Someone please read and help me.

I just joined this app today and need someone to understand me or just listen to me. I have been suffering from extremely violent and gruesome intrusive thoughts mainly regarding my 3 year old toddler. I have noticed a peak in my intrusive thought struggle with a mass shooting occurs. I have a debilitating fear of a school shooting happening at my sons daycare. I am not going to get into the details but it is just so sickening that I can’t even type out what my head thinks. My problem is I self sabotage by reading about shootings until the story consumes me. Most recently the Highland Park shooting. I am worried because it has gotten to the point where I simply CANNOT sleep without taking something that knocks me out, otherwise I lay in bed with my chest so tight I can’t breathe letting these horrible visions play over and over again. I don’t want to be dependent on a downer to put me to sleep and an upper to get me through the day. This is the first time I am sharing my experience and it feels really good to get this off my chest. Please if anyone has gone through this and can offer anything please share it with me. I can’t go on like this

Username: MissLovelyMissLovely

Date posted: 2y ago

These thoughts are very typical ocd thoughts. You'd be surprised how many people actually get extremely graphic images in their minds of various things like this! The first thing I'd say, is definitely try not to read about mass shootings, don't avoid the thoughts, just avoid reading news articles etc. Let these thoughts happen. You may even think you're getting these for a reason, but what ever I tell you, ocd will not listen to. You literally can't argue with ocd because you will never win. These thoughts do not say anything about you as a person. But don't avoid these thoughts. Don't think of a monkey, you just thought of one. Let these happen. Don't be afraid to write about your thoughts on here. We've all had terrible thoughts that have left us feeling like potential criminals or not right in the head. It's ocd! Have you tried cbd if legal in your country? I'm pregnant at the moment but after birth if pregnancy goes well, I'm going straight back on it. I recommend it for when you're getting very anxious, and remember that you're not alone in this at all. It's the ones we love the most that ocd attacks us with thoughts about. Because we know we'd never deep down want anything to happen to the ones we love, that's why we're so worried about it xx

Username: Jason GibbsJason Gibbs

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 2y ago

Thank you for sharing this with us namelessfornow! I know it can be very difficult to share these kinds of thoughts, and it takes a lot of courage to talk about it. Everything you're describing is very much in line with what we call Harm Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). We have a very effective treatment for it called Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) therapy. We offer a free 15-minute consultation call, if you are interested in reaching out and learning more about what therapy entails, payment and insurance options, etc.

Username: kels89kels89

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

I can definitely relate to this with my 3 year old as well. The news can be extremely upsetting and triggering and when it involves your kids it’s unbearable to think about these things.

Username: kiki♡kiki♡

Date posted: 2y ago

Aw I'm really sorry you're feeling this way, and I hope coming here can offer you some relief in knowing this is very normal ocd thoughts. I would also recommend you avoid reading about these events, but to let the thoughts come and go. Try not to monitor or figure them out (like if you're asking yourself if you're a horrible person, you will never find an answer you're satisfied with for long enough). These thoughts are garbage, and by treating them as unimportant, they will eventually quiet down in the background. Wishing you all the best! Maybe in your area there are ocd support groups, there are some on the nocd website too!

Username: Bd2Bd2

Date posted: 2y ago

I also worry about my child 24/7. I totally understand this. I’m also fearful of school shootings but other things as well. It is so exhausting.

Username: DogedDoged

Date posted: 2y ago

Realatble

Username: Glasscrow

Date posted: 5y ago

Hi, I downloaded this app on a whim and I realized I might have harm ocd. I thought it was my depression getting to me this whole time. Here's the pattern I've noticed. After a really good day or weekend when I've become very happy, I'll start to get intrusive thoughts about people insulting or slighting me in some way and me killing them to punish them. As the days go by the length of the intrusions increases dramatically, so that I'm spacing out for hours about graphic murder and suicide scenes that are very disturbing. They will end in one of two ways. The first is I will think to myself that I would actually do these things because I must, and then do a 180 and cry about how I don't want to hurt anyone or become a terrible person. The second is that my fury and wrath within the imagined scenario will become so intense that it's like an orgasm of rage jolts me awake, and then I become very upset about what kind of thoughts I was having and the fact that they completely stole all of my attention. Sometimes I find that I have been pacing or even running back and forth, because of all that fight or flight adrenaline that got worked up. By the end of the week I'm feeling deeply depressed if not suicidal. Because of the pattern that has emerged, it feels like my brain just won't allow me to enjoy life, like it has to sabotage me everytime I actually enjoy living, and I'm even starting to feel dread during happy times because happiness has come to mean the beginning of another emotional storm. Does this sound familiar to any of you? I'm not diagnosed with ocd, and I wanted to wait until I get a better job at the end of summer before I start visiting a psychiatrist. This app tells me to let those murder thoughts come. That seems outrageous to me. I don't want to think about killing people MORE. I thought about writing graphic lyrics and putting it to music in my band, but I worry that would be a selfish way to cope because then I would be planting those desires in people who might actually do them. I'm sure this got long so thanks if you read all this.

Username: maggie87

Date posted: 4y ago

Hi everyone, really needing some support and advice. I have recently had a melt down after reading a horrifying story in the paper.it was about a child being raped and murdered. I was feeling anxious before I read it but after reading it I got a horrifying feeling of anxiety and started to think what if something happens to my kids, which quickly turned into what if I hurt them etc and that was it, my head went into overdrive, I focused it on my youngest who is two. I was worried to change her nappy, bath her etc and I actually begged my a Auntie to take me to the hospital to be sectioned as I thought what the hell is going on in my head!! I have read other threads which have helped and talked with others who have been here too. This has been going on since Feb last year, and I honestly feel. Like my brain is fried, its a constant intrusive loop day in day out about all this nonsense and I honestly feel I can't take anymore. I have tried self help. I am currently taking 40mg of citalapram and after a long long wait I will be starting CBT on Thursday 9th my daughters 3rd birthday. I have two older children and never experienced anything like this. I'm so lost in my thoughts please help

Username: Lisseth27@

Date posted: 1y ago

Intrusive thoughts/depression/anxiety

Hello I am new to this application. I am 34 years old and I’m not sure if I have OCD but I’ve noticed that the last two weeks I have been having these horrible thoughts I can’t believe I am having them. It makes me so sad and scared and I can’t seem to stop crying. I’m going on week two feeling this way and can’t seem to get myself out of it. How can I possibly have thoughts about harming my child? They are the precious gift from God. They’re my flesh and bone how can I?? The anxiety I get every day has turned into having it all day and night, just the thought of How I can could possibly think of such thing, now followed by depression and lack of sleep. I have never had this problem ever up until now. I can’t even watch any crime shows or the news because it spikes my anxiety. I can’t even look at anything like knives, guns because it causes me major distress.

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