weird situation help

Maybe there are other members of my Church on here, idk, but basically my boyfriend is serving a 2-year mission for my Church and I’ve decided to wait for him, meaning I’m not going to date anyone else while he’s gone and I’m going to marry him when he gets home. I am absolutely 100% doing this. It’s a decision I’ve made through a lot of prayer and I’m very very confident in it. HOWEVER I also have OCD. It’s kind of a cliche within my church’s culture that people always say they’re going to wait but then they don’t, they end up finding and marrying someone else. Only my parents really know that I’m legitimately waiting for him, and my mom is super supportive, but my dad will say stuff like “so are you ready to date other people yet” or “yeah just give it time you won’t feel that way in a few months” and I HATE IT. It’s so triggering. I’m sure tons of other people will say similar things if they find out or suspect that I’m waiting, so I need to figure out how to tackle the barrage of obsessive worry that comes as a result of these comments. I immediately begin to worry that I will “find” someone else, and there’s just nothing I can do about it, my life and my feelings are completely out of my control and our whole relationship is going to be lost because I have no self-control. I know this isn’t true!! I know this!! I know that he is the ONE and I hate having these worries. AND THEN because of those worries, I start obsessively worrying that I’m not secure enough in my decision, which just makes me feel even worse like I really have no control and it’s all going to fall apart and everyone will be sad and it’ll be all my fault. It’s so stupid, I know it’s so stupid, but it feels sooooo real. How can I combat the triggers of other peoples’ comments on my relationship??

Maeday

Date posted: 3y

I think from your post that I can say I'm a member of your church. I can't relate because I never waited for someone, but I had friends who did. I don't think you can stop the triggers completely. You could ask those you know well to stop. Yet, if you are going to school, you'll still get comments. You could got on a mission yourself (If you want), then dating won't even be part of conversation. However with all triggers, we with OCD get to start a new ERP (yeah 😒). Good luck. I do have to say I envy your surety that he's the one (ROCD here).

Zealous

Date posted: 3y

Haha don’t worry, I only have that surety after going through a few months of ROCD, it does go away with time as different obsessions do. Glad to find another member of the Church on here!! Thanks for your thoughts:)

shopgirl

Date posted: 24w

New relationship and OCD spike

I’ve been really struggling the last week and I need some help. I’ve been seeing a guy for about 2 months who checks a lot of my relationship boxes. He’s so kind and we have a lot of fun together. The first few weeks I was totally smitten but had moments of fear about being committed. We talked about it and decided to take things slowly, and then I would have days of feeling like every thing was perfect with some fearful feelings in between. Two weeks ago now my SO-OCD and ROCD started to come back a little as well as my more anxious-avoidant behaviors. I started to get more scared of the future and it was more intense. At the end of last week, he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. He is exactly the type of person I see myself marrying and has great values and is so secure about me. Until last week, he generally made me feel so safe and secure. Ever since saying yes, I feel so scared and anxious and my SO-OCD and ROCD is on max. I also find myself getting more annoyed and irritated about things that were minor annoyances or non-issues before. I’m having intense physical responses to both OCD themes, and the nagging thought and feeling that I need to end things with him because we aren’t right for each other. It makes me feel so sad and guilty. Sex is becoming harder because of the thoughts too, whereas at first it was perfect. I don’t know who I can talk to about this without them telling me to just break up with him. Everything is so new so I think they’d chalk it up to my intuition. But I do want to be in love and have less fear around relationships, so I don’t want to give into the fear. I think it could help me to set boundaries and have space for myself more often. I think I need some advice or insight. I know I shouldn’t ask for reassurance, but having some around how other people have felt at the beginning of a relationship would help. Why is it that the label is freaking me out so much? How do you guys set boundaries to prioritize yourself when you feel this way?

olt28

Date posted: 24w

Any tips? I’m really struggling

I have had diagnosed OCD for a while now and I’ve been really struggling with my rocd. My bf and I have been dating for almost 2 years now and it has been great mostly. (I say mostly because of I’m being honest the bad parts are me causing issues due to my rocd) lately I’ve been struggling to trust him in that he will follow through with his word. This was triggered because we had a wedding and a brunch to go to (he doesn’t know the person getting married but was going just to go with me) and he ended up not being able to go due to finals and group projects he had to end up doing work for. This is a completely understandable and reasonable excuse not to be able to attend something, but my brain is now making me feel like he would do that to anything I need him for. And he literally doesn’t. Like we’re going out of town to see family this summer and I’m scared he’ll flake out. We’ve already gotten plane tickets and everything but my brain is like what if . Again it’s so stupid because he comes through almost all the time I invite him to something and when he can’t go it’s usually due to something pretty reasonable that he didn’t foresee. Like he comes to all my family holiday events, goes and runs errands and does things when I ask, comes over everyday to spend time with me. The only times he can’t come to my house is when he has no gas money. We’re both in college and his parents don’t really support him at all so he has to use all his money he makes working during the summer towards expenses and doesn’t often get to buy things for himself and when we are in our hometown, I go to his house more because my parents pay for everything and I help him save his money because he if doesn’t have any he is truly out of luck. Soem days he won’t even eat because he had to use his money on rent of something. But he still manages to go above and behind for me. Always includes me in things he loves to do, picks flowers for me anytime he sees one and buys them when he does have money, he always writes me notes and does sweet things that he knows will make me laugh. He is such a blessing, but of course my brain only focuses on the negative :( he’s so patient with my ocd but I do get tired of bugging him with it.

naiad

Date posted: 15w

Relationship OCD

Hi all, I’m F(20) and I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend M(20) for 10 months now. Lately it feels like I’ve been getting triggered at the tiniest thing. My relationship OCD is centered around the idea that my bf will leave me, that suddenly his feelings will change and he’ll never look back. Inherently I know this is irrational and I know he loves me very much (as he tells me repeatedly when I compulsively ask for reassurance). I just can’t make my brain stop. I just feel so unsecured. He will mention that one of his friends drove an hour to see him for only 30 minutes. I will then spiral that I am not possibly doing enough and it’s because he’s secretly done with me and he’s longing for a reason to leave and go be with this friend instead. See? Truly irrational. But I cannot stop it. Any tips at all? Maybe I’m at least not alone in this. I often feel literally insane:(

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