I believe I have had OCD almost 30 years but am new to my diagnosis and treatment. During this episode, one of my most self destructive compulsions is to ask my wife questions about her sexual past. My therapist has suggested I tell my wife to help me she has to stop answering my questions. I know she's right but I can't bring myself to give this instruction to my wife. I can't bear the thought of shutting myself off from ever getting answers to the questions that pervade my thoughts. I'm posting here because maybe peer support will help me find the courage. I so desperately need to get well. I need to be the husband I was for my wife before this episode started, this is absolutely killing her.

You obviously love your wife. I had to do ERP where I drew someone I liked dating someone else. The fears are very common! The past means nothing but ocd will have you believing it means everything. Even if you want to ask a question, just sitting with it and resist asking is something helpful I learned! Even if it ruins your whole day to not give in. You’re building strength.

Dear Anony, stop seeking reassurance is hard. I did it once with my new partner and he, not knowing how OCD works, reassured me. I felt guilty for getting him in to my OCD cycle and told him later, that me asking that question was me seeking reassurance and that the statement before was a confession. I told him, that I should have neither confessed, nor sought for reassurance and I didn't ask him again. Jenna stated in on over her motivational videos, that nocd offers help for loves ones of OCD sufferers, too. Maybe reach out to the nocd care team and ask for help.

I’m in kind of a similar situation in that much of my relationship with my husband has been built around seeking reassurance from him. And starting therapy I learned that was doing me more harm than good and I realized it wasn’t doing any good for our relationship. Cutting that off SUCKED. I got extremely anxious and felt super distant from him because the typical way we’d interact was taken away. But over the course of the past few weeks I’ve realized it’s actually exciting to rebuild what we had before my most recent OCD episode. It feels like getting to know each other again and remember why we love each other. So I guess what I’m saying is…I won’t sugar coat it, it is really tough. But worth it, I promise.

Ok, I told her. And it was even more difficult than I expected. I so badly need reassurance right now but she won't give it to me because she isn't supposed to. This is TORTURE!!

Thank you for the support folks, it literally was the encouragement that pushed me to take the step.

Please fight the urge to ask in the first place. Certainty doesn't exist in this world, don't let OCD let you believe it does.