Made it through my trip to California. Back home, working on adjusting back to ERP at home.

I’m having one of those moments where I have to deal with some uncertainty at the worst time. I did have a little panic attack for a moment. Then I realized I could use this to make me stronger. Something happened at work and no one knows the answer I need. So I have to deal with some uncertainty. The feelings suck and the thoughts keep coming. I will not let this ruin my day I will continue to work and go about my day, even though I am anxious. Just remember that we will have things pop up throughout our days we do not expect but just to remember our practices. Hopefully the intensity will decrease in time today. Wish me luck.

A few hours ago I had my first ERP session and I am currently feeling nauseous and nervous at the same time. Right after my first exposure I wanted to quit right then and there, but I know I cannot. Does anyone have any tips for sitting with this level of discomfort? Anything is appreciated. Thanks! :-)

This is my first week back to work after being off for 6 months to grapple with my OCD as it became extremely debilitating. I made mistakes when my OCD returned and self medicated with alcohol. Partly due to the OCD but also due to severe back pain from working the California fires in January. Long story short I was pulled over and arrested for DUI and although I was a low BAC it was still enough to be taken in and since then I have hired a lawyer to handle it as I dealt with my OCD treatment. I also returned to work and at which point they had been aware of the dui due to a license information pull by the dmv. Even though I have already had the DMV side dismissed as it was proven I wasn’t over the limit while driving, I am still trying to beat the court side. Either way I am now dealing with a ton of fallout at work for this even if I’m proven to be innocent. It has really put me into a dark place and it makes me fantasize about ending it. I know that, that isn’t the way and that’s not the way to win at this. I’m really digging in to sitting with the uncomfortable and what ifs and trying not to solve for problems that have not happened yet.