Do you have to confess all your ocd thoughts?

I convince myself in my relationship, I have to confess intrusive thoughts or else I’m “hiding” something. But at the same time, I don’t wanna just tell my partner about my harm OCD. He would think I’m nuts and not understand bc he doesn’t struggle much with anxiety. It makes me feel not good enough for him. Harm OCD is just too hard sometimes to tell other people. It makes you feel all alone. What I’m asking is this, if I don’t want to tell my bf everything, do I have to? I know confessing constantly can become a compulsion so I didn’t know if someone had any insight on that. I had an ex partner who had some ocd and intrusive thoughts so it was easier to talk to him about it but the guy I’m seeing now is a great person but doesn’t have it. I would just absolutely love some advice 🥹

Nica

Date posted: 3y

I never confess because it only enforces the OCD. Don’t alter your behavior for OCD in any way, shape, or form. It only gets worse when you do.

EFF_OCD

Date posted: 3y

That makes sense thank you!’

calico87

Date posted: 3y

Following this as I’m uncertain on this as well.

EFF_OCD

Date posted: 3y

Hope someone can give us some insight. It’s definitely a tricky thing!

JB1020

Date posted: 3y

Sorry you're going through this. I will offer my general opinion. Confessing intrusive thoughts is very often a compulsion, no matter how seldom we give in. Ask yourself why you feel you should confess - if the idea of not confessing or having a "secret" is causing anxiety and the confession would partially alleviate that - it is a compulsion. We shouldn't be confessing all our intrusive thoughts to our partners for both our sake (doesn't help solve OCD) and theirs (can cause them stress/strain). If you are diagnosed OCD I would strongly consider discussing it generally with your partner. Disclosing that you have an anxiety disorder that you are aware of and addressing, that takes the form of intrusive thoughts... this is likely to be a much better approach than disclosing specific intrusive thoughts (such as Harm OCD) which may not go well. This also may depend some on your situation (age, how long have you been in the relationship, how serious are you about it). If you're serious about the relationship, then having a partner who understands OCD and can help you is going to be a huge asset in the long-term, whereas not disclosing it could cause problems down the road. Lots of people have mental health issues at some time or another and will understand and want to help. If they don't handle it well or break it off, it probably wouldn't have worked long-term anyway. I was undiagnosed and "hiding" my intrusive Relationship OCD thoughts right up to the point where I had to confess or break it off, and it all came spilling out. That was going to come at some point for me, whether it was year 4 or year 14. Having someone stick by me through a diagnosis and therapy plan is a huge benefit for our future (get married next month). Good luck!

EFF_OCD

Date posted: 3y

That’s great advice. Thank you

an0nym0us

Date posted: 3y

i used to confess all the time and it ended with me crying and my partner telling me it’s okay. recently i’ve been good with holding it in! try journaling your thoughts

🥜

Date posted: 3y

It's very hard to tell if I'm feeling guilt where the response is appropriate to confess, or if it's a compulsion.

EFF_OCD

Date posted: 3y

Yes !

anonymous737...

Date posted: 23w

someone pls answer!

I have ocd, i have crazy intrusive thoughts that make me super uncomfortable, the thing is i understand that ocd goes against your morals and try’s to make you feel like a bad person but how do i avoid pushing people away while trying to treat my ocd.. i love my boyfriend so so much but when i get intrusive thoughts about hurting his feelings or doing something terrible it scares me so bad that i’m scared to be around him because in my head it’s like “why am i even thinking of this if i love him so much” and i know i would never do anything to hurt him but i just feel terrible because he’s an amazing boyfriend and i have all these bad thoughts. :(

chickenmomma

Date posted: 22w

I struggle with confessing

This is my first post & I’m terrified. I have not been officially diagnosed w ocd yet but in a nutshell - I confessed some things I felt guilty about to my husband about five months ago. ( nothing too major ) but in our past, 20+ years ago I was unfaithful and it caused a LOT of harm, which I told him all of that back when it happened. But in recent months, I started getting consumed by guilt. I couldnt eat or sleep until I finally broke one night and told him all these recent little things I felt guilty about. Acting flirty, etc. And for him it like brought back allll the trauma from 20 years ago which I didn’t know would happen. But it’s so bad. He says he wishes I never told him. But even w that, I still feel like I keep thinking of “new things “ I did in the past, thoughts I had or dreams, or conversation w an ex,things like that. Because I am a Christian I also keep feeling like it’s the Holy Spirit telling me I haven’t told him everything and I need to. But I also know God doesn’t give us a spirit of fear .. I clearly need help, but I also want Christian based help so that it’s in line w what I believe ? I can’t eat and my anxiety is so bad again - I know if I confess more things it will keep destroying him, I don’t think he really understands or believes I have ocd. Thanks if you made it this far

DannyO507

Date posted: 12w

I need help dealing with this

I have been really really struggling for the past 3 months and haven’t been able to stop intrusive thoughts/ rumination and confessing. It’s making me question my entire life, my relationship and even who I am as a person. It’s mainly effecting my relationship, I am so afraid that I did something or think things that are definitely hurtful to my partner. I know my brain is contorting my own memory and making things seem so much worse. I also know I haven’t done anything bad, all my things I’ve confessed about have been considered “normal” and I’ve been told that “you’re normal, you didn’t do anything wrong”. But I have felt this intense sense of guilt and shame and it doesn’t go away, I can’t even be a normal person anymore. And I keep searching for “just one more thing I need to tell” and I don’t want to keep searching my brain of every time I’ve said or done anything that I can distort and make seem 1000% worse. I’m isolating myself and just feel like I’m a bad person. I keep confessing my thoughts, feeling, urges, etc. to my partner and while I know I would never do any of these I feel like my ocd is trying to convince me that maybe I would because “why else would you think it or feel guilty” and that makes it so much worse. I really need guidance on how to handle this. What do I do to stop feeling like this and heal?

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