Is retroactive jealousy a part of ROCD? Either way I’ve been dwelling on 1 particular person from my partners past tho they are not at all in his present and I think I took it to the breaking point. My partner feels like nothing they do resolves that retroactive jealousy and I don’t blame him because sometimes I feel like I’m just such a deeply bitter and insecure person that I’m just not capable of forgiving and forgetting. This might be the end ? I pushed a caring person to the breaking point

Yes. Retroactive jealousy should be placed in the category of ROCD, because that’s exactly what it is. It’s a relationship problem within yourself. I suffer from this. But I technically know how to handle it now, it’s being able to accept and have compassion for your partners past and your past; it’s having the confidence to realise that bonds were made with your partners family and his/her ex partner. Ex partners are different from you, each person is unique and different. When entering a new relationship people suffer from jealousy about ex partners, if the particular ex in question was, funny, good looking, caring, etc... on and on. Families mention your partners ex and your partner will bring up the ex. It’s life. ROCD makes it difficult for you to live with the uncertainty of not knowing what was before you met your partner now, it’s truly difficult and extremely debilitating; trust me, I know. I go through spikes regarding this every so often, but I can control it even though sometimes it makes me uncomfortable. I can appreciate that it is not nice knowing your partner has had good times with someone else, but it is part of life. You go through partners in life until you come across someone you settle with, and you may settle with a few people until the flame burns out. But it’s important to keep the flame lit and work on the relationship. Here’s an example of something I suffer from: My partner was with her ex for four years before she met me, so they’ll have a had a fair few good moments together... But, it’s not the moments that bother me—my OCD demands I should know what kind of personality he had, was he full of humour, etc... it’s horrible if I allow it to prod me and seek reassurance from my girlfriend about it. But it doesn’t seem to be how my girlfriend perceives the humour, my OCD makes me want to ask the people around her if her ex was funny and what exactly was he like. It’s a treaturous torment to endure. I meditate to help me, and it works.

Maybe the best thing to do is to show him your post, explain to him that it's intrusive thoughts that you don't want, and that you're seeking help.

I have Retrospective Jealousy OCD. It started around 30 years ago when I met my now wife. I struggled with the thoughts about her past not knowing what was happening and when they first came on the pain was unbearable and I tried to kill myself. I then had years of going to therapists that were useless as they failed to realise it was OCD. Four years ago I finally was diagnosed and with the help of a great psychotherapist I have been doing ERP and at last things have improved. Before that I was totally at its mercy and I would get so angry and upset with my wife it was awful. Luckily we are still together. I would like to connect with others with this type of OCD to hopefully provide some support and understanding whether you have not yet been diagnosed or you are or are due to begin ERP . ERP was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. If years ago I had known other people with this OCD who knew what the diagnosis is and how to treat it it would have saved years of pain and suffering.

Exposure Response Therapy is the gold standard to get this under control. You need to find a therapist who you trust and who makes you believe in the treatment. You are basically exposed to all the content of your disturbing thoughts and gradually you are able to reduce the anxiety associated with those thoughts. It is very much tailored to the thoughts you have. In my case I found articles on the internet that would be big triggers for me. It is not a quick process but slowly you become less anxious about all the thoughts/triggers. You are then in a better position to treat the thoughts as simply thoughts that come and go in your mind without engaging with them. It is the most difficult thing I have had to do in my life but it is the only thing that has helped. The key is to accept that you can’t stop the thoughts popping up in your mind but you know how to deal with them without engaging/ ruminating. It is something you need to work at. It is not 100% perfect but it has massively reduced the OCD flare ups I had before. I posted to help people to know what the right treatment is and to provide support as you definitely need support through the ERP. I am supporting someone I met in a different forum and I am keen to help anyone with this type of OCD. I had to wait 25 years before I found someone who could help me and I don’t want anyone else to suffer so long.

I experience this too. I just thought it was the result of insecurities and jealousy, which seemes only a partial explanation because I didn't always feel this way, and the feelings weren't always so persistent. Idk if it's a part of ROCD, but it seems obsessive for me.

Same here, but i've carried that part of my ocd in the shadows...my boyfriend doesn't know i have retroactive jealous. I understand how you feel! ??

Right. Even when it’s not relevant, I’ll just obsess over it and dig those thoughts deeper into my brain. But it’s hurting my partner and I can’t stop. he needs to know if we can let the past be the past and even tho he is right, I don’t feel strong enough or secure enough to promise that ??? But if I can’t promise that I’ll lose him forever

That’s true. I haven’t told him about ROCD in particular. Just general things about struggling with my mental health and depression