Ocd is RUINING my relationship. It’s like every bad thing I’ve ever done in the first few months of our relationship is suddenly coming up in memories. even though my boyfriend said it doesn’t matter and that I need to forgive myself. these things are haunting me and idk why:/ we’ve been together almost 2 years now! This is so fucking irritating
You need to realize that these are just thoughts. You don't need to entertain them. You can just let them suggest things without acknowledging them or taking them seriously.
@yup_its_ocd So do I treat these memories like I do intrusive thoughts?
@carlweagle Radical acceptance. "This event happened. I am not going to judge it retrospectively, I am just going to press onward regardless."
@yup_its_ocd Love your username and feedback
@Maybe,MaybeNot I've been around the block a few times. Username is kinda-sorta a rhetorical answer haha
@yup_its_ocd I feel you friend. Love the energy and kindness you are showing people on here.
@Maybe,MaybeNot Respect your hustle as well. Gotta fight the good fight.
I’ve been through this. Sounds either like cheating OCD or moral scrupulosity? I had a huge spiral of this for a long time, multiple times. I felt like the worst person in the world. But therapy and ERP and meds even helped ME. And my husband still proposed to me after all this and had a baby with me. Let me know if you need some tips
@Maybe,MaybeNot I need some tips please
@carlweagle Tell me one of the memories and I’ll try and give some perspective
@Maybe,MaybeNot One of my ex’s called me while I was drunk and I told him I missed him and still cared about him but then I wokeup the next morning and was like wtf. I haven’t had feelings for him in years. But now I’m obsessing over this
@carlweagle Gotcha. I had a similar situation in which sort of told someone I was attracted about them and cared about them during my relationship. 1. We are allowed to miss people. You don’t stop missing people just because you are with someone else. 2. You are allowed to care about people. We care about other people even when we are with someone else. 3. Whether or not that would be taken in a romantic way or meant in a romantic way is perspective. We can feel this way and say this to a friend and it’s not inappropriate. 4. There are literally so many worse things you could have said or done. 5. We aren’t perfect in relationships. We don’t always implement completely black and white boundaries because we are human beings. You are allowed to cross what you would consider a boundary sometimes. Oops. It doesn’t mean you are a cheater or a piece of shit or whatever your fear is. And if someone does think that is what it means about you, then most of us are screwed. 6. Your boyfriend is no angel. 7. Some people actually think it’s ok to be honest and open about what they think and feel in relationships. Whether or not we should or shouldn’t really is just perspective. Is one of your compulsions confessing to your bf?
@Maybe,MaybeNot I really appreciate all of that❤️❤️ Yes I do confess to my boyfriend he is kind of my only person to lean on and therapy is a few weeks away still. Also I try not to confess things about the past to him because like realistically who wants details but it’s like my brain just wants me to spew like word vomit
I really appreciate all of that❤️❤️ yes I do confess to my boyfriend he is kind of my only person to lean on and therapy is a few weeks away still. Also I try not to confess things about the past to him because like realistically who wants details but it’s like my brain just wants me to spew which is terrible
@carlweagle That’s my compulsion too. The things I’ve done themselves have never hurt my partner, but telling him unnecessary details of things he would rather not know from a couple years ago put more stress on our relationship than anything. He didn’t want to be the judge of good and bad. And even if it was bad, we both agree that with most things it just best to learn from it and move on. Sit through the urge to confess. I promise it will pass if you do ERP. I used to record my guilty behaviors on a looptape for ex: “maybe if my husband knew that I made a flirtatious expression when talking to that guy, he would leave me.” And I would listen over and over for 30 minutes a day until it didn’t bother me anymore, typically between 1-2 weeks.
@Maybe,MaybeNot THIS IS BRILLIANT!!!!!! I’m going to try that erp! That’s actually really smart! Is there a way that I can message you on here for more tips?
@carlweagle I’m not sure! Let me ask the community and I’ll get back to you!
I have been battling ocd for over a year now and it likes to switch themes. Currently, it’s attacking my relationship with my girlfriend who I’ve been with since I was in high school over 10 years ago. It first began as an intense feeling that I have to leave or break up with her over dumb little things. Then it changed into a lot of guilt for having any thought about another girl. And the worse is feeling this intense guilt for past things I’ve done in the past while in this relationship. We were so young and I was teenager, but I often found myself watching porn, fantasizing about real other people in my life, and getting off to other girls that I may have known. When I was younger I didn’t think it was bad and that it was just a normal teen boy thing, but 10 years later I have so much guilt about it. And yes I’m with the same girl now. We’ve had our ups and downs, but I know I love this girl and I’m ready to propose to her soon. Anyway, these past mistakes I did when I was younger make me feel like a cheater and I can’t stop ruminating about it. I feel like I have to admit every detail and person I’ve ever had a bad thought about. I feel like if I propose to her and don’t tell her everything, that I’m a lair and didn’t give her the full picture. And the other day one of the girls I thought was hot when I was younger, came up in convo and I just went downhill. Now she knows I deal with OCD and she is very supportive, I’ve told her before that I did some bad things, but never all the details. And that’s all my brain keeps telling me to do. I have so much tightness in my chest and just want to be able to breathe again. But everyone says to not admit or it’ll reinforce the cycle, I’m just not sure how everyone else does that. And at the same time, maybe I am a cheater and just simply a bad person. Idk! I never cheated physically or anything like that, but my past mistakes feel like I did. But again I may just be a bad person! Please if anyone has advice or is dealing with similar things, I’d appreciate the help!
So i had really bad pure ocd but recently it’s been sooo much better but i’m in a relationship and me and my bf dated before about 2 years ago then we broke up and now we are back together but i’m having an issue where i will try to go back years and find something i did wrong and i really do not want to find anything to feel wrong about or guilty specifically something i may have done wrong to my boyfriend but the thing is i’m a good girlfriend and i’m very loyal so i don’t want to ruin something for me because of my past if that makes sense like i can’t remember doing anything wrong but my brain keeps going are u sure let’s look at all your interactions with people and it’s so annoying i just wanna live my life in the present does anyone have any tips
I’m gonna try to make this make sense, and any support or advice would be great. I have a beautiful girlfriend, who I’ve been dating off and on for a year. We were really rocky but got our shit figured out 4 months ago and have been strong since. I truly love this girl more than I’ve loved anyone. And I know based off the sheer amount of ocd that has come up on our relationship, that she means a lot to me. Me and her were in a friend group in 2022 and we never liked each other. However she had a sexual relationship with one of my old friends. Fast forward to now I haven’t talked to him in a long time and I don’t see it as an issue. However… I keep having this vivid flashback to him touching her some kinda way in 2022. I can’t remember exactly what happened or the details but it’s running through my head. I guess this is retroactive jealousy but it’s really almost hurting my feelings. I wish it would stop but I know ocd doesn’t work that way. I just wanna be happy with my girl and not upset at her past experiences
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