Stuckinmyheadwaves

Date posted: 2y

Feeling numb

Does anyone ever feel “numb” to your ocd? Like today I can’t really tell what my brain is telling me. I guess I just feel like I’m lying to myself when I say I’m straight even though all I want is to be with a man, I want to get married and have kids with a man. I don’t want to be with a woman at all, but I’m not spiraling into a panic like I usually do, I don’t want my thoughts to be real. What does this all mean?? OCD is hell for me.

blazed

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

This sounds like the backdoor spike, which is not a bad thing. It’s a part of the recovery process where you’re starting to experience less anxiety over the thoughts but OCD still wants to get your attention whichever way it can. Try not to engage with it or figure it out because this is just another tactic OCD uses to continue the cycle.

Ghost123

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@blazed Do you ever get nauseous from intrusive thoughts?

blazed

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Ghost123 Yes, especially when I’m anxious it makes me feel like that.

Ghost123

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@blazed I’ve had moments where it felt ‘real’ followed by feeling sick, anxious and disgusted with myself. I’ve probably showered so many times in the past few days to calm me down. And then I ruminate and remind myself that I’ve done ERP that proves that I’m heterosexual and that this is just some weird thoughts. This is probably the worst thing I’ve ever experienced from OCD. And I’ve self harmed over POCD a few months ago, which is really saying something. Sorry, I’m just really frustrated right now lol. I’m probably gonna take another shower soon. Also, there is a NOCD support group soon that I will probably join, starts in 2 hours.

blazed

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Ghost123 Oh sorry I’m just getting back to this. Are you doing better now? I want to add that it’s great you’re doing ERP! However, ERP shouldn’t prove that you’re gay, straight, etc. because that’s seeking certainty which feeds OCD. The main idea of doing ERP is getting comfortable and used to embracing uncertainty. So try tweaking the exercises that you’re currently doing and hopefully it should help! :) Also I’m so sorry to hear about your POCD, I really hope you’re doing better now. Are you currently attending therapy?

Ghost123

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@blazed Thank you 🙏 I’m doing okay now. What about you? I am also attending therapy here which has helped. Wouldn’t embracing uncertainty mean I will turn bi, gay or a pedo? My OCD has stopped saying I’m in denial, which is great! Or is it just a way of tricking the OCD to become less powerful? When I have performed ERP, I genuinely felt like myself, straight. I do prevent myself having a back door spike. I haven’t done ERP for POCD yet because it’s less stressful to me at the moment. I’m also scared that no one will believe me from my reassurances. Like, it wasn’t me, it was my OCD telling me that I liked it when though it’s not true.

blazed

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Ghost123 At this point we should just text 💀

blazed

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Ghost123 You’re welcome! I’m glad you’re well, I’m doing okay myself. I think embracing uncertainty is more so accepting that there is a possibility you’re gay/bi and that you can’t actually obtain a definite answer, but I could be wrong. Idk about the POCD, I only dealt with it briefly before but I guess it’s the same idea? 😭 it’s good that you’re feeling like yourself again, whatever you’re doing seems to be working! Also I wouldn’t worry too much about what other people think. If they don’t believe you then that’s on them. You have a health condition and you don’t have to prove that to anyone 🤍

Ghost123

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@blazed Fr 😂💀, do you use discord? Are we allowed to share? Idk the rules here

Ghost123

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@blazed I will speak to my therapist about it, I always saw it as the thought, not me, if that makes sense. For example, I get an intrusive thought about a guy or something. I usually ignore it, but if there are doubts, I speak to the doubter, “maybe maybe not, I will figure it out next Wednesday”. But like, I don’t need to figure it out because it’s just an intrusive thought, you know?

blazed

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Ghost123 I think so, I don’t see any rules against it 🤣 mine is spvt#7038

blazed

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Ghost123 I do the same thing! Except I thought my intrusive thoughts were me since it felt so real. I thought I was actually changing too.

Anonymous

Date posted: 25w

Whats happens?

Is it possible for OCD to start playing with your feelings? Because I'm so sure about it, but sometimes it feels like it doesn't even when I don't feel anything. And I'm feeling so empty. Like it's okay to feel when it's not. I don't want to feel this. But I feel so weak to deal with it. Is this normal? I'm feeling weird. Everything kind of hurts but at the same time it doesn't.

Anonymousesti

Date posted: 20w

SOOCD

Just tired af... Anyone else feels like everything is a lie all the time and there is no "before the OCD I was boy crazy" just the OCD since forever... or denial because of that aspect? Really struggeling with the physical aspect of SOOCD : looking at a women's body and really feeling something and getting turned on and looking at a man's and not feeling anything... I just dont understand! I asked my friends and many of them said they dont feel anything looking at a man's body as well (they're straight) but also looking at a women's doesnt feel like much. I just dont understand ughhhh

Sexual Orientation OCD

vaiiolyn

Date posted: 19w

feeling helpless

As a lesbian with SO-OCD, I feel so helpless. It's truly exhausting because no one I know understands what I'm going through. The first response is always, "You're just confused" or "You don't have to know yet." But that's not the issue, I do know. I just never see any lesbians with SO-OCD so I feel so invalidated. These thoughts flood my brain constantly, forcing me to analyze my reactions to every man I see. I feel trapped in an endless cycle of "testing" myself, trying to prove that I don't like them. But my brain fights back, telling me I do want to love a man, making it feel real even though don't want it. It's terrifying. At this point, it's hard to even hold onto my identity as a lesbian because I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know if this is what real attraction is supposed to feel like, and that fear eats away at me. The truth is, when I think about being with a man, all I feel is disgust and fear-but my brain twists that into doubt. I hate it. I'm at the point where I'm scared I'm going to have to accept something I don't want because I don't know if this will ever go away. I miss who I was before all this.

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