How do I know if this is ocd or a real issue? 18+

Very tmi topics but I really need help. I feel really scared and alone right now A couple years ago my family and I went to Florida and visited my step sister while we were there and she let her children run around without any clothes on in the front yard and when we pulled up to their house I immediately got a panic attack and my mom had to have a talk with me in the car to calm me down because she knew about the intrusive thoughts and ocd and all of that. I kept getting mental images from the traumatic moment and what I saw especially when I was really having a hard time with the POCD theme. Anyways later on before we were going home in the hotel I kept getting the mental images and they wouldn’t go away to the point I had false feelings like groinal response, my body would get tense and I would have so much anxiety because I kept having thoughts that I liked it and I knew I didn’t. I was terrified. A few weeks later I then struggled with masturbation because I kept getting the mental images and false feelings and I was so scared but I tried so hard to just get through it and not let it bother me and when I did I felt so much guilt because it felt like I was acting on the thoughts of something that I actually did witness in real life, not an intrusive thought made up in my head from ocd. It felt so real and still does and im so scared that im a terrible person because a real life thing that kept popping in my head when I definitely didn’t want it to during the self time like I mentioned and would that make me a monster. Is it even ocd at that point. And then it scares me because of real event ocd and some other intrusive thoughts I struggle with to this day. Im a woman and im on my period too and when I am my anxiety goes through the roof and im reminded of all the things I’ve been through and it makes me feel so disgusted and sad.

Magzzz

Date posted: 2y

I know I tagged false memory but this was technically a real memory of something I went through and later on went through something else but I really hope I didn’t act on something terrible when I never wanted the thoughts in the first place. Even when I would read romance I still had the mental images and they would not go away. I really wish this was all just a nightmare that could stop

amysmith

Date posted: 2y

@Just Breathe ❤️ hi there, i know you are struggling a lot. i may not have these experience as if i ever get a weird instrusive thought about it i can know it is nothing. but i do know what it’s like to have that fear of being a bad person and that something proves it makes me bad. you notice that these thoughts are unnatural and wrong, and is something you don’t want to think. ocd makes us thinks and feel things thag just aren’t the way it is. i’m so sorry you have yo deal with subtype, it seems very awful but i know you aren’t alone, you aren’t a bad person and i hope you get through this and can move past this subtype. best of luck❤️

Magzzz

Date posted: 2y

@amysmith I just feel like I acted on them somehow because it was something I actually saw in real life not an intrusive thought but it became an intrusive thought later on and during the worst time possible and I’m scared that not that’s why I’m a monster. I don’t want to be a monster. Never have wanted to be one and I never want to be one in the future. I appreciate your help though thank you very much 🙏🏻

amysmith

Date posted: 2y

@Just Breathe ❤️ you aren’t a monster, there is a subtype called real events ocd and this may be a mixture of that. ocd tries to make you feel like a bad person. If i were to get a harm/ reathought, like I saw a football (imagine this to your situation). now i get a thought that i want to kick the ball because i saw it. i ask myself: woukd i go and kick the ball right now? do i want to go and kick the ball right now? if you ask the right now questions, you will remind yourself this is not something you want and that it is a thought your mind can either create or manipulate. your mind is manipulating what you saw and putting it in a scenario. you have no harmed any person and you do not actually have the want to harm i hope this advice helper in some way

Magzzz

Date posted: 2y

@amysmith But if the real thing happened in real life that I witnessed and it later came up I’m my head during masturbation would that make me a monster? Even though it was intrusive and I didn’t like or want the thoughts even thought ocd was trying to convince me that’s what I felt but I didn’t? Would that still be ocd

anonymous2580

Date posted: 25w

Remembering things from my childhood

(20f) I have been dealing with severe OCD symptoms for as long as I can remember. I recently got diagnosed about a year ago, and even though I know that these thoughts are probably my ocd, I still cant shake them. Growing up I was always very sexually curious. I was sheltered from a lot of things, as I went to a private school and things like sexuality and sex were never talked about. I remember doing some weird sexual things growing up (never affecting another person), looking up taboo sexual things, etc. I always seemed to become aroused no matter what the situation was, even if I just saw someone getting changed. I have no recollection of being SA'd, so i'm wondering where this all came from? Was I just curious and wanted to experiment and try different things? Or am I really a pervert, pedophile, etc. I have all these thoughts racing through my head and it's killing me. Everything I did as a kid I look back on and am disgusted, as those don't align with my views at all today. I never thought growing up thinking these things were wrong, or actually realize what they were until I got older. I'd like to think it was just my curiosity, but i'm not sure. What if i'm in denial and actually do like these things? I just need to know if theres something wrong w me, I cant keep going on like this. Could really use some advice.

SunnyAnon

Date posted: 23w

dealing with OCD flashbacks 18+

i currently am getting over my period and have been having a horrible flashbacks from some real events. it’s a amalgamation of all of the horrible things i did as a child/young teenager. all of it associated with p0rnography + sexual activities i did. i was exposed to sexual activity very young and it lead me down a dark path. i’ve had OCD forever it seems. it’s hard because i can see that i’ve had OCD symptoms since childhood but i constantly doubt wether or not my actions where because of OCD or something i genuinely wanted/was attracted to. i can’t seem to differentiate the two and it’s scaring me. i’m worried i was genuinely into the kind of stuff and it’s constantly flashing in my mind the last two days of things i compulsively did years ago. to be absolutely clear it has been years since i’ve even thought about those taboo things or saw anything of that sort. i’m talking 5 or 6 years give or take. it still feels like yesterday. in recent years i’ve completely pulled away from p0rn and now find it and s3x a lot less appealing. but every so often i get these intense flashbacks on things i did or saw or thought and it puts everything on hold. everything im interested in gets but on the back burner in fear of my intrusive thoughts being thrown into the mix. currently experiencing that now. im mortified of ruining everything i love because of these stupid thoughts. does anyone have any advice or experience with this specifically and have any tips???

Anonymous

Date posted: 19w

Masterbation OCD/real event OCD

I'm 17 years old I struggle with addiction I have a problem when I masterbate I have intrusive thoughts idk if I think them I'm so scared also back then I know when I was younger I looked at obscure things hentai all that my idk what to do even I feel like I'm a monster or im a bad person I need help I feel so distraught I feel like I can't live life to the fullest anymore even from last year I looked at content that was animated but it had a character in it that was underage I felt so ashamed and felt like a monster I had a compulsion to check it only to find out they are not around my age range idk what to do I probably sound like a freak I'm sorry I'm always trying to replay my memory and try to remember my intention and what I was doing how I come across how I was doing a action yk all that

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