strong urge to confess

I deal pretty heavily with this. The last couple days, I’ve had what I think are urges. Something pops into my head intrusively and then what stems from that is me WANTING to just indulge in it even though it’s gross. I get worried bc I used to struggle w thoughts about my dad for a long time until eventually I just purposely thought of him while self pleasuring and got off to it. While that’s something I did, it is NOT me. It all stemmed from my mental health declining a couple years back, I was never this way before. So I get worried that it almost happened or might happen with my pocd cuz I could never live with myself if it did.

Today has been really hard I feel like I can’t even breathe I feel like a pedo for real :( whenever i think during my alone time i try and coexist with it? but when i decided to think and think i panic and panic more and more i start feel more guilty guys I can’t take this anymore bc when I kinda feel certain it fades aways i think logically i know i probably am ok :( but it’s so scary for me what if i did actually act on the thought and I didn’t realize? And now reflecting it ???

Hi, the last few days I have again really struggled with my pocd however it has only been focussed on one child. I am afraid I might think something so bad that if the parents would know they would hate me forever and I won’t be allowed to come there anymore. I constantly feel the need to check if I can think of these horrible things and the find out I can, my thoughts get more disturbing everytime because I constantly fear I will think of something more disturbing. I really feel the need to confess because I just can’t believe the parent would ever want to see me again if they knew and therefore I am obligated to tell them. I feel I can never become a good person if I don’t confess this to them. I am also really trying to not confess within this post as I know it will only make things worse. Is there anyone that can relate to this and is it really possible to heal without confessing this? And also are there any tips of how I can get myself to sleep I am so sleep deprived I cannot even go to school anymore. I am in the process of seeking professional help however this process goes awfully slow and I really do not know what to do hence this post. So to summarise is it really possible to heal from pocd without confessing to the people I am hurting with the absolutely disturbing thoughts that I have, there not just thoughts a pedophile would have they are way worse.