im too scared to eat. i cant describe why i cant eat because it just feels like a general guilt that im a bad person if i eat, i starve myself all day and have one small meal and drink a cup of coffee. im not doing this to lose weight i just feel guilty and like im being tainted by the food i eat like i dont deserve it and im literally scared to eat. i cry and gag and panic, pull on my hair and ruminate please help
Hi friend š¤ im sorry youbre struggling, ocd really sucks huh? A few things to say: I really struggle with eating as well when i have a flare up. My mouth is so dry, i probably survive on 500 calories a day, so you re not alone! Wanting punishment for our apparent 'crimes' is classic real event ocd, its a hallmark symptom. Im guessing you feel that horrid urgency, perhaps a cycle like you need to know NOW exactly what you did and how bad it was, and THEN you ll eat, only you dont know, so you ruminate and the cycle goes round and round. Self compassion and self love are hard things to do, but try to imagine if another person told you they were having the same worries you are having. Would you think they dont deserve food? Remember that everyone around will have things in their life that they regret and that they wish that they hadnt done. The only difference with OCD is that we literally obsess about these things, turning them over in our head over and over. Try to focus on reducing the anxiety, i find that something as simple as breathing slowly and moving about can help alot. At this point, food is simply vital fuel that you need: not eating at all will just make things worse, so try your best to eat something. Ocd is like a fire, the more logs you put on it, the longer it burns. Try to acknowledge these ruminating thoughts and let them pass without engaging with them. Damage control, right? i promise if you keep trying you will start to feel better. Good luck!
@Anonymous Wow thank you so much! i really appreciate you and your comment, it felt reassuring knowing im not the only one going through this and that theres a way out. i really do have to practice self compassion and quit this cycle im in. thank you so much again for taking your time on me thank you
@Anonymous I have real events OCD combined with POCDā¦ What if you did something extremely horrible as a child that you didnāt know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 13ā¦ā¦ I don't ever want to ever be a P at allā¦ I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i donāt ever want to ever be a rapist at allā¦ I was 13 when these real events happened and now I'm 20... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...Ā I didnāt realize how horrible the real events actually wereā¦ I was 13 at the timeā¦ now Iām 20ā¦ my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real eventsā¦ while my mom reassures me all the time that itās all over, that itās not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that Iām not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someoneās similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they neededĀ to turn themselves inā¦ I donāt ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or formā¦ i didnāt know how horrible the real events were when I was 13ā¦ I really didnātā¦ and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kidsā¦ I was 13 and didnāt realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever againā¦ I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real eventā¦ I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the futureā¦ I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 13ā¦.. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kidsā¦Ā I was 13 and didnāt realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever againā¦ I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real eventā¦ And itās comparing me to actual Pās and chomoās who did stuff from 12-15ā¦ and making me think Iām a P and a Chomo because of itā¦ I donāt ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any wayā¦Ā šššĀ and I get intrusive thoughts of people calling me a P and a chomo and me getting arrestedā¦ I donāt ever want to ever be a P or a chomoā¦ the real events happened only 3 times and I really didnāt know how horrible it wasā¦ I donāt ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any wayā¦ I donāt want to ever be attracted to or harm kids in any wayā¦Ā šššĀ Itās making me feel like I know Iām a P or a chomo when I don't ever want to ever be those thingsā¦ I perform avoidance compulsions all the time and I donāt want to be anywhere around kidsā¦ even accidentally standing next to one makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable and anxiousā¦ itās making me feel like that I know Iām what my POCD and real events OCD are telling me even when a former ocd psychiatrist has told me that the real events donāt make me a P or a chomoā¦ In addition itās making me feel like Iām what my ocd tells me that I amā¦ I didnāt know how horrible the real events were at the time when I was 13ā¦ I really didnātā¦ my POCD and real events OCD keeps calling me a P and a Chomo for what happened when I was 13 when I didnāt know what any of that stuff wasā¦ I truly didnāt know how horrible the real events were when I was 13ā¦ I really didnātā¦Ā Itās making me think I am a rapist because of the real events tooā¦ my POCD just keeps telling me that Iām a P or a chomo or in worst case a child r*pist when I donāt ever want to ever be those things in any wayĀ ššš
Remember, ocd doesnt want you to know its ocd!
@Anonymous Thank you for the resources and your time!!! yes i have to remind myself that ocd is very tricky
This podcast has helped me a lot https://open.spotify.com/episode/1W9wIwXDxcqdl2woGxEU7H?si=eFzRogEoSFS4w0nB4mK3dQ&utm_source=copy-link
This article too https://ocdspecialists.com/real-event-ocd/
I'm still fairly new to even realizing that I have OCD, so I don't know much to help. I just wanna say, that I care. There's a really vast community on this platform and it can be a little daunting. Just keep trying your best and get help, we want you to stick around for as long as possible
@Asheee thank you, your support alone helps me so much !
even if you are unsure and guilty, force yourself to eat :) many times the key thing for beating ocd is doing exactly the opposite of your obsession
@SomeOnee been trying to its very hard but i know i will get out of this, thank you for the tip : -)
Does any one else struggle with eating when on a ocd spiral ( thatās what I call them ) I go through periods where I canāt stand the feeling of food in my body but idk I smoke weed and that helps the thought to go purge everything I donāt know if thatās my ocd or a eating disorder š«
I have an ocd over food. I can not feel full if i don't have the last grains of rice and I should count. Before, I got a real bad stomach ache and nausea so I should eat on track. But one of my weirdness appears as time goes on that thing I mentioned and how I have to wait until certain time to swallow and digest the food. It's as if I keep myself for not reccuring anymore. It's so strange, if I don't follow it I would get sleepy and can not concentrate. It's like time really matters to me. And my head becomes weird if I don't listen to it. I wanna fight it but I think I can't. There are times even when I got staggered and wanna fall. Anyone here fighting over food ocd and signals in your head?
Hi this might sound crazy and I apologize I just want a little help sometimes with food I feel as if I need to finish something or else I feel I go crazy I tryed throwing away the food but that made me feel worse and I ended up taking it out of the trash and back in the refrigerator... it wasn't like it was on anything gross just on top of paper bags like the tippy top of the trash no cap and Im just panicking... this has happened to me before but its so distressing and my brain feels so foggy panicking... any help on this
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