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Wow, I feel like you wrote some of this about me! I have experienced such similar things in my battle with OCD. Harm OCD has been one of my themes for the past 20+ years. When I started dating my boyfriend (now my husband) I had fears that I was going to sleepwalk, get a knife out of the kitchen and hurt him. At the time I was living with my dad, I started having the same thoughts about him. Granted, I had never sleepwalked in my life but I remember hearing a story back when I was in college about a girl that was sleepwalking and killed her parents (apparently she was using that as a cover up). I've also had thoughts when I have been in the kitchen and holding a knife, what if I have no control and start to stab someone. Sleeping was definitely a way out for me because, like you said you don't have to think. What I can say now that I am in recovery is that it will get better. My situation was so severe that I ended up doing TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) for my depression and OCD. I was also doing ERP at the same time. It's definitely an ongoing battle (I had a harm flare up last night) but now I know what to do when this happens. You got this! I wish you hope :)

I'm so sorry you are experience this intense and sudden episode. You wrote the details of how it feels so perfectly. I completely relate. It's horrifying and just knocks you off your feet. Please know you are not alone, and that it can get better again. That's great that medication has helped in the past. Have you done ERP therapy as well? I take meds AND do ERP therapy and doing those things together helps a ton. Research shows that the best way to find relief from OCD is to do both.

i would go back to what worked. ADHD is manageable with cbt.