idk why. I’m worried I still find her attractive or am attracted to her or smthn. She’s in my city. I didn’t care before but now I do. Or if I think about her I’ll think about other women and will only want to have sec with women which not really tbh. I wanna be able to enjoy sec with my bf. It just hasn’t felt right lately cuz I’ve been so depressed and obsessive. I wasn’t obsessing much last night when we had sex but it still didn’t feel passionate. It didn’t feel uncomfortable but I thought it’d be more? Idk. I know it’s normal to not feel him inside me cuz the vagina isn’t very nerved up compared to the clitoris but it felt like more the motions. But tbh. I needed it. Idk I wanted to have sex and it was a nice stress relief. I just didn’t feel butterflies which kinda bummed me out but we’ve been having sex since august so that’s normal. Idk. I haven’t been able to fantasize about sex. The fact that I’m bi makes all of this so confusing. Cuz yes hypothetically I can enjoy the thought of sex with a woman. But I don’t want to rn cuz I’m dating a man. And I can’t fantasize about sex with him cuz I’m getting intrusive thoughts about my friends and I having sex. I have this urge to watch porn cuz it’s been a while but I’m not going to. I’ve cut down a lot on masturbation. Partially cuz this partially cuz I wanna do things with my bf (when I’m mentally ok) but jow my brain is saying “Oo you think all these women are so hot you’re gonna go feral blah blah blah” and yes women are hot but I don’t wanna have sex with a woman. Idk saying women are hot doesn’t bring me anxiety but the thought of sex with one or leaving my bf and saying I’m a lesbian bother me. Cuz I know it’s not true. I love him I know that. I’d be happy if we stayed together. I wouldn’t regret a thing honestly. I like having sex with him. Idc if it’s not like porn or the movies. As long as I’m being pleasured and he’s being pleasured we’re good. That’s what sex is about. I think the loss of butterflies is normal cuz the excitement of like (sorry tmi) fingering and oral eventually wears off right? But still feels good. I don’t feel as excited about intimacy anymore cuz we have done it so often but it still feels nice. But my brain perceives that as me not liking sex with men and therefore I’m gay. No I just don’t feel the need to jump his bones every single time I see him?? Idk the friend thing is bothering me. Idk if I feel any joy behind it. The groinal response really really throws my perception off
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- Date posted
- 9w ago
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
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