I'm worked on my most difficult exposure today in therapy. I want to run, I want to hide, I'm at such an elevated stress that I want to disappear. It's all existential. I'm trying to make sense of this and I am so lost.
I know exposures can be a lot to take in at first, especially when they are intense. But, with each exposure, you become closer to recover from your OCD. Basically, you are retraining your brain to not fear to those thoughts and sensations you are having, and by not engaging in compulsions, you learn to live with the distress, which will become less disturbing as it is now. Remember to reward yourself, and practice some self-compassion during this time. Keep going!
Sounds hard, but you doing it. Good work. Seriously.
It sounds like your OCD and it sounds like it was too high too soon. But OCD Lies and it wants you to obsess and believe your obsessions. Not all is lost, you can still recover and I encourage you to continue.
I’ll do my best, maybe start smaller next time
Is there anything we can do to help? I personally think it’s ok to share your thoughts as long as you aren’t asking for reassurance about it. We can help you do exposure by sitting with not knowing.
I’m not sure, I actually think it was too high on my heirarchy and might not have been helpful. It mainly feels like I crossed a threshold I can’t recover from, like I really can never get over it now. But I think that’s normal.
@cj4ebay That’s not true, that’s not how it works. It’s never too late or too far to recover. If you do something you aren’t ready for, it just means you have a higher chance of doing compulsions, not that you’ll never recover. I know it may feel that way right now though. Are you on meds?
@Maybe,MaybeNot No meds, most of the time it’s manageable but sometimes it’s really bad like now. Sometimes I take an anti anxiety to kind of get ahead of it. I guess I mean the existential topic feels like I opened a door I wish I could forget
@Maybe,MaybeNot Like I did the exposure and now I believe the thoughts more than ever
@cj4ebay I think that medicine could definitely benefit you. It’s been a huge part of my recovery and I really don’t know that I could’ve gotten this far without it. The problem with meds like Ativan or Xanax or benzo‘s is that they can be similar to a compulsion, They kind of put a temporary Band-Aid on the anxiety and helps us push it away. But then it’s just sitting around waiting for you. With SSRIs it helps you balance out your neurochemicals in a more broad sense but doesn’t necessarily push the anxiety away. I must also add that just because something feels real doesn’t mean that it is real. Feelings are not facts. I know our OCD is very convincing and makes us think that just because it feels real Is real but that’s not the case. And in reality, we all have existential questions that we don’t know the answer to. None of us will ever know for sure, maybe when we die but that’s it. Don’t try to figure it out. Look up the eight principles of recovery On Spotify the OCD stories
@Maybe,MaybeNot Thank you, I will check that out. SSRI’s give me bad physical and mental reactions which is why I’ve stayed away from them. Hallucinations and suicidal ideation. I know benzos aren’t great for OCD but sometimes I need to get that feeling out of my stomach so I can get up and out of bed even. I do realize that the feelings aren’t real but sometimes that’s so hard to do. I’ve got a lot of work to do as this is maybe the worst episode in over a year. I appreciate your kind words. Maybe I just won’t take the benzos, I usually don’t need any at all, or just a small amount to take the edge off so I can think more clearly. I’m mixing this all with PTSD so it’s very difficult so separate thought from feeling. Thank you again, I do appreciate you taking the time to respond to me like this.
@cj4ebay Sometimes psychiatrists will prescribe antipsychotics if SSRIs don’t work for you. It may be worth asking about.
@Maybe,MaybeNot I have an appointment this week to discuss it, that might be an option too. Good news is I forced myself to do an exposure this morning and it wasn’t as horrible as yesterday.
@cj4ebay Amazing!!!! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 keep us updated on how you’re doing!
Over the weekend I had so many flareups and Rushes of anxiety and panic attacks. This ERP therapy is so hard but I know it’s the right course of action just feeling stuck and a little defeated. Any advice for anybody else feeling this way or going through ERP therapy?Trying to remember this is part of the process but gosh it is so difficult.
Hi! I was given exposure HW that I chose to do by my therapist but lately I’ve been feeling overwhelmed by it and thinking that maybe I need to start with an easier exposure. However I can only see my therapist every other week due to her schedule and I’m really having a hard time feeling like I’m not following the “rules” of therapy. I feel like she’s not going to help me if I don’t do the exposures and that I’m gonna be all alone again and have no where to turn. So, part of me was gonna just force myself to do the exposure to avoid feeling bad. I don’t want to let OCD run the show also by not doing the exposure…but also feeling like doing the exposure is not quite right either. Please if anyone can relate I could really use some help.
I find while doing exposures, rarely does my anxiety lessen. It usually amps up and stays that way for the remainder of the day. I could be having a fairly decent day, but dutifully do my exposures and then the rest of my day is anxiety filled. I guess that’s just how it is now? Also, I’m wondering if my therapist even believes I have OCD. I totally understand my therapist cannot provide reassurance. But it’s to the point it seems my therapist acts like I actually did the thing I fear. I feel so isolated.
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond
