- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
You obviously love your wife. I had to do ERP where I drew someone I liked dating someone else. The fears are very common! The past means nothing but ocd will have you believing it means everything. Even if you want to ask a question, just sitting with it and resist asking is something helpful I learned! Even if it ruins your whole day to not give in. You’re building strength.
Dear Anony, stop seeking reassurance is hard. I did it once with my new partner and he, not knowing how OCD works, reassured me. I felt guilty for getting him in to my OCD cycle and told him later, that me asking that question was me seeking reassurance and that the statement before was a confession. I told him, that I should have neither confessed, nor sought for reassurance and I didn't ask him again. Jenna stated in on over her motivational videos, that nocd offers help for loves ones of OCD sufferers, too. Maybe reach out to the nocd care team and ask for help.
I’m in kind of a similar situation in that much of my relationship with my husband has been built around seeking reassurance from him. And starting therapy I learned that was doing me more harm than good and I realized it wasn’t doing any good for our relationship. Cutting that off SUCKED. I got extremely anxious and felt super distant from him because the typical way we’d interact was taken away. But over the course of the past few weeks I’ve realized it’s actually exciting to rebuild what we had before my most recent OCD episode. It feels like getting to know each other again and remember why we love each other. So I guess what I’m saying is…I won’t sugar coat it, it is really tough. But worth it, I promise.
Ok, I told her. And it was even more difficult than I expected. I so badly need reassurance right now but she won't give it to me because she isn't supposed to. This is TORTURE!!
I'm proud of you and your wife! It is hard for you both, but I'm sure you will manage and get better.
Thank you for the support folks, it literally was the encouragement that pushed me to take the step.
Please fight the urge to ask in the first place. Certainty doesn't exist in this world, don't let OCD let you believe it does.
What is a common family joke. OCD is hereditary on my father's side. However I also live with complex PTSD, and ADHD. I didn't learn till recently how severe my OCD is and the intensity gets amplified if the though goes to either of the other two. It's a loop I've identified recently... just little too late. I've lived with OCD for years not really addressing it till I see that's the very reason I cause damage to loved ones. I'm married, 33, a vet. My marriage is not in the best place now. I have a son who's 4 and already showing signs of OCD. Currently my marriage is at a point where we are working on ourselves. It's discovered that my wife's issues are reflections of my own. I understand fully now that I am the center of the issues but also the solution. I need help for me. What happens with my relationships depends on me showing that I am better and able to process thoughts and emotions better. Journaling helps alot. Trying to do hobbies or this that and 3rd but. I'm willing to try anything. Things are on a line. I'm open to any and all POV and ideas. I'm not out crying. I'm taking a big step for me. Something 25 years over due. Thank you for reading this. As I tell myself now. You'll best this and be better
I'm new to NOCD and have been dealing with harm/suicidal, and Pure OCD for some time now. It started off being healthy related anxiety that led to compulsion where I would research information on an uncommon illness or something I thought I had. Now it has snowballed into intrusive thoughts and images of me killing myself in various ways or my wife. The former is what has been the most debilitating and hardest to shake. Recently I seem to find triggers almost every where I look. "What if I killed myself this way" if I see a kitchen knife or a bottle of pills. A friend talked about going to a gun range a while back and an image popped up of me being there and turning a gun to myself which is something I dont want to do. I love life and its so painful to go through thoughts that try to tell me otherwise. That particular image/thought has really stuck with me. I know about ERP and my therapist said I could rip the bandaid off and go to a gun range but it terrifies me. I don't own any weapons but I often think, "what if I buy one and im actually suicidal?" Just typing it makes me anxious. I'm wanting to start a low dose of Prozac which opens up another can of worms about worried my "overdose thought" will come true, on top of potential side effects. This is long winded but im looking for any advice to get through this. I know others are worse off than me but considering I've never been like this and it only started 6 months ago, I'm really struggling. Thanks everyone.
I just recently realized that this whole thing with asking about my partner’s past was a compulsion. At the time, I thought that the more I knew about his sexual past, the better I’d feel. I genuinely believed that having all the answers would bring me peace. But the opposite happened. The more I learned, and the more I pushed for specifics, the more it hurt. I pushed him to give me really detailed answers—and now I feel like my OCD has so much ammunition because of it. Now I’m trying to stop asking, stop analyzing, and stop hyper-fixating. Even though I feel intense discomfort and anxiety, I’ve been doing my best to sit with it and not give in. But my mind still races—it imagines him with those people, replays things I know, questions how graphic or emotional those moments were. It’s torture. And what’s hardest is that my partner has reassured me over and over that he’s never felt for anyone what he feels for me. We’ve committed our relationship to God, we got baptized, and we’re planning to get married. But the damage from all of the questioning and the OCD spirals has taken a toll. Now when I bring things up—even if it’s not about the past—he assumes it is. And it ruins date nights or intimate moments. It’s like this issue has taken over everything. We both love each other. We’re not giving up. We’re in therapy, and we’re trying. But it’s heavy. It’s draining us both. And I don’t feel like I’m choosing this—this feels like something I’m suffering through, not something I’m doing on purpose. He’s starting to understand that more, but I know his patience is running thin. So I guess I’m just asking… has anyone else gone through something like this? Has anyone pushed for too much information and then felt stuck—like you know too much and can’t go back? How do you rebuild your relationship when anxiety and OCD have already caused so much damage? Any encouragement, tips, or even just hearing that I’m not alone would really mean a lot.
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