- Date posted
- 5y ago
- Date posted
- 5y ago
ok. i’m sorry i can’t put a trigger warning on a reply. i am a female. i started smoking 2 packs of cigarettes a day in high school bc my parents let me smoke in my bedroom. i was anorexic in 2004 when i was hit by a car as a pedestrian. i flew in the air, flipped upside down, smacked my head on the windshield, flew off the car, and fractured my tailbone on the street. i did not fracture my skull. i received no treatment or counseling for my concussion at the hospital and my tailbone wasn’t imaged. i didnt find out until a few weeks later when i told my gp doctor about my uncontrollable weeping that i probably had a concussion. i developed bulimia. i had my first psychotic break in 2011 and my second psychotic break in 2012. both were related to overconsumption of marijuana. i was in and out of psychosis between 2013 and 2017 with extreme debilitating ocd. i shared a smoke with a friend in 2015 and caught mono. while i had acute mononucleosis, i became psychotic and obsessed with curing myself by abstaining from food and water (breatharianism). i have gone 7 days without water probably 3 or 4 times. neurons die after 24 hours without water. i didn’t eat regularly for two years. just starving and binging and starving. i refuse to have an mri or neuropsych testing. ive been sexually assaulted multiple times in the past couple of years (i have germ ocd). i am still afraid to get tested but i’m doing ok. my doctor thinks i’m fine. brains are really resilient and can heal. i hope this helps. i’m holding down a high pressure job, my performance is excellent, and i am mostly functional and have made huge strides with my obsessions. i was housebound for years. i still obsess. i got incredibly depressed this week about work, i still have intrusive thoughts that shame me. but i am managing. thanks for letting me share. please let me know if i can help you get over your fear of brain damage. i had extreme fear of brain damage and i have mostly gotten over it. it’s the brain i have and it is still able to be creative, learn new things, organize, and remember to complete multiple tasks.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
- Date posted
- 5y ago
if you really want to know how someone might mess up their brain and aren’t worried about being triggered, i’ll tell you my story. it’s extreme. but my doctor is confident my brain is fine regardless. the brain is extremely resilient
- Date posted
- 5y ago
i used to obsess about this too but i dont anymore
- Date posted
- 5y ago
T3ddy Thank you so much for sharing your story. I greatly appreciate it. You're a true inspiration.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
i’m so glad it’s helpful. i’m happy to share. i’m pretty sure i am still healing. i am trying to be more proactive with meditation. i am grateful for the things my brain is capable of doing. i take care of it now — omega 3’s and greens and adaptogenic herbs and CBD and exercise. sometimes i watch too much TV when im anxious. i don’t smoke cigarettes anymore. oh yeah, i also used to be a horrible alcoholic. forgot to mention that. fortunately it didn’t last long. i once drank an entire bottle of vodka by myself. once i drank a hip flask of rum after fasting for a week. we’re all going to continue healing. your brain could be better in ten years than it was when you were 15. especially since brain research is advancing so rapidly.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Thank you for sharing your story of resilience and determination.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
How does one mess up their brain ?
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Remember your brain works in a funny way. It’s actually there to protect you. The OCD is the fear. And the symptoms is the brains way of protecting itself from further harm. Try square breathing for 10 min. In for 4 hold for 4 out for 4 hold for 4 repeat
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Teddy u can tell your story
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w ago
im not diagnosed, but these past two days have been terrible. i constantly have this underlying feeling that i might do something that i think is gross and i feel like i can’t do anything on my own because otherwise i might do something wrong. like i feel like i constantly have to be in front of people so that i can make sure of my every action. this is so exhausting and I’m so confused. and like i keep getting terrible images and stuff replaying in my head. i also try to recall what happened but i feel like i have false event too. i used to have religious ocd and that eventually stopped completely, but now it feels like all my work getting over that was pointless. also like i feel like i might have contamination ocd but not the typical germ type. I just get terrible images and I can’t remember if those images are true or not even though they’re impossible and i feel terrible. I don’t know if i could ever get over this because even the thought of it is terrible.
- Date posted
- 23w ago
Hi there I talk about religion (but I'm not trying to force it down anyone's throat) So my main event (which is the one that truly bothers me) happened in 2015 when I was 14. I won't go into any details or anything. I will say that it got so bad once that I almost committed something detrimental to my health earlier this year. Not long after that I spoke to a doctor and basically confessed what's been happening to my brain and my mistakes, he mentioned things that really resonated with me, I'll paraphrase a bit: "Okay, so what you did was not good but it's not something to condemn yourself for. It falls into the grey area, you've apologized and have been forgiven (even though I apologized over text, which comes across cowardly)but it seems that you haven't forgiven yourself. There's a whole lot of difference between you at 14 and you at 23. Try to have some perspective." This really helped and it still does, but unfortunately ocd tries to find a way around this. I'll get a thought of "oh but you forgot to mention that other part of the event" and it magnifies it. Can anyone relate? I've done everything but fully move on because I sometimes feel like I don't deserve to move on. And I'm still worried over the future.
- Date posted
- 21w ago
POCD has been the worst thing I've ever been through. I feel like I have always sort of experienced it but not to the degree I do now. I used to plan being a mother to a beautiful family. Now I don't know if I'll ever have children at the risk of having a girl. I used to have intrusive thoughts that would make me feel weird but I could just move on from them. That was until I had to babysit my niece and change her diaper. I want to throw up thinking about it. I got a horribly strong groinal response and I didn't know what to do. I didn't understand why it was happening. It bothered me all day that day and later on I did the disgusting deed of testing myself. I regret it everyday. It's a horrible compulsion and it haunts me. I tested if I was getting off to the thought of her. And of course there was stimulation because of the groinal response. But I hated doing it. I just felt like I had to be sure. After that and since then I haven't wanted to be around her. I stopped planning being a mother, I stopped watching cute baby videos like I used to enjoy because they trigger disgusting intrusive thoughts. After a while I stopped being intimate with my boyfriend and haven't done anything with for months because the thoughts take over and make me feel like I may enjoy the deed more if I was thinking of children. I worry that maybe I do enjoy these thoughts and I'm just denying it. I wish I could be sure. I feel so disgusting and ugly, I've never hated myself this much. It takes over most of my days. I wish I had never changed her diaper. Some times in moments of clarity I am so sure that I'm not a predator, but when I am vulnerable OCD sneaks back in and tells me I enjoy my thoughts and that I should think them. Sometimes it gets so overwhelming that I have to test. I wish I could stop. It ruins my entire week. I feel like a monster. I want to love my life again. I miss life before this. I feel so hopeless most of the time and I can't imagine a way out. I'm scared to start therapy because what if I found out I am a monster? I can't live like that. I won't. I want to cry and scream. Am I alone in this?
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