has anyone else with Tocd lost interest in the things they used to enjoy/and do. I used to read all the time and naturally gravitate towards heterosexual romance books but I havent been able to pick one up since these thoughts have started, and I have tons I still want to read and desperately want to pick up but im scared of how I’ll feel or if I won’t enjoy it like I used to
Same. I don't like my hobbies anymore
it sucks I loved reading books so much! It was a great way to entertain myself and get off my phone but now I’m just scared to pick one up again but there are so many stories I want to read but am unable to now hopefully this goes away and I’m able to read again. I hope you’re able to pick up your old hobbies again too!! I’m sorry you’re going through the same thing this has been so hard and just despressing I feel like I can’t live my life anymore the one I enjoyed too
I hope so for you as well.. Mine were also drawing, reading and writing hetero stories, but I don't have desire to do anything anymore...
me too, how long has this been going on for you and have you found anything else to try and occupy your time? I was thinking of branching out book genres but idk I just have no desire to and then I’ve just been working on school I guess to occupy myself or try to
Not really, just lying on couch and scrolling google, sometimes excercising. Sometimes I return to one of my old stories or draw/write something and feel like myself for a little and then the thoughts haunt me again. I've had it for 7 months now, but these last 2 months are the worst. You?
I’m usually on social media a lot of the time too because I just have no idea what else to do because nothing interests me or I have no motivation to do something I used to be able to stay off of it easy and not bother about it much but now I’m just always on it and then I can’t go to the gym either because I have no appetite and haven’t been eating much so I’m scared I’ll pass out if I do go, recently I have been feeling more like myself but then I get thoughts that like that’s not who I am and that I’m lying to myself or something which is making me anxious, but I’ve had moments where I look in the mirror and I can see myself again and I can know myself visually versus when it was super bad I just couldn’t seem to recognize myself in the mirror idk if you get that too it’s just so confusing because I can’t tell if I’m questioning myself or if they’re intrusive but I don’t want to be questioning myself and I never had before except like my sexuality but I had come to the conclusion that I was very much in fact straight but now I’m just so confused, I was on my period and that seemed to have made everything so much worse but I’ve recently been off of my period and am feeling like myself again and my intrusive thoughts don’t seem so loud. I’m sorry about these past couple of months and the fact that you’ve been suffering with this for so long. Have you been able to talk to a therapist yet? I’ve been trying to remind myself that the things I enjoyed and naturally gravitated towards without second thought is who I am and I’m just trying to reconnect with myself and return to who I was and it’s kind of helpful I’m not sure how helpful it is but I know when I do talk to people or close friends about this I get a longing and heartbreaking feeling to just be myself again and it just helps me kind of know that I’m stuck in this weird spot right now. I hope things are able to get better for you!!!! And that you’ll be able to return to what you used to love to do and hopefully it won’t be a theme for longer!!
The things that used to make me happy? The things that used to make me sad? I don't know how to connect with those anymore. I used to be happy just looking at the sunset and nature, I loved being present in the moment but now being present in the moment is scary because now I'm faced with my thoughts and new potential ones so I'd rather distract myself. I love kballads and I used to listen to them and just cry and be happy because they sound so beautiful but now I can't embrace these things that feel like beauty because I feel like the exact opposite. The only things I can enjoy are K-drama's! But I can't watch things with kids in it. So yah that's tricky! And the things that make me sad?! Well I used to be sad and terrified about loosing my loved ones but now it's a different kind of sad. I used to be sad because of miss them and all that but now I'm scared of facing now messed up my emotions have become. I'm scared of loosing someone I love and then not being able to feel sad because I'm just numb, or even worse...if it becomes something I'm okay with or what if OCD convinces me that I'm happy about it because honestly it would be weird moving around the world with such emotions. So not only has OCD made it hard for me to enjoy the good things but also hard for me to feel sad about the sad things or just to put it short...to experience emotions normally.
it feels like therapy isn't working at all, like I've been super reluctant to participate or try and get better. I was doing really well at first but I've been in a slump with it lately, and the idea of doing exposures again makes me really scared. Like, I know if have to do them to get better but I'm so afraid that I'll pick something, watch it, and think the child character is attractive and start fantasizing about them. Like what if the only thing keeping me from doing that is because I've been avoiding them? Also is it normal for pocd to convince you that you prefer one gender more strongly than the other? Bc for some reason it feels more real with boys than it does girls (I'm mostly straight) and like.. idk I'm just not feeling good.
Struggling with TOCD has probably been the hardest theme I’ve had to deal with so far For reference. I’m a gay male 20yr old Before this theme I was so open with my gender expression, love drag and used to do it for a time. A lot of my friends are trans women and my whole life is queer When this theme hit. It’s like I completely lost who I was. Questioning everything I enjoyed, not participating in anything because it triggered me so heavily. I went through a whole gender journey awhile back and the trans path never spoke to me when I looked into it. I love my physique and my face but now when I look into the mirror i feel like a shell of who I was. I can’t find any sort of pure enjoyment without the accompanying “what if” or “you’re this” intrusive thought I still enjoy how I look. I’ve not looked in the mirror and felt like anything is missing from me or needs to be taken away I just feel like a spectator in my life while this disease tells me I’m not who I know myself to be I affirm myself every day I know who I am and it may change in the future but that’s not important. It’s highly unlikely it will but it may! Giving into the uncertainty has been so hard but it’s worth it! My ocd has really picked up since getting into my first serious relationship I care about my boyfriend with my whole heart but over the course of our relationship my themes have included Health Relationship Irreality Harm I just want to be who I was again before this current theme it feels unbearable to live like this BUT! I’m seeking appropriate treatment and not giving into a majority of compulsions I just wanted to write this to see if anyone can relate and if they do. Know that you will overcome this! I know I will and you will too
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