Just feeling weird

So I had five good days in a row. So good that I felt like myself before the panic attack that I had in late June/early July. I had minimal intrusive thoughts and it all did not bother me for days, it was amazing. Then all of a sudden I started to question why I wasnt anxious, why i wasnt over thinking, and then my ROCD got triggered by a breakup song lyric that made me upset. Now I am back down the rabbit hole of meh days. The past two days have been weird. Its like I am fine but at the same time I am not, if that makes sense? I woke up with an anxious chest and I have had on and off intrusive thoughts. Having a not so great day at work and its making the day feel weird. Sometimes when my OCD gets really bad it just feels like I dont really belong anywhere. Like I am meant to be alone. I get so excited about going home and seeing my boyfriend and my dog but then I feel loads of guilt about the intrusive thoughts and the battle I am facing within my ocd. I just want to have more good days. I want give up. I just hate obsessing over obsessing, anxiety, ocd, all of it. I just love feeling like me and being excited about life and my relationship and my future, so when OCD creeps in after a long time of good days, its so irritating, frustrating. Makesme feel defeated but I wont give up.