I am having an absolute freak out that I did something terrible awhile back. I want to tell you guys but I’m so afraid you’ll think I’m a monster or did something bad

Does all that make sense? He just said a few things that concerned me. Like he accepted my apology but said “I don’t tolerate that behavior” and “it just put me in an awkward situation” which are both fair things to say I just am afraid he feels like we did something bad to him or tried too. NOT our intention a all. In fact I am positive my friend told him we wanted to hook up. But regardless we asked many time if he was ok

Your going to have to accept that maybe you crossed the line and made a mistake. Its okay to follow up and apologize about something. But you cant let one mistake (or 3 or 10 or 1000) ruin the rest of your life. If you were a bad person you wouldnt feel bad about it.

Ok sorry it’s a little long. So last year my friend and I invited over another friend of ours to hookup. When he got there he kind of got cold feet so me and my friend started hooking up and we asked him a few times if he was ok with it and he said yes.so when we finished I made a point of asking him personally if he was ok and he was like yeah sure no it’s ok. But since all the metoo stuff happened I have learned more about consent and stuff and I got afraid we may have maybe did something bad

So I just reached out to him and apologized and he was receptive but I also got the vibe that maybe he wasn’t entirely cool with it and now I feel like We assaulted him.

We did nothing to him. Like in the beginning we were flirty and trying to get him to engage but once we realized it was a no we just continued with ourselves lol and he just sat and hung out while we did it. Sorry I know that sounds so odd and lame but it happened so naturally and we offered to take him home and everything! He told us it was fine

I agree. I think there are some things to also consider. 1- Sex is very confusing, and it often isn’t properly educated...which leaves people having to educate themselves from other means. With ‘metoo’, you are educating yourself and reflecting. Bad people don’t self reflect. They act, and blame. 2- I know how desperate you feel for wanting to know if what you did was okay or not. It’s agonizing. But think of it this way: if the person didn’t feel that they were hurt, then you know that next time something similar happens you’ll be more clear and communicative. If the person does feel hurt, then continuing to ask them to talk about it could make the situation worse. They too might be experiencing nervousness and confusion that they really don’t want to talk about. If you’ve already confronted this person, validated them, and apologized, you should leave it...especially if they don’t seem like they want to talk. 3- These comments might seem aggressive, but I think the people responding are trying to be more objective and coach like in order to avoid reassurance. So I hope that as you’re reading through these it’s understood that you’re not being judged and that we understand how hard asking for help and dealing with these thoughts can be.

Take a breath! Confusing shit happens. Grey areas arise. And sometimes, it’s okay to be uncertain where your position in that grey area is. In my experience with OCD, my thoughts would utilize these situations as a weapon against my moral understandings and myself. They would pursue guilt, obsession, and self degradation. Don’t let those thoughts take control of this situation and hurt you right now. Remember: 1. This has happened, and can’t be undone. 2. There’s only so much you can do to fix it. 3. Learn from what is making you anxious. 4. Be gentle on yourself.

BEAUTIFUL message gcg! That gave me such a sense of relief you have no idea. ❤️ having this app is a miracle

Yes that all makes sense!

You guys have changed my night. I felt so paranoid and lonely. I feel better and more strong now. I’m so glad you guys aren’t judging me for this. A dumb mistake

I think it shows a lot that you apologized to him and tried to talk to him about it. He may still not know how to feel about it himself so maybe he’s just trying to process it and doesn’t know what to say back. I don’t think you did anything wrong and it shows great character that you are being considerate.

Thank you Bridget! ❤️ I agree. I get the vibe that he definitely isn’t like, traumatized or thinks he was raped or anything but just that it was awkward and not a good situation which is definitely true. He may not have even given it much thought until I brought it up and now is like uhhh I’d rather not dwell on that weirdness

That’s probably exactly what’s happening! I wouldn’t worry about it anymore (I know that’s hard) because you’ve reached out and done your part to help and that’s all you can really do

This app is anonymous so it’s a great place to let it out! Plus it could be your ocd causing you to overthink it

I’m just so scared

Sorry does that all make sense?

Anyone? I’m so scared

That’s very very true. It’s not something I can let dictate my life. And I meant no bad intentions and made sure at the time I was being ok. Do you think I “crossed a line” meaning it was like assault or something non-consensual?

Im not going to answer that for two reasons. 1- Itll be giving you reassurance. With ocd you have to tolerate some uncertainty about things you are worried about. 2- I dont and cant know enough about the situation to give a fair judgement. These things happen. If its not the end of world for your friend it shouldnt be for you either. Learn from it.

You’re so right. That is definitely me fishing for reassurance, I should knowbetter. I know you’re saying what I need to hear, I’m just afraid of that people would judge me if they heard it. I’m afraid even you think less of me now and we’ve never even met!

I just would never want anyone to think I would do that to them or didn’t care. It makes me sick thinking someone has a negative feeling towards me maybe cause of something that occurred sexually like that. I never meant to do anything wrong and asked multiple times for his consent and if he was ok if we went ahead while he was there.

I’m ok with him thinking poorly of the situation cause it obvi was awk lol just more him thinking it’s assault or taken advantaged of him

Oh I totally am! These are great comments!!! I am so grateful for them and this community. I agree with you saying I just should let it go now that I apologized. And reflect and do better. You hit it all on the head. ❤️ I don’t want you guys to hate me or think I’m bad

I dont think what youve described warrants any hate or judgement.

I have to try to hard to not let this change my opinion or take away my happiness

Ok lol

Are you available to listen? I am also discussing it in the kik

Sure