Therapy

I find while doing exposures, rarely does my anxiety lessen. It usually amps up and stays that way for the remainder of the day. I could be having a fairly decent day, but dutifully do my exposures and then the rest of my day is anxiety filled. I guess that’s just how it is now? Also, I’m wondering if my therapist even believes I have OCD. I totally understand my therapist cannot provide reassurance. But it’s to the point it seems my therapist acts like I actually did the thing I fear. I feel so isolated.

I am currently working with my second therapist. She does lots of somatic, emdr, humanistic therapy. We connected right off the bat and I was so happy to be able to be myself around her, VIRTUALLY anyways. It’s been about 4-5 months working with her, but the more we are meeting the more i still have doubts about her understanding where i am coming from or understand how my brain works, or being able to help me. And i feel myself closing off and just being superficial about everything, or just resisting my thoughts /feelings. Sometimes i feel like i can open up just fine, but it’s starting to feel unauthentic. Sometimes i wish she would be like my first therapist, and help prompt me to talk or find a way to dig deeper into my issues…sometimes i feel like she doesn’t say the right thing, or doesn’t point out things my first therapist would do and work that out….idk…and the whole humanistic energy work freaks me out. Im a practicing Catholic and when we do certain somatic/emdr/humanistic work i start to think: what if i get possessed or what if what i am doing here is wrong, or this feels like its too much for my brain to handle and i might end up freaking out badly, or what if i something bad happens….idk…any thoughts???

I read about ERP and have seen information about it on here. One of the goals is to say, "maybe I am this or that...ect." That terrified me. The thoughts and images that go in my head are disturbing and upsetting. I don't want to even think about saying, "maybe this or that." It's devasting to have these thoughts and question why you're having these thoughts. Doesn't the "maybe" make it worse? The one thing that helps me is that is to remind myself that these are just thoughts and I know I'm not a monster, even if I feel like one. Is ERP not for everyone? Has anyone else had a problem with the techniques used in this kind of therapy? I had cognitive therapy for years with an OCD specialist and that seemed to help a lot. Writing out the worst case scenarios would make me suicidal. Im having a difficult time not obsessing over the "maybe" after intrusive thoughts now. It doesn't make it better.