- Date posted
- 3y
Encouragement Through The Struggle
Hey everyone, I have been dealing with OCD for about 3 weeks now as of today. My first 7 days we’re very torturing and tormenting. I remember the exact moment everything started, I spiraled and really panicked from an intrusive voice, though in my head after being exposed to a triggering image in person. My reaction to it really caused all of this, because it was such a disgusting thought I didn’t let it move past me as I usually would. I’m not even a drinker but I was under the influence of wine and a little alcohol at the time so I believe that played a big part with my reaction, I also had been fasting then broke it so my mind was in no condition to see a graphic image. I went home and prayed for a legit 45 minutes to an hour after that, at about midnight. I cried and yelled out to God for days but it was as if it made it worse. Don’t believe that, God Is there for you, ask God to sustain you and fight for you because you can’t do this on your own. I will give some good pointers at the end of this message, please keep reading. I don’t know about you but my Anxiety, Trimmers, and shakes occur most in the morning and throughout my sleep. I wake up at 3-4 am everyday as if my body is anticipating more trauma. I am a speaker, mentor, photographer, and mixed martial artist. My favorite time spent is studying the Bible every morning for 2-3 hours. I have not indulged in much of these passions the past 3 weeks but I will say I do see progress from day 1 to day 21, no matter how my brain tries to trick me. In the beginning it felt like an extreme dark cloud and as if demons we’re constantly jumping me every where I went. My compulsion is googling, watching YouTube videos, trying to reason with the voices in my head. So much as to I would sleep 12-14 hours then wake up and be tormented for the rest of the day. We don’t give ourselves enough credit, I’ve realized I haven’t watched a YouTube video in a few days and anxiety has lessened, I have googled somethings but it has been more of encouragement based researching. Reassurance really takes a toll on you, I’ve realized my phases of this already, SEVERE anxiety, days of exhaustion, days of hope but feeling like you’re going backwards, having burst of energy of feeling like your old self and then some random trigger would happen and send you into a 2-3 hour tense episode of OCD. When I’m too relaxed I would panic because I feel as if I’m okay with the thoughts or something when I truly do hate them, it would send me back in to panic mode. But I’m beginning to understand these are one of the phases after doing some more self education. As I’m writing this, a voice is lingering and telling me to “ Shut The Eff Up, don’t write this.” Then there’s s voice that says, “ Good Job, I’m proud of you.” I can feel weight being lifted as I write, even though it’s an everyday process. Accept this challenge and let it build your character, much easier said than done because I struggle tremendously, but my faith is in Jesus Christ. He can bring you out of anything and everything, just have faith and put the work in, perseverance is key. We got this everyone, we will overcome this. Pointer number 1.) Yesterday I went swimming and that was the BEST I’ve probably felt since this started, swimming calms you, relieves stress, and allows your thoughts to flow more naturally. I’m going to be swimming everyday now. Point number 2.) I know it’s very hard but working out at an medium to intense level literally makes me feel like I am releasing OCD slowly. I’ve transitioned to running more since this started, doing a lot of sprinting without overwhelming myself to highly. We have to get that sweat equity going, I find that I have the best days when I workout. I encourage you to get that going. 3.) Put your faith in God, continue to pray. Thank Jesus for the battle you’re in and say it under your breath silently, I find that asking him to take the voices away is not reality. I had to change my language and vocabulary quickly when it comes to OCD because this is a marathon. I’m speaking Victory over OCD before I’m out of it, it’ll be there but it will become less of an impact over time if we stay persistent. You will get back to your normal self, you will. Embrace who you will be after this, try not to look back. It causes more depression when you do that. Yes, I still struggle but I know that Jesus will never fail me. 4.) WRITE these thoughts down. On a sheet of paper write down the voices, thoughts, and images that aren’t you, then write down what you TRULY desire and who you know you are. It’ll help you distinguish your good vs bad thoughts. That’s brought much encouragement to my mental the couple times I did write. Replace those thoughts with higher knowledge and positive self talk. If you don’t believe in God/ Jesus or any higher power I understand. Expecting to win this battle on your own is not reality though. Look to a higher power, you got this!! 5.) These thoughts, voices, and images aren’t you! These thoughts, voices, and images aren’t you! These thoughts, voices, and images aren’t you! If you bottle this up inside of you please talk with others about it, get a therapist please. No more suffering, the more we release the better off we are. Embarrassing as it may be! Take the steps, make the progress. You are not OCD, it will not have master over your any longer! Yes it’s extremely hard and I can’t believe I had no clue about this before I was triggered. This needs to be talked about A LOT more in society from a mental health aspect. This is not some small jokey phrase as society likes to makes it seem. Now I really wonder out if all the suicides that have happens in our existence, how many of them actually had OCD but had no clue or just we’re to embarrassed to talk about their story? 🤧. We must uplift one another consistently. Life will humble you, at any small moment it will change and you absolutely do not see it coming but we will overcome this together!!! Much love to all of you, let’s make an uncomfortable step today!!! God is good!!!