- Username
- erinpearls
- Date posted
- 562d ago
- Health Concern OCD
- Contamination OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- Order & Symmetry OCD
obsessive thoughts
so over the past year or so i've been certain that i have some kind of disorder or something. at first i thought it was a number of different things and then i found out more about OCD and since then i've been very certain that i have it. i've always had really obsessive/vivid thoughts that give me really bad anxiety and i have to check over and over to get it out of my head - for example, i am terrified of my house burning down when i'm sleeping. before i go to sleep, i have to check every single switch in my house is off, and i have to stare at each switch for at least 10 seconds to get it in my head that it is definitely off. i also have to check that my alarm and ringer are both on each night before school mornings, and i have to keep turning my phone on and off and listen to the ringer sound multiple times to get it in my head that my ringer is on, and i have to stare at my alarm for ages to convince myself that it is definitely on. i also feel anxiety when staying at my friends' houses as they tend to leave their switches on and i can't sleep or stop panicking. i spoke to my mum about it, and she is very aware of my health anxiety/ self-diagnosing issues and she just ignores what i have to say about it and just tries to convince me that there is nothing wrong with me and it isn't any different from what other teens experience, when it is so much worse. eventually she gives up and tells me to get help, but she makes me feel really bad about it and makes me feel like it would be a waste of time and that i am just going through a phase, which i'm not. i also have an obsession with antibacterial hand wipes, and i have to take them everywhere i go and use one after i touch anything or before i eat. if i don't have any with me, i start panicking and get obsessive thoughts about the bacteria on my hands. my parents and i have had some conflicts about it as they are expensive and i go through them really fast, and that i should just use handwash and that germs are "fine". i just feel like people are making me feel like i either don't have OCD (my family and some friends), or they just try to convince me that it's just anxiety when it is far worse and they just don't understand. hopefully i get some support here ❤️🩹